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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This annoys me - house guest

242 replies

kamillaw · 30/03/2019 20:52

We have family staying one has moved all my scented candles and switched off my lovely plug in thingy. It's annoyed me no end. AiBU

OP posts:
Gbtch · 31/03/2019 21:50

They are all horrid. Can’t stand them. Also hate it if people wear strong aftershave or perfume. The smell fills the air! Awful!

Lizzie48 · 31/03/2019 21:56

“I’m really embarrassed to bring this up but I have asthma/allergies/sensitivities/whatever and really struggle with scented candles, even with lids on, and air diffusers. Is it at all possible to remove them. So sorry to ask you and again I’m really embarrassed to have to ask”.

Do you often apologise for your own existence?

I agree. If it was a house guest of mine, I'd be thinking, 'Please just say what you mean.' Because the meaning would be lost in all the verbal diarrhoea. (I wouldn't say this, if course.) Grin

Lizzie48 · 31/03/2019 22:08

Regarding the issue, I can't imagine being upset about it. My DH has allergies and struggles in other people's homes, so I would understand where they were coming from. (I wouldn't have understood so well before I met him, as I don't have any allergies myself.)

Purpleartichoke · 31/03/2019 22:16

Worried

Would you like me to show you my allergy testing results? Would you like me to show you the epipens I now carry everywhere? What about the immunosuppressants, antihistamines, and steroids that I am also taking in an attempt to keep breathing because people live scented products so very much?

Would you roll your eyes at someone with a peanut allergy? What about shellfish? Not all of us get to be allergic to the big 7. Life would be so much easier if everyone was allergic to only a few things.

Purplecatshopaholic · 31/03/2019 23:27

Extremely rude of them not to ask. I would not dream of meddling with things in someone else home. If you dont like candles etc, stay somewhere else

Ontheboardwalk · 31/03/2019 23:29

I used to visit a good friend who had plug ins and candles in every room. They used to give me major headaches, runny nose and manic sneezing.

I asked friend could she please turn them off before I came round next time. She said yes of course

For the next two times I came round she 'forgot' to unplug a couple of plug ins. When asked why on the second time she admitted she was trying to test me to see if my complaint was actually true

Thanks mate for the pain of my headache because you were trying to figure out if I was telling the truth about your stinky home. I’ve not been back since

MaxNormal · 31/03/2019 23:58

I don't really understand why this is being seen as rude. Turning the stinky things off and moving the candles does zero damage and causes no inconvenience whatever.
And it saves someone from pain and discomfort.
But that's apparently less important than some people's weird sense of propriety.

LizB62A · 01/04/2019 00:04

I'd have to do this otherwise I'd be sneezing and coughing.

Why do people need scented candles and plug ins? Do you or your houses smell bad?

Pawsandnoses · 01/04/2019 06:58

I don't think that the OP wants anyone to suffer. I don't personally use plug ins, but I do have an auto air freshener and sometimes light scented candles. Lidded candle jars don't smell as the have a rubber seal in the same way as food jars do. If this wasn't the case, how would people even walk through a supermarket with hundreds of candles, air fresheners, coffee etc. It's not rude to ask someone to turn off air fresheners, and even ask them to open a window, but it is rude to just rearrange their living room without asking. If I have a migraine or sinus headache, I will quite often turn off the air freshener, and couldn't have them on when I was pregnant. Lidded, unlit candles though? Really?

LaurieMarlow · 01/04/2019 07:10

I don't really understand why this is being seen as rude.

Because you don’t just go into peoples houses and start dismantling stuff that isn’t yours. If it’s a problem for you you tell your host politely.

This needs explained? Seriously? Confused

Bunter888 · 01/04/2019 08:04

i cant imagine anything more naff than scented candles. Why do you need them ? You fart a lot maybe

LaurieMarlow · 01/04/2019 08:31

i cant imagine anything more naff than scented candles. Why do you need them ? You fart a lot maybe

Has this thread been taken over by a bunch of ten year olds? Hmm

I’m not a fan either, but the rudeness is staggering. People have different preferences. They’re allowed to do what they want in their own homes.

Twofingers · 01/04/2019 09:36

OP: also research essential oils and the toxicity of some of them to dogs.

Cookingclass · 01/04/2019 09:40

I can’t believe some of these comments. It’s her house and she likes candles. The house guest may not like them but they shouldn’t be meddling with your things. Either ask if it’s ok to move them or simply stay in a hotel!

PhilomenaButterfly · 01/04/2019 09:49

Can people smell their own dogs? I've always thought they couldn't.

Yes, my Jack Russell stank.

ALLMYSmellySocks · 01/04/2019 10:07

Extremely rude of them not to ask. I would not dream of meddling with things in someone else home. If you dont like candles etc, stay somewhere else

Wow - are you going for host of the year? I imagine you don't get many return guests! Why not just nice to family while they're staying with you?

MaxNormal · 01/04/2019 10:08

I can't believe someone's preference is considered to trump someone else's medical need because of some weird notion of "politeness".
It's not like the person unplugging/moving things is doing it as some sort of slight on their hosts decor. It's making them ill!
I think it's rude as hell to not ensure a safe and healthy environment for guests.

Planetian · 01/04/2019 10:18

Those plug in things are vile, the smell would make me feel ill and probably flare my allergies up. I wouldn’t be so rude as to plug it out but I would ask if you minded switching it off.

LaurieMarlow · 01/04/2019 10:20

I can't believe someone's preference is considered to trump someone else's medical need because of some weird notion of "politeness

The OP is not a hotel. It’s not about her preference, it’s the fact that it’s her own home. You don’t go round interfering with other people’s stuff in their house. No one is putting a gun to your head and making you stay there.

Ask politely and of course you’ll be accommodated.

Lots of public spaces have plug ins too. It’s not isolated to this particular OPs house.

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 01/04/2019 10:23

Plug in things & scented candies make me feel sick. I would do this too. And open a window.
Why should your guests have to breathe in toxic fumes? Hmm

Serialweightwatcher · 01/04/2019 10:23

I can't believe someone's preference is considered to trump someone else's medical need because of some weird notion of "politeness"

It isn't - in someone else's house you ask that they be unplugged etc which I'm sure the OP is happy to do if they bother someone ... how do you know it's a medical need?

LaurieMarlow · 01/04/2019 10:29

I would do this too

You’d never be invited back to my house after such rude behaviour.

Not that I have anything scented, but theoretically.

OccidentalPurist · 01/04/2019 10:33

OP you're getting some really unreasonable responses here!

YANBU - your guest should have asked first, that's all, which is the point you were making in the first place I think!

BlueSaphire · 01/04/2019 12:47

I cant imagine any host would be that bad they would NOT unplug and remove candles and air fresheners if they were asked to.

I also think most hosts if they knew in advance someone had an allergy would make sure the air was clear for their guests arrival.

It's still bad manners to just go ahead and unplug/remove them yourself though.

MadameAnchou · 01/04/2019 14:55

And AGAIN, to anyone who says it's fine to dismantle or move someone's property in their own home without first asking, do you also think it's fine to, without asking: switch off their telly if it's on because it gives you a headache/affronts your senses; shoo their dog or cat outside because you are allergic/makes you sick/stinks; police what they eat, get up and throw their food out or move it because it makes you sick/you're allergic/affronts your sense/stinks?

Without asking. 'Sorry, could you please turn off the plug ins as they give me a headache?' Instead you just throw them out (still waiting for that poster to come back and confirm that she bins other peoples' property in their own homes that she finds disagreeable), move them, unplug them?

And you think the host is the the wrong 'un?