This annoys me - house guest

[kamillaw]

We have family staying one has moved all my scented candles and switched off my lovely plug in thingy. It's annoyed me no end. AiBU

Plug-ins are grim; scented candles depends on the candle but most are vile, like rancid fabric softener. They probably just fancy breathing.

YABU, get rid of that junk, there's nothing lovely about artificial fragrance.

I can't bear them either, I can smell the ones that DH plugs in a mile off (which then just go kin the bin). However, it's your house and therefore your rules, especially if they haven't even asked you.

If it's in shared space, the person should have asked you first. But it's absolutely reasonable for them to ask if they are either allergic or very sensitive to such things.

If it's in a room that only they are using, then you are BU.

I hate smelly things, but I would have the good manners to explain and ask!

They should have asked but these things can cause a lot of people some problems, I know rhe plug ins give me shocking headaches, and rhe scented candles unless really good ones, can do the same.

I think I'd assume they were knocking whomever it is sick.

They make my sinuses. I don't think the person is being unreasonable to do this, although I would have explained to you why.

You don't just switch stuff off like that in someone else house, though

Yeah, you do. You only faff about finding them and asking first if the home owners prefer you to throw up... I have generally found they far prefer them turned off immediately. And frankly, I don’t really care if I offend someone if it prevents me feeling like that.

It’s a scented doo-dah not a life support machine.

Rude of them not to ask. But they smell like shite and irritate a lot of people. I don't understand why people have them, just open a window.

If the house guest has allergies or the smells give them migraines then that’s absolutely fair enough that they should mention it in some way, ask you to turn them off/move them etc. But you don’t just shift them yourself without even letting someone know why. That’s just rude. All it takes is a quick chat (or even a text if you were out or at worm or something) to say they make you sneeze/set off your asthma/ give you a migraine so could you be an absolute pain and move them somewhere else? Dreadfully sorry etc etc. It’s not hard. No one is saying you’re not allowed to have allergies to them, but that doesn’t prevent you from having a few manners about the situation and trying not to offend the person who has kindly opened up their house to you.

Oh and not all candles and plug ins are artificial and chemically. I only have nice candles with proper essential oils and a cool mist diffuser again with proper essential oils. They don’t get put on often as they are expensive and I’m tight, but they’re not artificial in any way!

I would probably do the same, I detest artificial chemical fragrances & they give me a headache.

Plug ins are just horrible.

Oh and yes, by all means move them if it affects you to the point of vomiting, but surely it’s in your interests to then follow that up with “I've moved the candles because they make me sick” otherwise your host is just going to put them back out and you’ll have the whole sorry pantomime again and again. It’s not hard

Maybe they thought you wouldn't notice and didn't want to hurt your feelings.
They are both huge migraine triggers for me, they make me stuffy headed and all I smell is chemicals Blergh!
Work put some in, I used to go round turning them off. No one said a word. They dissapeared after about a month of me turning them off.

YABU. Especially about the plug in. Absolutely vile things. Most candles stink too.

I always ask first but I have to turn them off at my mums house as they give me migraines and make me heave, it’s not the scent so much as the chemicals. I think most people don’t realise how ill they can make sensitive people feel but trust me it’s bad!

Not U to expect them to talk to you, unless this is in their bedroom?

I think that’s really rude. If you don’t like it, then you ask to blow the candles out or turn the plug thingy off. You don’t just randomly re-arrange someone’s ornaments.

Candles have the lids on. I haven't lit them as I know they don't like them. Plugin is a vapour diffuser with essential oils. They do not have allergies but he suffers with headaches. I would ask if I was visiting somewhere. That's manners in my books.

I have a dog and get paranoid that that smell is worse!!

It's downstairs in shared space.

Well, in a shared space it would have been polite to say / ask, BUTthey ANBU to need them switched off /blown out. Those smells can be very overpowering.

Well I guess they wanted to remove the overpowering smell without offending you but that hasn't worked.. I would hope a guest could say to me if they needed to but I would never be annoyed or offended, I only ever have one scented candle at a time if I have one and never those plug in things as they just smell of the loos at work..

Yeh I’d have the candles straight in a cupboard and the plug in switched off . They would trigger a migraine.
I would have the decency to explain what I’d done and put them back before leaving. If they were in a communal room I’d be asking you
to move them until I left. It’s not rudeness just a fact that this stuff is not great for migraine or asthma sufferers.

If I had a headache I'd switch off the plug-in and move the candles first, ask later, rather than waiting to ask and risk letting a migraine develop. (Just the thought of Yankee candle mingling with dog smell is enough to trigger one tbh.)

What family is it staying? Maybe they're just comfortable enough at your house to make themselves at home? I'd expect my family to do the same; it's not like you can't light the candles once they've left.

thats manners in my books

Well if you know he doesn't like them why would you leave the diffuser on? It's exactly the same principle. It would be 'manners' to cater to your guests needs.