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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This annoys me - house guest

242 replies

kamillaw · 30/03/2019 20:52

We have family staying one has moved all my scented candles and switched off my lovely plug in thingy. It's annoyed me no end. AiBU

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 31/03/2019 11:23

I'm sure it's not that bad OP but I do have this idea of your home now stinking of dog covered up with a cocktail of perfumes and it sounds horrible. They should have asked though.

Ohyesiam · 31/03/2019 11:26

I think she could have checked with you. But all those synthetic smells make me fel sick, headachey and shakes, maybe she’s the same?

burritofan · 31/03/2019 11:26

"I’m really embarrassed to bring this up but I have asthma/allergies/sensitivities/whatever and really struggle with scented candles, even with lids on, and air diffusers. Is it at all possible to remove them. So sorry to ask you and again I’m really embarrassed to have to ask”.
Two "really embarrassed" and a "so sorry" and a wheedling "is it at all possible" is more fuss over a stinky plug-in than the original thread, my goodness.

MyOtherProfile · 31/03/2019 11:44

I'd just plug them back in and put them on again
Even when the guest is still staying? Are you a sadist?

I guess it depends on your view of hospitality. When we have people to stay, especially family, I want to make sure their stay is comfortable, in as much as I can't without making my life difficult. I just can't see why it's such a big issue that he removed stuff that causes him a problem when they can be put back once he is gone with no long term effect.

StoneofDestiny · 31/03/2019 12:39

I would NOT expect guests in my house to interfere with my things without asking and giving a reason. Bloody cheek!!!

Exactly.
Can't imagine doing it - moving houseowners flowers or plants outsid or shoving their pets outside or putting them in another room. I Just ask - or let the host know you have a problem with certain things and a good host will take care of it.

Belenus · 31/03/2019 12:50

“I’m really embarrassed to bring this up but I have asthma/allergies/sensitivities/whatever and really struggle with scented candles, even with lids on, and air diffusers. Is it at all possible to remove them. So sorry to ask you and again I’m really embarrassed to have to ask”.

Do you often apologise for your own existence?

StarlingsEverywhere · 31/03/2019 12:53

I used to do this when I stayed at my dad’s. He had 3 dogs and was trying to mask the smell, but all that meant was the dog smell was vying with the awful artificial air freshener pong. I’d rather just smell the dogs, at least that didn’t give me a migraine.

Worried2019 · 31/03/2019 13:04

@Baby2namehelp This requires a thread!!!!!

Worried2019 · 31/03/2019 13:09

@CheekyChappy710 YABU because you cant even see that you're in the wrong

Oh come on! She is NOT wrong and you know it!!!!! It is HER house and she can do as she likes. You would be annoyed if someone moved your stuff in your house and you know it!!!

Worried2019 · 31/03/2019 13:10

@whitesoxx The candles still smell even with lids on.

Ha! Do they hell! They barely smell when lit!

Worried2019 · 31/03/2019 13:12

I now risk anaphylaxis from plug-ins and scented candles. Even if that doesn’t happen, I still break out in hives. I would have had to turn around and leave your home instantly.

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 🤦🏼‍♀️

mogtheexcellent · 31/03/2019 13:14

I stayed in a hotel once with plug in things in the hall. I removed all of them as they trigger my asthma.

Thatsnotmyotter · 31/03/2019 13:15

If I know someone well enough to stay at their house, I would be pretty comfortable turning off/moving offending items and telling them I’d done it and why after. I’m allergic to a lot of scented stuff and asthmatic.

MadameAnchou · 31/03/2019 13:17

Fucking rude to do that in someone else's house without asking. He needs to stay somewhere else. If I'd found out my 'houseguest' had done this without asking he'd be told to leave. It doesn't matter if MN thinks plug-ins are awful and scented candles are spawn of Satan, it's YOUR house. If you know he doesn't like them and behaves like this in your house, why have him over? He needs to go and stay in a hotel.

Skincaresos · 31/03/2019 13:18

Maybe they thought it would be more polite to subtly turn them off than tell you your house had a horrible artificial smell that didn't agree with them? If you use them all the time the smell has probably become a background thing, I think they smell rank and they give me a headache but I'd probably feel uncomfortable asking you to turn them off in case I offended you

hazell42 · 31/03/2019 13:21

I have no sense of smell and those plug I things still give a migraine.
I have no idea how.
But they do.
They are your guest. Surely you want them to feel comfortable in your home

BottleOfJameson · 31/03/2019 13:21

They might not have realised you were so uptight about these things. Most people hate those smells and many others have a strong physical reaction to them. They probably thought it would be less of a fuss just turning it off instead of actually bringing up with you they hate the small of your house. Unclench a bit they haven't rearranged your furniture.

ScreamScreamIceCream · 31/03/2019 13:26

For those who said ask first unfortunately I found out at a friend's house I didn't have time to do that. Luckily I was with someone who knew what to do and was aware of what I was allergic to.

Problem is if someone is allergic repeat triggers can lead to quicker and more serious reactions.

luckylavender · 31/03/2019 13:31

I'd tell them to go to a hotel. Your house your rules. Absolutely not on to do that in someone's house without a conversation.

MadameAnchou · 31/03/2019 13:37

It's not polite to turn off anything in someone else's house without asking first.

Loopytiles · 31/03/2019 13:40

OP hasn’t stated where the items were: if in the room the guests would be sleeping in, not rude to move / unplug.

vintanner · 31/03/2019 13:44

I would never dream of doing this in someone else's home, it is disgraceful and rude. I can't believe the people who say they would just switch off or unplug. If I had a problem I would speak up, I know if anyone did it in my house they would NOT be invited again. I don't have plug-in air fresheners, by the way.

Stargazer888 · 31/03/2019 13:56

I have asthma and would never go into someone's home and do this. If it's a life and death situation I'd expect you to have discussed it with the person ahead of time. Even if it's not deadly mention it before coming over or at the very least right after you turn them off. If it's a massive problem for you then a hotel would be a better alternative, which is typically what we do.

KaterinaPetrova · 31/03/2019 13:56

I have to do that. Strong scents drive me insane. They cause terrible headaches. I always say, if my house needs plugins and air freshener then I need to clean and air it better.

Stargazer888 · 31/03/2019 13:56

@Loopy she said it was in their shared living space.