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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This annoys me - house guest

242 replies

kamillaw · 30/03/2019 20:52

We have family staying one has moved all my scented candles and switched off my lovely plug in thingy. It's annoyed me no end. AiBU

OP posts:
Nettlescoop · 30/03/2019 22:36

These things cause significant indoor pollution - your guests are doing you a favour.

LaurieMarlow · 30/03/2019 22:56

The replies on this thread are ridiculous.

The OP can do what she wants in her own house. Her guests are not compelled to stay with her, there are other options. Asking first would have been the polite thing to do.

Original poster
kamillaw · 30/03/2019 22:59

Thanks all I know what to do for next time they come. The headaches are not just from the candles he suffers in general.

Off to read up on toxicity of candles and plug ins

OP posts:
BillywilliamV · 30/03/2019 23:00

Hate, hate, HATE artificial air fresheners, I wouldn’t turn off one in someone else’s house though.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 30/03/2019 23:06

What a nice gracious response, OP Smile

MoreSlidingDoors · 30/03/2019 23:21

To those arguing that it’s the OP’s house and the guest can lump it, would you invite a vegetarian to stay and then only cook meat?

Vehivle · 30/03/2019 23:46

I'm genuinely aghast at the number of people on here who have said they'd just switch off the plugins/blow out the candles in a shared space without asking or at the very least explaining to the host after the act if it's a genuine "I'm allergic" situation- and feel like this is OK to do?? I'm a really laid back person and when I host I want to make my guests feel comfortable... but in the circles i socialise in, it would be a very odd thing to do.... If i were a guest in someone's home and they had scented candles that smelt bad frankly I'd just be polite and deal with it seeing as my friend has already been kind and gracious in letting me stay in their home in the first place. If it was making me very uncomfortable indeed then I would profusely apologise and ask if they can be turned off. If I was dangerously allergic then maybe I'd turn them off quickly on spotting them - but would then immediately apologise to the host and explain my actions. But frankly - I'm allergic to cats. My throat and eyes swell up so in worst cases I've found it harder to breath. But when I've slept over at friends houses who have cats - I'd never expect them to remove the cats from the house simply because I'm staying over (especially as my friend has house cats!). I just take some advil in advance and carry on. I'm so glad I don't know anybody in real life as rude and entitled as some of the people who've posted here. I think if I welcomed someone into my home and that someone went around altering how I like my home without saying a word to me as to why... I'd think they were mighty odd and wouldn't invite them again.

chipsandgin · 30/03/2019 23:46

I get you didn’t mean any harm OP & the person who did that should have communicated more clearly - but I would be the same, really can’t breathe (as in my breathing tubes start packing up!) around chemical scents, literally the only time my childhoood asthma plays up. Same with car scent things - even if I’m in a taxi with one for 10 mins I can barely breathe! If you are thinking of alternatives then essential oil burners are more natural & smell much nicer. Sounds like a misunderstanding though, not anything to worry about.

CantStopMeNow · 30/03/2019 23:49

JUST MOVE YOUR CANDLES BACK - SIMPLE

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe · 30/03/2019 23:50

OMG! This thread should be titled "things I never expected to read on MN".

I also HATE all those plug in things. And DH won't have candles in the house (petrified of fire). But I've never had the balls to say so on here. I always thought admitted to hating them was akin to putting up a post saying "hello, I'm a troll" or "I fuck other women's husbands for fun" or "I don't believe SN exists". I do bet there are eleventy-million threads on here and prob most of them in S+B about which candle to light next or which plug-in is the most gorgeous.

Bloody hell... I've found my spiritual home!

HelloDarlin · 31/03/2019 00:00

I’m glad you understand, OP. As a headache-prone person, I get that non-headache folk just don’t know what it feels like. Your guest is not being rude, they’re just in a lot of pain & discomfort.
I don’t do smells, either. Went into The White Company for the first time, yesterday. I was gagging straight away... Nevef again!

Bouchie · 31/03/2019 00:04

I'm with you red hats! So pleased I'm not alone. I bet you a million dollars they will be found to be carcenogenic in a few years.

Thelineisadottoyou · 31/03/2019 00:09

My uncle who is an electrician disconnected my grandmas plug socket as he hated the plug in so much. It took my gran years to realise, she thought the plug ins had gotten rubbish!

Absolutepowercorrupts · 31/03/2019 00:18

I hate plug in scented diffusers, to me they smell totally artificial, I have used scented candles in the past but don't anymore. However I would never switch them off in anybody's house. It's bloody rude.

Belenus · 31/03/2019 07:33

This link might be useful for anyone wanting to read more. www.poison.org/articles/air-freshener-171 Please note that essential oils are chemical compounds. Anything marketed as "chemical free" is selling you a lie, unless they're selling you a vacuum. Water is after all a chemical, just one that we consider benign (unless it's burning us, freezing us, drowning us or flooding the place!)

Tinkerbell456 · 31/03/2019 07:38

Even if they have allergies, bit cheeky to get rid of them without asking.

lurkingattheback · 31/03/2019 07:43

I understand people don't like them or they cause problems, but it's still very rude to just move them/turn off. They should have raised it with you.

AuntMarch · 31/03/2019 07:47

I would want my guest to be comfortable and I don't think I'd mind the plug in thing at all. But it would have been polite to say something - maybe they were trying to be discreet, but failed!

MaxNormal · 31/03/2019 08:34

Plug ins and scented candles give me terrible headaches and sinus pains. I just don't understand this modern obsession with filling our air with as much toxic crap as we can manage.

I recently walked into a hotel room to be confronted by a vile fake pear smell - the hotel room had a plug in thing!

MyOtherProfile · 31/03/2019 10:29

Even if they have allergies, bit cheeky to get rid of them without asking.
What if it was peanuts or something else that causes a more visible allergic reaction? Would you still think they were cheeky to move them out?

Dimsumlosesum · 31/03/2019 10:31

Mine's taken my clock off the wall, switched off all the nightlights, taken the hot water, and coveted the tv.

HoppingPavlova · 31/03/2019 10:42

I'd have switched them off and moved them out of the way as well, hoping you didn't notice until I'd left.

Sorry, not singling you out but it’s pretty representative of a lot of comments on this thread. I’m pretty gobsmacked people would do this. How hard is it to say “I’m really embarrassed to bring this up but I have asthma/allergies/sensitivities/whatever and really struggle with scented candles, even with lids on, and air diffusers. Is it at all possible to remove them. So sorry to ask you and again I’m really embarrassed to have to ask”. Host responds “of course” and removes said items. Guest says “thanks so much, I really appreciate this”. I would have thought this was normal social behaviour yet most people think creeping around rearranging the hosts house and belongings is the goConfused.

LunafortJest · 31/03/2019 10:52

They were rude to do that without asking. If it was an issue for them they should have asked, as HoppingPavlova put it.

I'd just plug them back in and put them on again.

dragoning · 31/03/2019 11:12

Guest should have asked first.

I would ditch the candles and plugins for the sake of your dog. They have a much better sense of smell and it must be overpowering. It's probably toxic to them too.

redwoodmazza · 31/03/2019 11:21

I would NOT expect guests in my house to interfere with my things without asking and giving a reason. Bloody cheek!!!