This annoys me - house guest

[kamillaw]

We have family staying one has moved all my scented candles and switched off my lovely plug in thingy. It's annoyed me no end. AiBU

And AGAIN, to anyone who says it's fine to dismantle or move someone's property in their own home without first asking, do you also think it's fine to, without asking: switch off their telly if it's on because it gives you a headache/affronts your senses; shoo their dog or cat outside because you are allergic/makes you sick/stinks; police what they eat, get up and throw their food out or move it because it makes you sick/you're allergic/affronts your sense/stinks?

I know it’s ridiculous

Because MN middle class sensibilities disapprove of these products, there seems to be the feeling that it’s ok to be outrageously rude about them. For some reason.

Neither of you are in the right - they should have let you know that they were being affected by the smells and let you come to an acceptable solution together and you shouldn't get all offended that they were moved. Basic hospitality is ensuring your guest's comfort.

My DM stopped visiting for a long time. I was so sad and hurt and didn't understand why she would visit my siblings but never me. I even shed a few tears over it thinking she preferred my sisters children to mine and preferred my sister to me.

I eventually found out by accident about a year ago that my scented candles on the mantelpiece that I barely remembered were even there aggravated her asthma - sometimes for weeks after a visit. But she was too polite to mention it to me because she never would dream of interfering with my things.

I'd have happily gathered up the few offending items and put them in the garage or the bin if I'd known. It's not like they were special to me as they were gifts from others.

Maybe the person moved and unplugged them when the OP wasn't around to ask? Then forgot to mention it? Or they felt too embarrassed to say anything?

Either way, moving some candles and unplugging something as small and unimportant as a plug in fragrance, is hardly "dismantling" something. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest if a houseguest did that.
The outrage from many posters seems way out of proportion to the guest's action.

No one has the right to dictate what happens in your house. Kick the cf's out.

On the other hand, the middle class response to house smells is to open windows. Anything else is not middle class - if you care about such things.

My parents and siblings are ‘familiy’, not ‘house guests ‘. We all feel at home on each other’s houses because we are family. We trust each other. No one would take the piss, Chuck anything out, re-arrange the furniture, turn off a tv that someone was watching or cancel the window cleaners contract, but we would all help ourselves to tea coffee, toast and turn off a plug in or move some heftily scented hyacinths to another room and then probably say ‘oh, by the way, I did (whatever) hope that’s ok, it was making me sneeze ‘ .

And no one would be remotely upset or offended because no harm or lasting change had been done.

“The outrage from many posters seems way out of proportion to the guest's action.”

To me, People seem so territorial.

My parents and siblings are ‘familiy’, not ‘house guests ‘. We all feel at home on each other’s houses because we are family. We trust each other. No one would take the piss, Chuck anything out, re-arrange the furniture, turn off a tv that someone was watching or cancel the window cleaners contract, but we would all help ourselves to tea coffee, toast and turn off a plug in or move some heftily scented hyacinths to another room and then probably say ‘oh, by the way, I did (whatever) hope that’s ok, it was making me sneeze ‘ And no one would be remotely upset or offended because no harm or lasting change had been done.

Amen. I'm genuinely astonished at the vitriol in this thread.

This reminds me so much of my father in law. When we stay at his it's his home so we have to abide by his way of doing things e.g. Windows open or closed, times we eat etc. But when he stays at ours we have to abide by his way of doing things because he's the guest. Somehow it always works in his favour. Conversely on this thread both the guest and the host are in the wrong

It is one plug in. A few candles that were moved without asking. I find it rude. They were not in pain FGS. Windows and doors are opened and closed as they see fit in my home. And I sit cold/boiling in my home. I cook for them and give up my room for them. They are my in-laws with whom j get on really well but I wasn't brought up to be so inconsiderate to not ask first. If they'd have said it really affects us of course I would accommodate them. The plug in is in the hallway so hardly wafting under their noses but I get others are more sensitive than I am.

It goes two ways though. Were you brought up to be considerate to house guests and make sure they are comfy? I really can't see why it's such a big issue. It just involved a bit of gice and take, and they probably wanted to be discreet.

Forgive me if someone's already asked this but how many candles were there?
Four?

I can understand them moving them (you may not notice the smell as strongly as a house guest who is not usually around it).

I may move them without saying first if they affected me, but I would say something, even if it was just a 'just to say but the candles were giving me a bit of a headache so I have them in x'.

I think your house guest could have at least said "I hope you don't mind but I've moved your scented candles and turned off your plug in thingy because I ....."

The fact that they didn't say anything is blooming rude. I would be a bit annoyed that they just did it without explanation.

I would check what kind of vapour is in the plug in as dogs can react badly to some of them.

@DuckbilledSplatterPuff

Yabu. I would have to do this too but I would ask and explain why first. Wouldn't be able to stay in a house with the plug ins.

@MyOtherProfile