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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely fuming at midwife re.breach of confidentiality?!?

418 replies

cheesepleez · 30/03/2019 20:06

We haven’t told anyone we are pregnant. Made a massive effort to keep it hidden until the 20 week scan which hasn’t happened yet. Found out our neighbour who we don’t get on with and who is also pregnant apparently knows we are expecting. As we haven’t told anyone, and I’m not even showing, I can only assume the community midwife has mentioned to this lady “your neighbour is pregnant too”.
To me this is a massive breach of confidentiality and we haven’t even told friends and family yet. It’s my flipping medical info. Am I BU?? Or should I be able to expect my midwife not to discuss other patients??

OP posts:
00100001 · 30/03/2019 21:19

"@00100001 sorry but are you dumb?"..what?

You repeatedly said that the midwife was the only person that knows.

Repeatedly.

Then you said the sonographer knew.

And it stands to reason that your GP knows. And the the receptionist knows.

So definitely more people than "just the midwife" knows.

So

why do you think it is the midwife that told the neighbour?

Why couldn't it be the receptionist at the GP surgery?

Sparklingbrook · 30/03/2019 21:19

Can you just text mutual friend and ask how the neighbour knew. Then you will know for sure.

Sparklesocks · 30/03/2019 21:19

I don’t think it’s fair to determine this is the definite way she found out when there are other possibilities. But I still think you should ask her, then you’ll know for sure. It will be terrible if you make a formal complaint about the midwife and then it turns out she found out another way.

imaleaver · 30/03/2019 21:19

If you are 20 weeks you probably look pregnant. Women get a look about them even without the bump. I can guess from about 8 weeks with colleagues. Face gets very slightly more masculine looking.

iklboo · 30/03/2019 21:20

Neighbour may have recognised midwife's number plate. Anyone could have and told her.

Assuming is not enough to make a complaint and nobody would investigate based on your Miss Marple hypothesis.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 30/03/2019 21:20

The problem is OP, you don't actually know. You're assuming and you could get someone into serious trouble when they've done nothing.

Why don't you ask your midwife if she's let anything slip or even ask your neighbour how she knows?

There are other possibilities which others have mentioned.

OKBobble · 30/03/2019 21:21

Why is definitely someone who visited though?

00100001 · 30/03/2019 21:21

How do you know that the GP receptionist isn't this neighbour s sister or something?
And she said "oh Mrs nam down the road from you is expecting as well?"

Original poster
cheesepleez · 30/03/2019 21:21

No, no one has seen me at th all hospital and no one has seen me at GP. Ive never even seen anyone I know at the gp as it’s a 20 minute drive away and I’ve never recognised anyone. Believe me, I would have spotted them first as I’ve been absolutely paranoid someone I know will see me. Hence the notes in giant handbag.

OP posts:
shaddywaddy · 30/03/2019 21:22

You're assuming no one saw you, you don't know if that is the case at all

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 30/03/2019 21:22

@00100001 does have a point.

The amount of gossip I know just by sitting in my doctors reception listening to the receptionists.

KittiKat · 30/03/2019 21:22

Blimey!!!! What a load of hassle you are getting!!!!!! Hope your blood pressure is coping. I too would be so pissed off about your current situation. If I were you, I would continue to deny it all until your do look pregnant

Glitterblue · 30/03/2019 21:23

Before we had told anyone, my work colleagues guessed and someone eagle eyed had spotted my midwife notes in the background on a photo on Facebook. People talk...could have been anyone!

Original poster
cheesepleez · 30/03/2019 21:24

The gp building itself is huge. It caters for a wide geographical range. Not like a tiny little gp for the small village as that closed years ago. So no, receptionist definitely wouldn’t know who I am besides the fact I’m a patient.

OP posts:
oldowlgirl · 30/03/2019 21:24

Op, you've absolutely no proof it's the midwife. I agree with everyone else - there are a number of accidental ways your neighbour knows. It could even be that your friend guessed (or had her suspicions) & decided to blame your neighbour so that she could ask you & knowing you'd never speak to the neighbour to actually find out that it was your friend & not the neighbour.

FWIW, 'we' are having a baby, but only 1 person (you) is pregnant.

00100001 · 30/03/2019 21:24

Ok, you haven't been seen by anyone. No-one has seen your notes. No-one outside of the medical community knows.

So, out your complaint in writing.
What do you want to happen?

KittiKat · 30/03/2019 21:24

By the way, don't ask your neighbour how she knows you are pregnant, as others are suggesting!!!

greenlynx · 30/03/2019 21:24

You are absolutely right to be fuming. The problem is that it’s serious enough complaint so you need to be 100% sure that it was your midwife and that she told your neighbor specifically that you are pregnant.
You can’t undo now what happened, so could you avoid answering this question for a while? Like not answering this mutual friend’s txt or calls ? And avoid your neighbor.
Congratulations on your pregnancy! Good luck at your scan! Flowers

YouBumder · 30/03/2019 21:25

How do you know no one has seen you? Just because you haven’t seen anyone else doesn’t mean they haven’t seen you!

Ask the midwife if you must but you’ve got no proof whatsoever she’s breached your confidence so it’s a bit OTT to be “fuming”.

SleepingSloth · 30/03/2019 21:25

No, no one has seen me at th all hospital and no one has seen me at

You can not be absolutely sure of that. You could have been walking in to the scan room whilst she was just walked into the department and saw the back of you.

If it's bothering you, you need to ask how she knows. If the midwife has told her then obviously you can complain.

I hope your pregnancy goes well.

EffYouSeeKaye · 30/03/2019 21:25

Well, you would need proof, but you don’t have any, you can’t do much without it and rightly so.

You sound stressed. It’s understandable. You’ve had problems previously and here you are, almost at 20 weeks. It’s a nervous (and exciting) time and you are feeling it.

This will seem a much smaller issue very soon. Focus on your baby and work on reducing your stress and anxiety.

Emilizz34 · 30/03/2019 21:26

I’m a midwife . Unless you are extremely overweight /obese then there’s no way that you’re not really showing by now .
You’re making a huge assumption to assume that your midwife told the Neighbour so if I were you I would be very careful about making those allegations without definite proof or you will find your maternity care to be very awkward indeed !!
Ask your friend to find out how the Neighbour knows . If it was the midwife , then this is a very serious matter that should be reported to her employer and nursing & midwifery council for alleged professional misconduct

Excusemyfrench · 30/03/2019 21:27

Why dont you ask your neighbour 'why do you think Im pregnant? ' and just find out🤷🏻‍♀️

MynameisJune · 30/03/2019 21:27

You don’t actually know that your neighbour even knows you’re pregnant. For all you know your friend has guessed and instead of asking outright used your NDN as an excuse knowing that you dislike her and won’t be talking to her to ask.

TokyoSushi · 30/03/2019 21:28

GrinGrin I shall maintain a dignified silence.

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