To be absolutely fuming at midwife re.breach of confidentiality?!?

[cheesepleez]

We haven’t told anyone we are pregnant. Made a massive effort to keep it hidden until the 20 week scan which hasn’t happened yet. Found out our neighbour who we don’t get on with and who is also pregnant apparently knows we are expecting. As we haven’t told anyone, and I’m not even showing, I can only assume the community midwife has mentioned to this lady “your neighbour is pregnant too”.
To me this is a massive breach of confidentiality and we haven’t even told friends and family yet. It’s my flipping medical info. Am I BU?? Or should I be able to expect my midwife not to discuss other patients??

Your not-neighbour never walks anywhere? Do you stalk her?

It would be pretty far-fetched for a Midwife to announce your pregnancy to another total stranger. I know a few Midwives and I know at least two know close friends very well but haven't ever crossed that boundary of professionalism when I was pregnant.

You really should tell your boss, there's employment rules and regulations to adhere to.

GP Receptionist
Midwife
Sonographer
Neighbour
Mutual Friend

So five people know.

Just to echo what others have said, your horrible neighbour might have walked past your house and saw the car. I completely understand your upset, especially as the last 4 months have been so tough. However, you should ask and be completely sure before getting angry. Good luck with your scan.

@00100001 stop being so bloody snarky. Obviously there’s a whole host of medical people involved who KNOW IM PREGNANT but only one visits people!!? My last scan was last week at 18 weeks.

And dh?

yabu to assume it would have been the midwife.

It could have been the gp or sonographer or more likely none of the above.

If it was one of the above it must have been some kind of accidental mistake.

Ask the mutual friend to ask her if you don't want to ask her yourself.

You really can't jump to the conclusion your midwife has told anyone else. It will be very difficult for her to prove she hasn't told your neighbour, as you can't prove a negative. There are so many other ways she could have found out.

Some people can just spot pregnant women - I know I can. I don't go around telling anyone else though.
To put your mind as ease, I would suggest asking her directly, face to face, and she what she says / how she reacts and then take it from there. One thing I wouldn't do is broadcast your suspicions to anyone else in RL - that sort of thing gets around and she'll have hell to pay and there is a high chance she has nothing to do with this neighbour 'knowledge'.

When I told the 'school mums' I was pregnant with my second child, one of them said that she knew I was because she'd seen me at the hospital when I'd gone for a scan. She'd been there with her sister who was having a scan, she'd seen me but I hadn't seen her. She hadn't told anyone as she's lovely. Could it be the same situation for you?

Its more likely something simple like she's seen you at the hospital rather than the likelihood of the well trained midwife gossiping to a random patient.

Where did you go for the 18 week scan?

But you have been insisting all this time that "only the midwife" knows so it HAD to be her

But now you tell us that actually a whole host of people know.

So how do you know it was the midwife? When all you "know" is that your friend says that your neighbour told her.

Even where the cars aren’t branded you can still hazard a guess it’s the MW if you’re tuned into the cars they drive. When I was pregnant the community midwives all had blue clios. A few people said to me once I’d had my baby they only guessed because they’d seen the MW’s car parked outside. Same as when I drove past the dr’s surgery I could tell there was clinic on.

I always think it’s reallt funny on threads where people make sensible suggestions but there’s always a specific set of circumstances that apply to the OP that make those impossible

Have you been to any baby shops, Mothercare or the like? She or a mutual acquaintance could have seen you there and guessed/assumed.
Have you had any parcels delivered that have gone to a neighbour with baby related packaging? They could have mentioned it.
Normally in the GP the midwives have a designated room so it’d be obvious that you were pregnant when you were called in there, could this be the case?
Unless you ask the neighbour where she got the idea you’re pregnant from, you’ll never know for sure. And until you know for certain, you can’t accuse the midwife.
Personally, I’d let it go. The chances of it being the midwife are slim and to get more details you’ll have to speak to the horrible neighbour which doesn’t seem worth it. Just focus on growing your little one.

Could she have seen you at the scan?

So you've only recently had a scan at 18 weeks ? Sounds like you were spotted at the hospital

I can see a possible scenario for her knowing.

Neighbour has phoned midwife/surgery/maternity unit to book an appointment. When asked for name address she has said, for example, Sue Smith, Little Lane. The receptionist has only heard the Little Lane part, looked it up on the computer & replied “oh is that Jo Jones? Is this for your 20 week scan?” etc etc.

Still a breach of confidentiality really but not malicious.

As a PP said, please don’t accuse anyone of breaking confidentiality without cast iron proof. It is taken extremely seriously in the NHS - as it should be.

If 'we' are pregnant, that's quite unusual for 2 people to be pregnant in your house at the same time. So for that reason you may have particularly stuck in the midwives mind, but of course she shouldn't have said anything and should be reported if she was gossiping.

@00100001 I ask only because it’s quite obvious there’s other medical staff involved in the pregnancy process but only one will have done a home visit on both me and my neighbour. So when I say it’s only my midwife who knows, I mean it’s only my midwife who knows I’M pregnant, has been to visit me at home. I’m just a number in the system to the rest of the staff involved.

YABU to jump to conclusions, you mention what could be a possible scenario, but won’t acknowledge all the plausible suggestions put forward by PPs
Did you dislike your midwife already?

If you’re that concerned just ask the neighbour how she knows.

I can only assume midwife

This is not enough reason to question a person’s professional integrity. Have you seen your midwife at the gp. Everyone in that waiting room knows you’ve been called in to the Midwife’s office. You recently had a 18 week scan, did you have a 12 week one as well? That’s at least 2. Your neighbour could have been at the hospital (in the car park, in the next scan room). You’re making a massive leap blaming you’re midwife, and in that sense you’re being very unreasonable.

Well you live down a lane so maybe she noticed the car? Maybe she knows the midwife so always recognises it?

I wasn’t sure from your posts - is your neighbour definitely pregnant?

We didn’t tell anyone until 22 weeks so I get it but I don’t think you can automatically assume it was the midwife. We saw dh’s Cousin leaving the scan room once - we’ve never mentioned it and the kids are 12. They didn’t see us.

@TokyoSushi is there a need to be pedantic? “We are pregnant” is a term commonly used when a couple are expecting a baby. I certainly didn’t get pregnant on my own, I’m not that magical.

It seems a bit of a jump- possible, I suppose, but seems unlikely. And you have no proof it was the midwife. I would suggest that before you jump to "furious" and make complaints of a very serious nature that perhaps you could ask your neighbour who told them? If they say it was the midwife then you've got cause for complaint and can pursue the matte as you see fit.

I wonder how you know that these neighbours, who you don't like and don't speak to, have been told about your pregnancy? Did someone tell you that the neighbours told them?