To be absolutely fuming at midwife re.breach of confidentiality?!?

[cheesepleez]

We haven’t told anyone we are pregnant. Made a massive effort to keep it hidden until the 20 week scan which hasn’t happened yet. Found out our neighbour who we don’t get on with and who is also pregnant apparently knows we are expecting. As we haven’t told anyone, and I’m not even showing, I can only assume the community midwife has mentioned to this lady “your neighbour is pregnant too”.
To me this is a massive breach of confidentiality and we haven’t even told friends and family yet. It’s my flipping medical info. Am I BU?? Or should I be able to expect my midwife not to discuss other patients??

While it would of course be a breach of confidentiality for the midwife to have told your neighbour about your pregnancy, you’ve got absolutely no proof that she did say anything.

There’s a number of ways your neighbour might have guessed something was up. Anything from seeing you walk into a pregnancy appointment to seeing you put pregnancy vitamins in your trolley at the supermarket.

If you live in a small village is there a chance the the midwife said something like ‘I was at one of your neighbours only last week’ and your neighbour has worked out that you are one of only a few women the right age etc. Then she has said to your friend that she heard you were pregnant hoping to find out for sure.

Oh come on. That is literally ridiculous to assume she's guilty of blabbing, particularly when she knows how important confidentiality is. Do you know how many people have access to your records and how many antenatal lists you're on? Trust me, it's a LOT.

we are pregnant
Is that even possible?

OP you're being ridiculous. Let it go.

Plus pregnancy doesn't just show in the belly. Unless you have an invisibility cloak then you've been seen or someone has clocked your pregnant chin.

Unless this is the virgin birth, stop focusing on this none issue as central to what's really worrying you and own your real fears.

Good luck on you next scan.

A work colleague found out I was pregnant before I had told anybody because a relative of hers lived around the corner and saw the midwife's car parked outside my house. The car was a non-descript old banger, but she recognised it because she'd had the same midwife. It wasn't the midwife's fault. You are being ridiculous.

’Hardly a state secret or a data protection issue’

It is precisely a data protection issue.

It's so embarrassing when people ask should stupid vacuous questions.

OP, congratulations on your pregnancy. I hope all goes well. This has obviously upset you so I would ask the midwife if she's mentioned anything that could have given your pregnancy away to anyone none medical and go from there.

You could make a formal request to see who has accessed your medical records as there has been a breach of confidentiality. Even if nothing untoward turns up it will give everyone a kick up the arse.

My HV denied it all, clearly my CM was making it up, basically they closed ranks. I did get a much better HV out of it though...

Shit stirring neighbour is stirring shit & struck gold.

There is no way you can know it was the midwife that told her. Your neighbour could just as easily have been passing your house as the midwife was arriving/leaving or spotted her car outside and any number have people may have seen you at a midwife/scan appointment without you seeing them. I walked past my sister today and she didn’t notice me until I came after her and called out. Just because you didn’t see anyone, doesn’t me no one has seen you. You are very good at jumping to conclusions.

“We are pregnant” is a term commonly used when a couple are expecting a baby.
It's really not.

I'm sorry that your neighbour has found out before you wanted to tell people and I understand your anger but I really do think it's misplaced.
Despite your insistence, there are SO many ways your neighbour could know and I highly doubt it's your midwife. Have you asked her?

If she's that much trouble, perhaps she's just made it up?

Or she's one of those people who is good at noticing differences in people. I tend to know when people are pregnant. I don't tell them because I presume they haven't told me for a reason, but I just get a feeling. There must be some little behaviours I pick up on.

Both of those things are equally as likely as your midwife randomly mentioning you in conversation. You can't accuse her without proof.

Unless you are extremely overweight /obese then there’s no way that you’re not really showing by now

I went to my 20 week scan in my size 8 skinny jeans in my first pregnancy! Didn’t get any hint of a bump until 24 weeks. And I didn’t have a ‘pregnant chin’ either. My chin looked the same as normal when I gave birth at 40+12 with DC3 in fact.

I'm sorry you've not been able to enjoy your pregnancy so far OP.

I think most people commenting on this thread have been not been in this position and are apparently unable to understand what this may feel like.

It must be very difficult to have not be in a position to tell people and to find out they may now know anyway. I can understand your frustration. Your medical information is absolutely privileged and it sounds very likely that it came from your midwife.

I would tread carefully though, you may be stuck with this midwife so I would definitely bring it up but you may want to save most of it until after your professional relationship with her is over.

Arf at “we are pregnant” being an identifier that you’re in a relationship with the baby’s father

My dance teacher knew I was pregnant way before i was showing because she said my body shape had changed. Most people didnt know, including sibs, until after my 20 wk scan.

I knew dh’s bf’s girlfriend was pregnant VERY early, turned out before she knew, because her face changed. And she looked rough AF.

Sometimes you can just tell when someone is pregnant. It isnt just about having a bump.

Anyway, that is beaide the point. The actual point is you dont actually know and are assuming. Ask your friend to ask neighbour how she knows.

I once found out someone I knew was pregnant because I was in the waiting room when she came in to book an appointment at the GP's. I doubt she noticed me.

How do you know that your neighbour shouts in the road if she lives a two minute walk away @Nambammam?

Lol at the data protection issue. How is this data protection?

It is if someone at the GP surgery or hospital has looked at her records (for valid reasons - booked appointment, sent letters) then they blabbed to anyone else.

How do you know that your neighbour shouts in the road if she lives a two minute walk away

I wondered that. How much of a nightmare neighbour can she be if she lives that far away and you share a friend?

Mutual friend must think neighbour is ok. And you can walk quite far in 2 minutes.

Sorry I stand corrected, medical conditions are covered under data protection www.bbc.com/bitesize/guides/z6kj6sg/revision/4

This is one of those threads in AIBU where the OP refuses to accept they might be BU.

OP you have no evidence this was your midwife so without that, YABU to be angry with her. Ask her next time you see her. If you ask your friend then you'll be outing yourself. It's much more likely you have been seen at appointments and people have guessed. You don't have to be showing to know - work colleagues worked it out with me at 8 weeks. I guessed my DS was pregnant before she even knew.