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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be prematurely pissed off about Mothers day?

163 replies

SongforSal · 30/03/2019 18:27

We have 2 teen DC'S. The eldest came back from Uni a couple of days ago.

I work full time, I also do 100% of the cooking and the majority of the housework. DH will wash the dinner things up maybe 3 times a week at a push.

I am flat out fucking exhausted. I ensure the house is clean, everyone has nutritious meals. During work hours I liaise with the youngest school at least 3 times per week as he has special needs. I make meal plans each week for us, and also send a food shop to our eldest at Uni. I pay the bills, budget our money, sort all areas of finance.

Today I got up at 7.30 am (my biggest lay in in a long time!) after a particularly shocking and long day at work yesterday and cooked up a fanfare for my family and parents, and have been hosting all day. After giving my mother gifts as I wont see her tomorrow DH tells me he has not got me anything for tomorrow so don't be disappointed, nor has he arranged anything as he has been too busy with work and has been preoccupied with getting a new car. He then tells me 'Well you aren't my mother'.

I expect I will get a card of the DC's....Other than that, tomorrow will be spent with me ironing, making the youngest lunchbox for school. Cooking a roast dinner and washing up, washing, cleaning the bathroom and all the other shit work.

I'm not mad I haven't any gifts, but seriously! A bit of thought? It's not even like we are strapped for cash and that's a consideration. After tomorrows over and I have facilitated everyone I am back to work again for the week.

Would it be unreasonable to fuck of for the day tomorrow and leave them to it?

OP posts:
Survivingorthriving · 30/03/2019 18:30

Do it, take a day off and they might just appreciate you a bit more.

GreatDuckCookery · 30/03/2019 18:30

Stop being everyone’s slave!! Seriously.

Tomorrow go out for the day or stay in bed, reading.

MrsMozartMkII · 30/03/2019 18:31

So why will you be doing all that tomorrow?

Take yourself off out for the day.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 30/03/2019 18:31

For a day? I’d fuck off for a month and see how they cope without you performing all your Mum jobs!

Oldest is capable of sorting his own Mother’s Day gifts. Youngest should have been taken out by his dad to pick something. Or at very fucking least sat beside him with his phone and ordered flowers and a card off Moonpig! It would have taken 120 seconds of his life to do that! I’m so angry for you.

Stop doing all that you do. It isn’t appreciated. Sort yourself out. DH can step up and sort whatever needs done for everyone else.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 30/03/2019 18:32

It's not up to your DH to get you anything. Your eldest DC should be more than capable of doing that. Getting them to share some househild duties should have been done long ago

EKGEMS · 30/03/2019 18:32

Oh hell to the no! Frankly you deserve a month long vacation away from all of them! As a teenager I helped clean our family home even though my mother was opposed to making children work but I couldn't watch her work her fingers to the bone and I had a job on weekends as well so your children should be cooking and cleaning. As for your lazy ass husband you are his children's MOTHER and you deserve to be treated special-does he insist on Father's Day celebration?

SamBaileys · 30/03/2019 18:32

Yep, leave them to it if you think it will make dh realise how much you do.

MissMooMoo · 30/03/2019 18:32

Just dont do anything! Apart from prepping for your child with SN if it means that nobody else will and their day won't run as planned.

Minesapineappledelight · 30/03/2019 18:33

You're a mug for doing all that. Food shops for a uni student indeed. Stop pampering your family and making a martyr of yourself. Take a wodge of cash and go and do something YOU want tonorrow, and make a new resolution to stop putting yourself over a barrel for no reason. My primary aged daughter does more around the house than the rest of your family put together. With the possible exception of DC with SN, why are you putting up with this?

ILoveMaxiBondi · 30/03/2019 18:33

And certainly don’t do any of that crap for them tomorrow! Roast dinner!! No. They should be making it for you or taking you out for dinner.

Whackaguacamole · 30/03/2019 18:33

Why do you shop for your adult child?

At their ages they should have sorted stuff for you themselves, with a nudge from their dad if necessary

myusernameisnotmyusername · 30/03/2019 18:33

Have a day for yourself tomorrow and put it all on DH's credit card. I'm sorry you are unappreciated.

Alsohuman · 30/03/2019 18:34

They wouldn’t see me for dust.

FlutterShite · 30/03/2019 18:34

Fucking hell. I'm livid on your behalf, OP. I was feeling grumpy about my day, and the utter lack of a treat tomorrow's going to be for me, but you have it far worse.

If I complained to anyone IRL they'd tell me I need to address it and talk about it and put my foot down and say I'm not going to take it any more, etc, but it's not that easy. Am I right to assume that's the same for you - talking about it would unleash all manner of fresh hell?

M4J4 · 30/03/2019 18:34

YABU for doing all the housework for a selfish twat.

Are you being a matyr?

woollyheart · 30/03/2019 18:34

Just stay in bed and do what you want! You don't HAVE to do all those things.

woodhill · 30/03/2019 18:35

My do is very much like that. I'm hoping to hear from my adult dc tomorrow but won't hold my breath. DD1 is usually very good. I would love some cards nothing else.

NerrSnerr · 30/03/2019 18:35

Why are you doing all that for them all? You husband and eldest are both grown adults so they can surely cook and sort themselves and the younger child out?

You have to stop doing everything for everyone. Have you asked your husband to do his fair share around the house?

I also agree, your husband shouldn't be buying a present for your eldest to give to you- they're over 18, old enough to be doing it themselves.

moita · 30/03/2019 18:35

^also send a food shop to our eldest at Uni.

Why?! You aren't doing him any favours in the long run. He needs to do this himself.

justthecat · 30/03/2019 18:36

I agree, take yourself off for the day and leave them to it. I’d also do the same on Father’s Day

gamerchick · 30/03/2019 18:37

No you do that.

Do the uniform tonight and an easy packed lunch to throw together and leave the rest to them. Only because it means you'll probably be running around like a blue arsed fly otherwise.

Hope you have a mint day.

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 30/03/2019 18:37

After reading your Op I consider it would be unreasonable if you did NOT fuck off for the day and leave them to it. Please go out tomorrow and do something just for you.

CurtainsOpen · 30/03/2019 18:38

Mum doing Mum stuff

JoinTheDots · 30/03/2019 18:38

I've been saying this for years, its a false economy, Mothering Sunday. You have one day off, no one does anything that needs doing, so you end up with twice as much to try to sort out the following day / week.

You are not being unreasonable to be pissed off at the lack of thought.

It might not be possible for you to just head out for the day (and anyway, see first paragraph above) but use it to let your family know that this is not fair. Yes, you are not your husband's mother, but he should be doing more as a general rule, and I am sure your children can too (SN taken into account).

idontlike789 · 30/03/2019 18:39

Sorry but stop doing Everything for everyone. YANBU but time to start delegate and have some time out .
What would you like to do ?
Leave the jobs ask dc to help out .
I'm probably the same every now and then I have a rant and dh and dc will take over but it's my own fault as I usually insist on doing everything.