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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be prematurely pissed off about Mothers day?

163 replies

SongforSal · 30/03/2019 18:27

We have 2 teen DC'S. The eldest came back from Uni a couple of days ago.

I work full time, I also do 100% of the cooking and the majority of the housework. DH will wash the dinner things up maybe 3 times a week at a push.

I am flat out fucking exhausted. I ensure the house is clean, everyone has nutritious meals. During work hours I liaise with the youngest school at least 3 times per week as he has special needs. I make meal plans each week for us, and also send a food shop to our eldest at Uni. I pay the bills, budget our money, sort all areas of finance.

Today I got up at 7.30 am (my biggest lay in in a long time!) after a particularly shocking and long day at work yesterday and cooked up a fanfare for my family and parents, and have been hosting all day. After giving my mother gifts as I wont see her tomorrow DH tells me he has not got me anything for tomorrow so don't be disappointed, nor has he arranged anything as he has been too busy with work and has been preoccupied with getting a new car. He then tells me 'Well you aren't my mother'.

I expect I will get a card of the DC's....Other than that, tomorrow will be spent with me ironing, making the youngest lunchbox for school. Cooking a roast dinner and washing up, washing, cleaning the bathroom and all the other shit work.

I'm not mad I haven't any gifts, but seriously! A bit of thought? It's not even like we are strapped for cash and that's a consideration. After tomorrows over and I have facilitated everyone I am back to work again for the week.

Would it be unreasonable to fuck of for the day tomorrow and leave them to it?

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 30/03/2019 19:54

Just do anything so that you are not there.

:(

FFSFFSFFS · 30/03/2019 19:54

I work full time, I also do 100% of the cooking and the majority of the housework

Well I'd be changing this. Why do you do this?

Cornishclio · 30/03/2019 19:57

Honestly yes you need to take a step back. It is often the case that the more you do the more is expected of you. Your eldest is perfectly capable of sorting out a card and box of chocolates or bunch of flowers. Not sure how old your youngest is but if not old enough your DH should have organised him. Is he really saying him getting a new car is more important than recognising all you do on Mother's Day? Your are not his mum but still I cannot imagine my DH or my son in law behaving like that so he is selfish, thoughtless and lazy. If your sons also ignore it then you need to change their attitude or they will turn out like your DH.

Have a nice lie in tomorrow. No packed lunches, ironing, roast dinner etc. Tell your DH he is in charge and go off for the day. You can get tickets for shows in Leicester Square on the day.

PolaDeVeboise · 30/03/2019 19:58

Sorry to pile it on OP, but you have to ask WHY you are doing all this? You are just as valuable a person as they are. It's the old story - if someone else will do it, let them... that 'someone else' is you. Tomorrow should be a wake up call for him!

Ilovemypantry · 30/03/2019 19:59

Yes, do it OP! Go online, you’re sure to find a show with seats available last minute. If not, go to London (or anywhere else you fancy) , have a lovely lunch, do some shopping, just do something for YOU 💐

Nanny0gg · 30/03/2019 19:59

I had a shit childhood at times, which is why I overcompensate for my eldest. My DM's first 2 children died, and she didn't really get close to me when I was born (we have a fabulous relationship now) but I guess I give the eldest everything I wish I had.

But you've already given him more than you had. What you now need to give is independence.

And yes, you can get last minute tickets to a show.

Go, and enjoy. (And as of now, stop doing anything everything for your husband

nomilknosugarplease · 30/03/2019 20:02

Walk out for the day. Me and my siblings were little shits as teenagers and rarely did anything for my mum, same goes for my DF. One day she just walked out for the whole day and it really was a massive wake up call and we saw how awful we were. Things changed from then on!

Wantmyflipflops · 30/03/2019 20:02

I know for a fact that my DH hasn't bothered about mothers day...

Can I come see a show too?

Tinkerbell89 · 30/03/2019 20:02

Get up, get yourself ready and go out. Have a day to yourself and leave them at home. Leave a list of things your husband can do whilst you're out. Relax

SurgeHopper · 30/03/2019 20:05

Will you actually do as people suggest though, and bugger off on your own tomorrow?

ineedaholidaynow · 30/03/2019 20:06

I am sure there are enough people on here who can give you recommendations of what is on in London at the moment, so you can treat yourself tomorrow.

And if you are not short of money, start to make this a regular thing, you deserve it.

Disfordarkchocolate · 30/03/2019 20:06

Go for it OP. If it where me I'd be off to the beach or the lakes for the day and totally relaxing. Fresh air, nice lunch, a shop or two or some time with a good book. Leave a list and head for the hills for the day.

When you get back make some changes, you need to allocate some jobs and have more downtime.

FlopsyMopsyRabbit · 30/03/2019 20:07

If your DC is uni age then I'm not sure it's your DH responsibility to organise something for Mother's Day, your DC is old enough to do that and old enough to do their own food shop

You don't have to do all those tasks, tell your DH to get off his arse and help and go and have a nice day by yourself and actually relax for once!

voddiekeepsmesane · 30/03/2019 20:07

YABU to a point sorry I have no sympathy for martyrdom. For gods sake grow a pair and tell you OH and Adult son to get on with it. I have a 14yo DS. I have made sure he helps out with household chores as does his father...we all make the mess/eat the meals so why should they not help cook/clean? You have caused this and now 18/20 years along you moan because they won't help? Yes they are being unfair but you are not blameless in this IMO

voddiekeepsmesane · 30/03/2019 20:10

Oh and I agree with PP it is NOT your DHs responsibility to get mothers day gifts from your children once they pass around the secondary school age IME

ineedaholidaynow · 30/03/2019 20:11

OP, I am currently poorly so can't go and see my DM tomorrow. So DH and DS are going to see her instead. Then DH will come home and cook dinner for us. That is what a loving family should be doing

supersop60 · 30/03/2019 20:14

Just do it, OP. Take the day off, and tell them all why. Then make a list of the jobs you expect people to do from now on. It doesn't have to be difficult (eg wash up, do some laundry, vacuum their own bedroom, iron their own shirts etc) Have a lovely day!

leafy22 · 30/03/2019 20:16

Omg yes take the day off!!! I'll join you! 🥂

justthecat · 30/03/2019 20:17

Get yourself off to London 😀👏🍾

lilabet2 · 30/03/2019 20:17

Will your eldest definitely not have bought anything? Are they back from Uni especially for Mother's Day?

zizza · 30/03/2019 20:20

Sadly there aren't usually shows on Sundays but I hope you find something nice to do. Just whatever you do, do something for yourself - no cooking, cleaning etc and then you can re-think how things usually are

DesertSky · 30/03/2019 20:23

OP be selfish and take care of yourself for once. Let them sort themselves out every now and then.

And there was me feeling the same today with 3 young children and thinking it’ll be so much easier when they’re teenagers, argghhh

BunsOfAnarchy · 30/03/2019 20:28

Take the day off.
Is there a salon near you? Or a spa? My local salon is open Sunday's and I told DH to not even talk to me and just pay for my manicure and spa pedicure.
It's my first mothers day and I wanna spend it with my darling DD...But my gift is also some me time and no chores!

keepforgettingmyusername · 30/03/2019 20:28

'How many mums do you think will be cooking tomorrow? 0%'

What planet do you live on Confused

ineedaholidaynow · 30/03/2019 20:28

I've just googled and there do seem to be some shows on tomorrow, so go for it OP. There may some exhibitions on as well