AIBU to be prematurely pissed off about Mothers day?

[SongforSal]

We have 2 teen DC'S. The eldest came back from Uni a couple of days ago.

I work full time, I also do 100% of the cooking and the majority of the housework. DH will wash the dinner things up maybe 3 times a week at a push.

I am flat out fucking exhausted. I ensure the house is clean, everyone has nutritious meals. During work hours I liaise with the youngest school at least 3 times per week as he has special needs. I make meal plans each week for us, and also send a food shop to our eldest at Uni. I pay the bills, budget our money, sort all areas of finance.

Today I got up at 7.30 am (my biggest lay in in a long time!) after a particularly shocking and long day at work yesterday and cooked up a fanfare for my family and parents, and have been hosting all day. After giving my mother gifts as I wont see her tomorrow DH tells me he has not got me anything for tomorrow so don't be disappointed, nor has he arranged anything as he has been too busy with work and has been preoccupied with getting a new car. He then tells me 'Well you aren't my mother'.

I expect I will get a card of the DC's....Other than that, tomorrow will be spent with me ironing, making the youngest lunchbox for school. Cooking a roast dinner and washing up, washing, cleaning the bathroom and all the other shit work.

I'm not mad I haven't any gifts, but seriously! A bit of thought? It's not even like we are strapped for cash and that's a consideration. After tomorrows over and I have facilitated everyone I am back to work again for the week.

Would it be unreasonable to fuck of for the day tomorrow and leave them to it?

For goodness sake OP it is just another day! Another event designed to make people feel guilty if they don't buy presents, flowers, meal out, etc. Does it really matter?

I'm dreading tomorrow. My child is only young and her Dad is AWOL so it will just be another day for me. What I'm dreading is all the gushing by all the 'spoilt' Mum's of children even younger than mine. Staying off Facebook!

Why are you doing it all if you hate it. Start by telling them you're not cooking Sunday dinner tomorrow and see what happens.

Yeah you’re being a total martyr.

Oh just grow up and stop playing the martyr. If you don’t want to be the facilitator teach your child who can to do, and share the load of your child who can’t. Either do it with love or don’t.

You are treated like shit by your family all the time, would them making an effort tomorrow make much difference???

The common theme I'm seeing in all the Mother's day threads and there are loads is that there are bigger issues in the family dynamic..... namely that mum is taken for granted, feels overburdened and underappreciated.

Forget tomorrow OP, your problems go way beyond Mother's day.

If you wake up tomorrow to just a card then they need to wake up to an epic shit fit. Point out quite how much you do for them all and then storm out. Channel a real Beyoncé style diva. As for your not so ‘d’h when he attempts to come to bed tonight make sure he knows he’s not sleeping in your bed as he hasn’t lifted a sodding finger around the house in weeks. Melt down and storm out.

Would you be better off single with a cleaner?

Take tomorrow off!

Aw that’s so sad @worried2019 I have a friend like this with two small children and I’ve helped them get something. Just because your child is young doesn’t mean you shouldn’t spoil yourself- teach them from a young age just how you deserve to be treated

This makes me feel so sad OP.

It makes me physically feel awful to even think my mum could feel so under appreciated. I hope we have never made her feel this way!

I would take the day off to go and do something for you. Dont think about DH or DC just think about what you would like to do. Go shopping (for you!!), go to the cinema, go for a swim or a spa day.

Happy Mothers day OP, you're going above and beyond, clearly!

You should have a day off. If you are the only person capable of putting a decent meal together that you are going to enjoy, then maybe do the roast (or go out for a meal), but do nothing else. The dc and your dh should do anything else that needs doing, but not what doesn't. It's fine to let things slide a week. I wouldn't expect a gift, but I've never done gifts for mothers day.

Definitely take yourself out for the day once you've given everyone a bit of time to produce cards, breakfast etc.

I've already told dh I want to cancel tomorrow as at least one child will do nothing. I've also told him I will feed and walk the dog and do the washing but I will not cook and o will not iron tomorrow.

One year my dd didn't even say happy Mother's Day never mind make or buy a card and one year another child took a card from my box and wrote that. It was a sympathy card. I'm still not ready to laugh.

I hate Mother's day generally as mine abandoned me and it's just a reminder every year I didn't have one and how rubbish I am that even my own parents didn't want me .

Not because it's Mother's day tomorrow, but purely because you clearly have a spoilt DH and babied eldest DC, I'd be writing a list of all jobs that you expect them to do and then take yourself off for a day out alone. I'd also say you expect them to cook a roast for your return at X time.

I'd then leave a further note for your DH that in future he won't be leaving the shite-work solely for you, it will be shared as you both work full time.

So use tomorrow as a catalyst to make a change!

"He then tells me 'Well you aren't my mother'."

And this is what you will be reminding him when you put an end to doing all his cooking, cleaning and washing:

"You are quite right, DH. And that's exactly why you will be clearing up your own mess and cooking your own meals from now on."

Mothers Day is an irrelevance here. You need to think about what you want from life and making yourself a higher priority. You don't have to do a lot of this stuff if you don't want to. And then MD won't seem so important.

Wives and mothers are for life, not just for Mother's Day.

Definitely go out for the day and relax!

But what if he's said all this so you won't suspect something? I'm a hopefully optimist about these things, I hope you wake up tomorrow and he surprises you with something lovely!
Happy Mother's Day x

I lost my mother a few weeks ago.

YABU. Count your blessings.

l used to work with a girl in her 20s who, if Mother's Day was mentioned, would say "oh, l don't bother. She doesn't expect anything."
She was a nice, thoughtful person otherwise, and l couldn't believe it! How much effort is it to buy a card and some flowers?!

'Well you aren't my mother'.

Remember this is June when it's Father's Day. Well, he's not your father!

Absolutely go off for the whole day! I really hope you do.

Mother's day is the least of your problems. You are a household of two adults, a teen with particular needs and, temporarily, a young adult who is capable of living independently.

Why on earth aren't they doing their share?

Absolutely take the day off to do something you enjoy. Then, from Monday, make sure things change and he starts to pull his weight.

Can you pay someone to do the cleaning and ironing? You could consider it an ongoing Mother’s Day present to yourself since your DH isn’t thoughtful enough to bother on the day itself and I completely agree about not doing anything for him for Father’s Day.

Frankly, more fool you.

Stop being a martyr and piss off for the day.

I only live a 40 min train journey from London. Seriously contemplating going for the day on my own to watch a West End show. Never spent the day on my own like that before. Could I get a late ticket tomorrow at Leicester Square?

Gosh, I go to London on.my own about 4 times a year, just do it.

Also, talk to the useless DH. Stop doing roast fucking dinners, a sandwich or omelette is fine. Stop doing DH ironing. Stop doing DS food shop. Stop stop stop

Alternatively, watch Shirley Valentine then bugger off to Greece