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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be prematurely pissed off about Mothers day?

163 replies

SongforSal · 30/03/2019 18:27

We have 2 teen DC'S. The eldest came back from Uni a couple of days ago.

I work full time, I also do 100% of the cooking and the majority of the housework. DH will wash the dinner things up maybe 3 times a week at a push.

I am flat out fucking exhausted. I ensure the house is clean, everyone has nutritious meals. During work hours I liaise with the youngest school at least 3 times per week as he has special needs. I make meal plans each week for us, and also send a food shop to our eldest at Uni. I pay the bills, budget our money, sort all areas of finance.

Today I got up at 7.30 am (my biggest lay in in a long time!) after a particularly shocking and long day at work yesterday and cooked up a fanfare for my family and parents, and have been hosting all day. After giving my mother gifts as I wont see her tomorrow DH tells me he has not got me anything for tomorrow so don't be disappointed, nor has he arranged anything as he has been too busy with work and has been preoccupied with getting a new car. He then tells me 'Well you aren't my mother'.

I expect I will get a card of the DC's....Other than that, tomorrow will be spent with me ironing, making the youngest lunchbox for school. Cooking a roast dinner and washing up, washing, cleaning the bathroom and all the other shit work.

I'm not mad I haven't any gifts, but seriously! A bit of thought? It's not even like we are strapped for cash and that's a consideration. After tomorrows over and I have facilitated everyone I am back to work again for the week.

Would it be unreasonable to fuck of for the day tomorrow and leave them to it?

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 30/03/2019 18:40

Tomorrow is your day. Do what you want. I would, to make a point. I’d probably sulk a bit too.

user1493413286 · 30/03/2019 18:41

Are your children not old enough to get you gifts by themselves? Especially your university age one?
As for the rest of it I would change things asap; how on earth has it developed that way?

ukgift2016 · 30/03/2019 18:42

You sound like a slave.

NerrSnerr · 30/03/2019 18:44

Mothering Sunday. You have one day off, no one does anything that needs doing, so you end up with twice as much to try to sort out the following day / week.

Unless you live in a house where people do their fair share.

Original poster
SongforSal · 30/03/2019 18:45

I had a shit childhood at times, which is why I overcompensate for my eldest. My DM's first 2 children died, and she didn't really get close to me when I was born (we have a fabulous relationship now) but I guess I give the eldest everything I wish I had. That aside. I'm clearly having a little pity party and have made a rod for my own back.

OP posts:
Jamhandprints · 30/03/2019 18:46

Why on earth would you cook them a roast dinner? Tell them you are going out for a walk/ to a stately home/ costa/the beach/ the pub/ the cinema and they can join you if they want or look after themselves for the day. Give yourself a treat if they won't.

CheshireChat · 30/03/2019 18:47

You can always stop though. Or just do less realistically.

NerrSnerr · 30/03/2019 18:48

But why isn't your husband doing half the housework if you're both working full time?

Pa1oma · 30/03/2019 18:49

OP - JUST DON’T DO IT!!!

Sorry to shout, but really? I mean, I do all the cooking and laundry in this house too, but I don’t work and I have a cleaner Confused.

There is NO excuse for your DH not to book a restaurant tomorrow. No excuse whatsoever.

How many mums do you think will be cooking tomorrow? 0%

Just kick off now. Don’t wait until the morning and let resentment build up.

Go to them all right now and tell them what you said in the OP. Tell them that you expect gifts, flowers and lunch out tomorrow, plus breakfast in bed and if they can’t manage that on one day, to hell with them. You will take yourself out and will go on strike for the foreseeable future. And mean it.

You will only get treated like shit if you allow it. DO NOT ALLOW IT. Please!

I would have kicked off the first time this happened and they would never have forgotten it.

You can’t have this, you really can’t.,

Softpebbles · 30/03/2019 18:52

Book a table and go out for dinner at the very least. Leave your purse at home. I’ve booked to go out tomorrow because I didn’t want the hassle or the DCs worrying and it will be a nice treat for us all. 😊

Original poster
SongforSal · 30/03/2019 18:54

NerrSnerr He proclaims he gets home from work to late. I start an hour earlier than him, he gets home an hour after I do...I actually work more hours in that I work in banking and just have to work through the day and my lunch hour..I maybe eat a pack of crisps at my desk. If he does any housework, it is only because I have asked him to something.

OP posts:
sighrollseyes · 30/03/2019 18:56

Sometimes mum's make a rod for their own back. If you always do it people always expect it. Stop doing it all, or carry on doing it all but don't moan that no one ever helps.

ukgift2016 · 30/03/2019 18:57

Oh my. It gets worse..you work full time too.

I cannot believe the women who are made to work AND do all the housework etc. What a life.

Notastepparentbut · 30/03/2019 18:58

Just stop. Seriously.

Elllicam · 30/03/2019 19:00

I agree with just about everyone else, go and do something you want to do tomorrow and stop doing everything for everyone.

Ilovemypantry · 30/03/2019 19:00

Sorry to say this OP but you must have “mug” written on your forehead.
They are taking you for granted and you are letting them.
Take yourself out for the day tomorrow, maybe a spa and spend the whole day there. Do not do ANYTHING for your ungrateful family.

cuppycakey · 30/03/2019 19:01

You have a Dh problem.....

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 30/03/2019 19:03

Stop being a martyr! All of your actions are CHOICES. Make better ones.

Why oh why would you organise your university age child’s food shop? And many other things you list are ridiculous for you to be the only adult in the house doing.

Just stop doing them, book yourself a spa, go for lunch or catch up with a friend.

Be the change you want in your life. No one else is going to do it for you.

Ps. I know my comments are harsh but they are meant with the best possible outcome.

Anotherdayanothernight · 30/03/2019 19:03

Oh my, how do you cope? You deserve a great day tomorrow, and many more to come, your children, or your husband, aren't toddlers and it's not fair they take you for granted.

Rainyshowers · 30/03/2019 19:05

Why can't they all have Weetabix etc for breakfast? If you're tired then don't cook it. If your DH or kids want a big meal then they can cook it. Same for Sunday lunch. Sandwiches are fine. Then you go off and do something you enjoy or have a rest for a few hours. You need a break too and your older children and DH can step up. If they don't then that's fine. Weetabix for brekkie!

Grumpyoldblonde · 30/03/2019 19:05

Really, just don’t cook tomorrow, just don’t. Don’t iron for anyone capable of doing it themselves. Delegate.

ProperVexed · 30/03/2019 19:06

There are two days each year when I refuse to cook....my birthday and mother's' day. As a consequence I don't eat on these days either. Bastards.

NerrSnerr · 30/03/2019 19:06

Why do some women put up with men like this? Just say no. Is your husband happy to sit around on a Sunday while you run around like a blue arse fly?

Grumpyoldblonde · 30/03/2019 19:07

Also, you say you’re not strapped for cash, get a cleaner.

Wallsbangers · 30/03/2019 19:08

Stop carrying everyone.

Take yourself off and have a nice day tomorrow.

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