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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My boyfriend got me a gift that HE wanted for MY birthday- AIBU?

169 replies

Anonfornow1 · 28/03/2019 13:09

Hi all,

I just wanted to get an idea of whether IABU or would you feel a bit put out also in this situation?
Basically my boyfriend of 3 years got me a birthday gift..... He asked me what I wanted and all I said was 'something nice that we can do together' (now I know not to make that mistake again). He got me tickets to a concert of someone that he is very keen on and knows all his songs, has his albums etc etc (male acoustic solo type artist) Not my usual taste in music.

We have been to see this artist twice before (because he has been desperate to go and has paid for me to go with him)- fine! I've generally had a good time at these concerts because it's a night out, I'm with the person I love and I've known a few of the more popular tunes. Other than this I have no other interest and my boyfriend knows I'm not sitting there listening to him in my spare time.

He knows I love musicals and have been dying to see a couple for ages (which I have made well clear), so I suppose I was half hoping he would maybe surprise me with tickets to one of these or something that was a bit more 'me'. I almost feel a bit cheated out of a birthday present, knowing full well he would buy the tickets anyway had it not been around the time of my birthday (and I've already seen said artist twice already).

AIBU or is he being selfish? Should I bring this up with him or suck it up this time, and be more explicit in the future?

OP posts:
vincettenoir · 29/03/2019 17:49

YANBU to be a bit put out. But I am not above pulling this trick myself. I got DH tix to Hamilton for his last birthday when it was blatantly me who really wanted to go.

ALongHardWinter · 29/03/2019 18:04

(male acoustic solo type artist) OMG it's not Ed Sheeran is it?

Hicks123 · 29/03/2019 18:24

If my DH did this I would know he is not great at present buying and grasped at an idea he thought would be ok. He’s a kind and considerate man but a bit crap at present buying.

If my ex had done this I would have known it was because he didn’t understand what I liked or disliked and selfishly couldn’t be bothered to find out.
Only you know whether this was selfish or just a bit disappointing.

Kennehora · 29/03/2019 18:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Earthakitty · 29/03/2019 18:36

I could never be with a man who didnt spoil me on my birthday.
What are you even doing with him ?
This is a taste of things to come....just sack him.

XiCi · 29/03/2019 18:42

OMG it's not Ed Sheeran is it?

Being taken to an Ed sheeran gig three times would definitely be grounds for divorce by unreasonable behaviour. Maybe even punishable by long and torturous death Grin

Pegnes · 29/03/2019 18:58

Who is it you are going to see?

That is out of order if you only go because of him!

HamishsMomma · 29/03/2019 19:05

Reminds me when I asked for the BBC box set of Pride and Prejudice and was given the box set of the last three Star Wars Films! I liked those films but it was not what I wanted for my Christmas present. He didn't like P&P but wanted Star Wars!!

notacooldad · 29/03/2019 19:06

he has explicitly stated he doesn't like musicals, has no interest in them and wouldn't want to go and see one

No, what he means is that he will be happy to escort you to the musical of your choice for YOUR birthday and earn extra brownie points for going to something which doesn't interest him in order to make you happy ON YOUR BIRTHDAY.

I totally disagree. If someone doesn't like musicals ( or whatever) dont make them go with " because its your birthday "
It's just throwing money down the drain and making someone else unhappy and then puts you on edge because you know they are not enjoying it.
In this case the OP enjoyed the gig but if it was a genre or an artist she could stand I'd expect her to turn it down.
Go to a musical with a friend.

toffeeghirlinatwirl · 29/03/2019 19:37

Xmas present, not birthday, xp bought me this awful hedgehog garden ornament with real bristles to wipe your muddy boots on. If that wasn’t bad enough, we lived in a terraced house with a concreted back yard. I just sat in disbelief as he said, “well all the shops were shutting early because it was xmas eve and only Homebase were open”.
I’d not long had dc3 and had still managed to buy presents for both sides of the family, the DC and his beautiful engraved watch. He had just this one thing....
Hence, he’s Xp.

Adelebo · 29/03/2019 19:37

Oh dear its the thought that counts and he obviously thinks you now like these concerts annnd its something you would both enjoy together
men are simple practical creatures who need uncomplicated hints ...like a leaflet showing the musical you like shoved in front of him 🤔
I dont think was being selfish at all at least you didnt get a jack set for your car or a cordless drill ..a couple of my thoughtful gifts gathering dust 🙄

cstaff · 29/03/2019 20:17

My dad bought my mam a hoover once for her birthday. Lets just say he never did anything like that again. Grin

PotsOfJoy · 29/03/2019 20:36

I'd hate to see Ed Sheeran too, Jesus Christ 🤦‍♂️

problembottom · 29/03/2019 20:39

Totally selfish. DP once bought me tickets for Michael Buble (don’t judge) and came with me to see him. He can’t stand Michael Buble!

Cherrysoup · 29/03/2019 20:44

You missed the perfect opportunity to tell him what you’re telling us. You don’t like the artist particularly, but you do like doing something different with him in the evening. I think you should tell him again and ask that he consults you next time. IMO, he’s being horribly selfish and knows deep down that you aren’t a fan.

Pegnes · 29/03/2019 20:54

Oh gosh i hope it’s not Ed 😂😂

Is the gig on your actual birthday? Coz if it is he’s clearly got the tickets so he doesn’t miss the gig by taking you out for your birthday 😂😂

MulticolourMophead · 29/03/2019 21:10

men are simple practical creatures who need uncomplicated hints

Oh, purlease! Stop with the stereotyping, there are plenty of decent men out there who are able to think about their partners and choose appropriate, thoughtful gifts (not my ex, though).

violet01 · 29/03/2019 21:12
Biscuit
MumUnderTheMoon · 29/03/2019 21:13

It isn't unreasonable for you to be annoyed at him buying those tickets for your birthday. However you should have just asked him to get you musical tickets when he asked what you wanted. It is unreasonable to expect him to guess what you want and get it spot on when you have been vague.

Lindy2 · 29/03/2019 21:15

If you wanted specific tickets you need to say you want specific tickets.
In your BF's mind the tickets he got are something fun to do together, which is exactly what you asked for.
Don't make the same mistake again. It might mean you don't get surprise presents but it will hopefully mean you like your present more.

MrsEricBana · 29/03/2019 21:20

My money's on Tom Odell...

MadameAnchou · 29/03/2019 21:26

I can't work out if he is genuinely oblivious or if he knows the deal and doesn't want to admit he's been a selfish arse.

He knows.

But your first mistake was going along with it in the first place and not being honest: 'I don't really care for X/concerts, you go along with a mate.'

Now, however, I'd sell the tickets. Yes, I really would and then go and do something on my own or with a mate none of this 'night out with the one I love'.

Just flog them and tell him, 'It's a gift. And it was more for you than me. X is alright but I have no desire to go to every concert of his so I'm off to do Y instead.'

Weenurse · 29/03/2019 21:52

Husband stated he was going to buy me an iron for my birthday.
I reminded him his birthday came first so I would buy the iron for him. Cue surprised owl face on him.
He Never suggested household appliances again as a birthday gift.

spanishwife · 29/03/2019 21:53

It's Hozier

Skittlesandbeer · 29/03/2019 21:54

Sounds like you’re too uncomfortable (and people-pleasing?) to take a hard line with this.

In which case, why don’t you just raise the topic again and ask him to properly review his motives for buying the tix. Either his own interests were foremost, or making you happy on your birthday was the primary motivation. Ask him how he would feel about you going to the concert with someone else, and point out that that sinking feeling he has is a bad sign. Sign that he, and the relationship are both heading for trouble.

Don’t let this chance for retraining pass you by. Whether he’s selfish or just a dill, the discomfort of the 3rd (and 4th) conversations about it will certainly cause him to think more carefully about your presents into the future.

Personally I’d wave him off to concerts that didn’t interest me, and not expect him to come to my stuff either. And ask for what I want for birthdays. Either something just for me, or tix to something we’d enjoy equally (if togetherness were my goal). ‘Doing nice things for each other’ is bringing a cup of tea in my relationship, not gritting our teeth sitting through performances we’d rather not be at.