Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can we please discuss 'moving out of the way' for men?

244 replies

VladmirsPoutine · 28/03/2019 11:29

I've frankly had it and have made it my mission to never move out of the way and just sort of pull my whole-self in a forward position so that it's either we're going to clash or he'll side-step out of my way.

Can I ask all you women to do the same?

I was always somehow subconsciously moving - but fuck it. The pavement is as much my right.

Gahh! Just walked back to work and a man whom I did not move out of the way for motioned me to the left but I walked straight through and thought fuck it. He then turned back to call me a bitch.

Hope everyone else is having a lovely Thursday morning!

OP posts:
thedisorganisedmum · 28/03/2019 16:05

sounds like some women are ready to be offended if a man holds a door and gives up his seat, but equally infuriated if they are not given right of way on the pavement.

It's getting too complicated. I seem to have met rude people in equal number in both genders! Confused

thedisorganisedmum · 28/03/2019 16:07

I do like Aestkjbatwr better Grin

RedForShort · 28/03/2019 16:09

"to all those women who say it doesn't happen where they live, it's worth looking at it more carefully."

After reading many threads on this I have looked more carefully. It more a both shift to the side a bit thing.

Maybe it's cultural. I'm not in Britain (and the situation I described about was).

stayathomer · 28/03/2019 16:09

Must do a survey to find out where all these people live, around here most people nod and say hello( in Ireland). The people who don't are a mixture of both male and female. Tbh the other person will now no doubt be think ikng why don't you move. What a horrible idea, post and thread, and the people who laugh and say it's fun- why don't you go get some sort of a hobby or something or just read back over your comment and try to figure out when you got so embittered?

LondonHuffyPuffy · 28/03/2019 16:09

Heh. It sounds like a place in a Terry Pratchett novel 😂

Ruby789 · 28/03/2019 16:10

It hasn't happened to me, I haven't witnessed this happening to others, and this is the first I've ever heard of it as a thing.

I work in a nice area, live in a bad one, and do public transport. I went out at lunch looking to observe this and failed. I don't wear headphones as I love watching people and hearing what's going on around me. I'm simply surprised that it has completely passed me by.

yiskasha · 28/03/2019 16:11

I do this as I realised men expected me to automatically move out the way. I always make a point to make eye contact with them when I do it.

LondonHuffyPuffy · 28/03/2019 16:13

I’m not embittered stayathomer. It is just something I observed whilst walking in London. I didn’t even know someone had given it a name until I read the New Statesman article recently.

I swear I am going to get a small go pro and film a walk from Westminster to London Bridge via the South Bank.

HarrysOwl · 28/03/2019 16:17

IME everyone makes micro adjustments to avoid each other, the notable exception being women with buggies who are just bloody rude and tend to try and mow you down

Thiiiiiis. Yes.

Liverpool52 · 28/03/2019 16:19

My experience is it isn't just men it's a general lack of people having mutual respect for each other. I've actually found women worse for it - walking alongside each other pushing prams and refusing to drop into single file for someone coming in the opposite direction. Or when I've been out running just after school drop off time - standing in a group on the pavement having a chat. I said "excuse me please" loudly and some time before I got to them. They stopped their conversation, looked at me and then just carried on chatting blocking the whole pavement.

Amazonfromkent · 28/03/2019 16:24

I've worked in London for almost 20 years. I experimented various approaches to this but found that in the end it's easier to deviate, keep walking and not be angry/aggravated/annoyed for the rest of the day over this. It's not worth my time.

Keener · 28/03/2019 16:42

My experience is it isn't just men it's a general lack of people having mutual respect for each other. I've actually found women worse for it - walking alongside each other pushing prams and refusing to drop into single file for someone coming in the opposite direction. Or when I've been out running just after school drop off time - standing in a group on the pavement having a chat. I said "excuse me please" loudly and some time before I got to them. They stopped their conversation, looked at me and then just carried on chatting blocking the whole pavement

Groups are different, though there's a whole self-absorbed group psychology many vs one thing going on. But it's very seldom that a lone woman will come barrelling towards you and refuse to deviate from her self-appointed path the way a solo man often does as a pp said, in general, two women approaching on the same trajectory will half-consciously register one another's approach and both deviate slightly. And, even if there is a dance or bump, I think the only times I've had a rude remark from a woman has been from someone who was evidently drunk or someone with MH issues, whereas it's quite usual for a man to whom you haven't ceded the path to be verbally abusive.

As I said up the thread, my tiny, six-stone office mate didn't get out of the way of a man walking through a park on her way to work today, and he called her a 'flat-chested frigid cunt'.

LettuceP · 28/03/2019 16:52

Since hearing about this I have tried to observe it but I haven't seen it.

Once I was trying to make my way through a cramped shop with a pushchair and there was two middle aged women stood talking and one of them looked at me and then put her foot out in front of the pushchair really quickly so I didn't have time to stop. Obviously I ran over her foot and she had a go at me 🤔

randomchap · 28/03/2019 17:01

I find it simpler just to move out of the way of people who I might be on a collision course with. My mum taught me this, and I'm teaching my DC. The reason being is that you have no idea whether the person coming towards you has some kind of issue where they find walking or changing direction difficult. I end up doing the which way dance with both men and women on an almost daily basis.

Not stepping aside for they type of dickhead who is not going to step aside for you is not going to make them reconsider their approach to life.

MountPheasant · 28/03/2019 17:07

100% on board with you OP, I do this too. why should I move?? Have always held my ground on this and have hit my fair share of shoulders. I too am tallish (5'9) and I think it helps.

My pet peeve is when two men walk next to each other and don't think to move to single file.

Ruby789 · 28/03/2019 17:13

My pet peeve is when two men walk next to each other and don't think to move to single file.

But women do this too. I really don't think this is a gender issue, I think it's a rude people issue.

PreseaCombatir · 28/03/2019 17:15

So, you deliberately set yourself on a collision course with a random stranger and then get annoyed when...erm...you bump into each other

You even managed to squeeze in some additional menace to the scenario with reference to Phil Mitchell, top work

Well, I kind of more stood still than set myself up on a collision course...., but sure

Original poster
VladmirsPoutine · 28/03/2019 17:20

But women do this too. I really don't think this is a gender issue, I think it's a rude people issue.

Oh FFS! Women are and can be awful. I have 3 sisters and work with many women and have many women as friends - yes we can be awful at times even despicable. BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT.

OP posts:
DownStreet · 28/03/2019 17:31

IME everyone makes micro adjustments to avoid each other, the notable exception being women with buggies who are just bloody rude and tend to try and mow you down

Obviously any twat can become a twat with a buggy... but it’s far better that the person with a larger wheeled object just goes in a straight line rather than wheeling it all over the pavement. If someone pushing a buggy, wheelbarrow, suitcase etc weaves in and out it’s really hard to judge where to walk, or overtake.

thedisorganisedmum · 28/03/2019 17:33

BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT.

well, yes, it is exactly the point Grin

you don't mean that you want to play chicken with rude men, but not with rude women?

Girlofgold · 28/03/2019 17:54

Lol. Patriarchy chicken. I've been playing this for years with no name for it. Helps I'm tall. Normally young guys though.

Original poster
VladmirsPoutine · 28/03/2019 18:00

you don't mean that you want to play chicken with rude men, but not with rude women?

The premise of this thread isn't about rude women and I'm not absolving all women from being at times wholly awful human beings.

Read the title of the thread.

OP posts:
thedisorganisedmum · 28/03/2019 18:09

VladmirsPoutine
I have read the title, and if you had read the reply, you would understand that you seem very unlucky in your encounters as many of us have completely different experiences. It's odd you feel so targeted by men.

sagradafamiliar · 28/03/2019 18:22

I think the men who do this are the same ones who will 'guide' you out of the way on nights out when they want to get to the bar 😡

scoobyloobyloo · 28/03/2019 19:41

@M4J4

I'm not a man.

And I stand totally by my assertion that coming onto Mumsnet to propose that we all go out looking for men to bump into in order to 'smash the patriarchy' is a bad way to promote Feminism.

Feminism is not about being anti men. "Patriarchal Chicken' makes us look like men haters.

Swipe left for the next trending thread