To be surprised this woman got so cross with my three yr old

[JuniperGinYay]

DD is recently 3, but has good clear speech. She’s small and could be presumed to be 2.

Like many toddlers she’s a bit absolute. We cycled past a woman on a horse in the road, later we saw the same woman at a out door forest cafe.

Dd was sitting with Dd 6 and the woman lent on the next table while her friend saw to the horse, I was getting drinks and in clear sight but not ear shot. Apparently dd3 said ‘horses go in farms, not on the road’ then when the woman disagreed she said ‘yes! Roads are for cars! You scare horse in road!’. Personally I would have just either smiled and wandered off or explained my horse wasn’t scared on the road and was used to it. Instead the woman stomped over and gave me a tirade about what I taught my daughter, her attitude and how I was a ‘presumptuous car driver ‘. Dd was still smiling, now chatting about unicorns and horses to her sister in the same smiley way. I was initially very polite, explained she didn’t actually mean to criticise and just chats away. She’d probably just only seen horses off road or in farm pictures and was basing it on that, not family disapproval of horse riding. I also pointed out we were on bikes. I smiled and all that and tried to be friendly and tone it down, but then she retorted i had no idea how to raise polite children so I also raised my voice and told her to just stay away from the children if she had issue.

I’m still stewing on it today. Bizarre? If she dislikes small children why she even stood so close to a little one (tables scattered out doors in forest area, plenty of space) I don’t know.

I’ll admit I didn’t really say anything to her after, I was irate from the spit splash (really grossed me out, a pet hate is spittle while shouting too close, I struggle to be calm with this). Some reflection I’ve done in my parenting, I used to go in WAY too hard on my kids through my own embarrassment and was unfair at times on reflection. I’ve consciously stopped having words when angry, then I talk when calm. I forgot this time tbh. Also, it was meaningless, she’d forget in two seconds probably. She’s just not really there yet. It was just similar to her usual ‘birds fly! Birds eat berries in trees!’ Kind of prattle. Just chatter that came together to sound more meant than it was.

Ellyess - not my DD but a friend's DS - they were at a house of a colleague of her DH, again like your friend who had no children. The DS who was 3, was a bit naughty and tired after a while and snapped back at his DF who was trying to help him get something, I think it was something in his buggy which he occasionally used if he was tired. The DF told him not to snap at him and the DS said 'don't beat me! don't beat me!' - which has never ever happened to him! Cue - shocked looks all around until both parents had to explain. Parents laughed about it with me afterwards.

Also, her tone was happy. More she expected the adult to be impressed she knew about horses, than awareness of questioning. She just probably thought she was clever knowing something, I could see her beaming at the woman and I presuming she had just said hi or something. If left her in the middle of about six empty eel spaces outdoor tables so I guess I presumed the woman had approached her to say hi or something herself

OP - she's probably forgotten about it now - honestly I wouldn't bother scolding her now, the moment has passed.

Kids of that age (even my DD now) engage in inane prattle sometimes and you can't say anything to them... it's just part of their age etc. My DD has been 'rude' or doesn't think sometimes (thinking about things like saying thank you for presents etc) but I pull her up on it gently at the time etc. I'm sure the adult in question afterwards forgot about it.

My eldest has grown into a lovely studious young man, but at a similar age I remember him hearing the f-word and singing it for two weeks at inopportune moments. So she’s still got hope left...

Perfectly logical thinking for a 3 year old, especially if she’d never noticed horses in roads before. we don’t get a lot of horses where I live and i remember being on holiday in the countryside she said “mummy why is that horse in the road”. Nothing to do with me as I have no strong feelings either way. Was just different to what she is used to - roads are for cars, the path is for people. My 3yo DD is actually very bright and observant and often says things like this - she’s not being “cheeky” or “rude” shes just saying what she sees and trying to understand the world.
Sounds like the woman is projecting a bit, of just ignore and move on

Pah! What several PP have said, YANBU and she was weird. My DS (also 3) has recently started saying "ugh, disGUSting" often when we see a dog, and that's definitely not something he's parroting from us. Who knows why he thinks it. He also says "someone's following us" if someone happens to be walking behind. Luckily a couple of poor dog owners who've been in ear shot to the "disgusting" statements have laughed it off. I always say no DS that dog is lovely, dogs aren't disgusting. What more can you do.

The mind of a three year old eh.

She obviously doesn't have much experience of children and jumped to a the wrong conclusion. The final bluster where she criticised your parenting skills was just because you'd pointed out how ridiculous her behaviour was and she was really embarrassed.

I think it’s not good to come up to you in front of your child being aggressive. So what if your child was mimicking you, no need to start a fight!

I can understand why she went off. It's been many years since I road a horse in England but I remember how drivers would come right up behind my horse and honk at him for fun. Bless his heart, he tried to kick a few of the fuckers and missed every time. I also had people shouting at me he didn't belong on the road because I didn't pay 'fucking' road tax for him.

We didn't ride on the road for fun either, we were getting form A to B and use the grass verges as much as possible. 45 years later and I still get pissed off by the abuse.

A three year old would have no understanding that some horses are scared of traffic - that came from you!

Honestly. Mumsnet is hilarious. A three yr old couldn't come up with that (erm, yes they could... Sounds very toddlerish use of logic). She is just parroting you (ha?!?), because clearly you have it in for.... Well... For horses? Riders? Well anyway who knows. But you are a bad parent and are raising a horsist brat. Have you not reprimanded her for this?!?

This thread is hilarious! Just waiting for the horse owner to start her own thread - AIBU to be pissed off with this 3 year old kid who told me my horse doesn't belong on the road? Was I right to give her mother a pasting as she clearly has no idea of how to control what her child says to other people?

😂😂 it's a 3 year old ffs! Some people just love to be mortally offended by everyone and everything

I didn’t know horses were scared of traffic... if they actually are then I’d actually question taking them on the road @Gone4Good

The very few I’ve seen haven’t reacted to cars in anyway I’ve noticed. They looked bloody huge and unbothered. I’ve never sat on a horse in my life, but if they are scared I wouldn’t take an animal out to be routinely scared just as I wouldn’t hose the cat or something. I mean obviously you could frighten them by revving or beeping and causing a shock, but I thought from seeing them it wasn’t actually a concern majorly? I’ve seen funeral horses on city centre dual carriageway as calm as anything

Sounds like my old neighbour growing up, humourless cow. Always stopped rollerblading when I saw her and her nag, still got told I shouldn’t be doing it in the road cos of the horses. She also used to mither the local politicians about quad and dirt bikes using trails they were just as entitled to as her.

@BeardyButton is it bad to take away from this thread a slight bit of pride my three yr old can think and not only parrot. Maybe she’s my intellectual star and I thought it was just prattle 😉

(Or in the real world is she not a genius and quite normal)

Traffic? Some of them lose it if a carrier bag blows at them. And then you get the ones who set off on a busy road in rush hour while a mile long trail of cars piles up behind.

It's normal for three year olds to blurt things out. They have no filter at that age and see things in black and white. My daughter at that age said "that woman's got ugly hair" at the top of her voice. Thankfully the woman just laughed and I apologised.

Also, dont justify your parenting to these crazies. Or even your rebuffing of this other crazy. Mumsnet is full of people who believe that children, from a very very young age should comport themselves as to not inconvience any adults, especially not them. Any failure to do this, on the part of the child, is quickly attributed to the parent. Then the parent is told in (usually) very rude terms that it is their responsibility to not raise a rude child. O the irony! Its ok for a full grown adult to insult a parent, and even the brat of a child. But a child.... Confused about how a horse happens to be on a road?!? That behaviour is unacceptable. And then theres the threads (eg stately homes) on grown children reflecting on their terrible childhoods.....

I’m really surprised at the posters who think that a three-year-old wouldn’t say that. Three-year-olds say all kinds of batshit stuff because they’re THREE - the influence of Peppa, nursery, random people on the bus, conversations overhead in supermarkets, books you thought they weren’t even listening to and the chatter of a hundred voices on the school run can’t be overestimated.

Juniper... I think that is a great takeaway. You can also takeaway that you have cheered me up no end. Honestly! I ve been laughing away to myself. Great start to a friday night.

It’s bizarre to get that offended by a 3 year old. I think some people are a bit precious about their horses. Generally, if you’re horse riding on a main road then you will come across arsehole drivers- but is it really worth raising an argument with a random woman in a cafe about her 3 year old’s opinions about this?

Err no...

I can imagine that she was very stressed and had probably had her horse spooked by a complete arse in a cock extension revving his engine and screamed as he went past 'Roads are for Cars!' like a pillock of an ex did once

I ended up completely unintentionally taking a car wing mirror off with a steel toecapped boot because a driver was so determined it was his road that he charged through a lane that wasn't made for cars - it was made for horses around two thousand years ago. Had it not been for my boot getting in the way, I'm pretty sure he would have had it bashing against my horse's ribs (with inevitably unpleasant consequences). He stopped then. And even turned his stereo off so I could hear what he thought about it.

However, I was slightly more concerned about my 6 year old daughter and her pony at the time, as he'd forced his way between them and me, having seemingly not noticed the rider up front in her hi-vis jacket in the 500 yards' clear view he'd have had on approach. We had stopped, he continued. He then had to continue to a car repair shop, presumably. Thankfully, my DD's pony was stopped and calmed down by the front rider. But DD refused to ever get on a horse again after that - she was just too scared of car drivers.

Had anybody said the same bollocks straight afterwards, I'd have reacted more strongly than I would ordinarily. In fairness, the way I would speak to a three year old is completely different - 'Horses go on roads too, that's why cars have to be careful' - but an adult who I thought had quite likely been yelling that shit out of the window at somebody like me/my child often enough for a toddler to pick it up? I'd have ripped the adult's head off at that point.

@BeardyButton I am stuck watching my middle one in karate, straight after his brother. I am bored and quite happy to be entertained answering odd answers. It’s cheering me up at this point now... I’ve gone past wondering (though I’m now actually for the first time wondering if they are scared of traffic why are they on roads for the first time ever 😂)

My three year old comes out with stuff like this too. He isn't being cheeky. I love horses and have helped out with them previously including riding them on the road.its not come from us as parents he is just working out the world.

While I can empathise with some stories, it’s so far out my world. I lived abroad as a child then on an inner city estate. I saw police horses only, and the odd farm, I just don’t have opinions on horse riding in general.