To be surprised this woman got so cross with my three yr old

[JuniperGinYay]

DD is recently 3, but has good clear speech. She’s small and could be presumed to be 2.

Like many toddlers she’s a bit absolute. We cycled past a woman on a horse in the road, later we saw the same woman at a out door forest cafe.

Dd was sitting with Dd 6 and the woman lent on the next table while her friend saw to the horse, I was getting drinks and in clear sight but not ear shot. Apparently dd3 said ‘horses go in farms, not on the road’ then when the woman disagreed she said ‘yes! Roads are for cars! You scare horse in road!’. Personally I would have just either smiled and wandered off or explained my horse wasn’t scared on the road and was used to it. Instead the woman stomped over and gave me a tirade about what I taught my daughter, her attitude and how I was a ‘presumptuous car driver ‘. Dd was still smiling, now chatting about unicorns and horses to her sister in the same smiley way. I was initially very polite, explained she didn’t actually mean to criticise and just chats away. She’d probably just only seen horses off road or in farm pictures and was basing it on that, not family disapproval of horse riding. I also pointed out we were on bikes. I smiled and all that and tried to be friendly and tone it down, but then she retorted i had no idea how to raise polite children so I also raised my voice and told her to just stay away from the children if she had issue.

I’m still stewing on it today. Bizarre? If she dislikes small children why she even stood so close to a little one (tables scattered out doors in forest area, plenty of space) I don’t know.

Ah, but you mentioned people riding horses on the road AND a stranger being “cross with” a very young child. Unbeknownst to you, it’s a bit like AIBU frothy bingo I’m afraid .

In ten years of on/ off mumsnet I’ve clearly never clicked a horse related thread...

Really? I’ve seen loads and I’ve only been here for five years. Also road cyclist threads. Anything where drivers might be inconvenienced in some way makes a lot of people on both sides.

I’m sure you know about parking threads too...? Preferably with a diagram .

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2910987-Horses-on-the-roads-AIBU-to-think-its-just-not-safe-anymore-who-is-at-fault

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3123202-AIBU-Horse-riders-pick-up-poo

Just from a very quick google.

Obviously, the second one is about a bridle path I think, but you get the idea. on both sides. It’s actually quite a contentious issue, which is why some (cynical, jaded) posters, like me, instantly half wonder if it’s real when an especially dramatic horse thread comes up... “horrible, phlegmy shouting and spitting, tirade, stomping” all at a 3yo. You see how people could jump to the wrong conclusion .

Ah, but you mentioned people riding horses on the road AND a stranger being “cross with” a very young child. Unbeknownst to you, it’s a bit like AIBU frothy bingo I’m afraid grin.

Yeah, that's pretty much it in a nutshell! Facebook is usually good for this kind of thing too. Show me a shared post about horses on the road from any perspective and I'll guarantee that a scrap will break out along the lines of

'Horses should be in fields not on roads'
'Horses were here before Cara's
'All horse riders are posh snobs anyway'
'All drivers are idiots'
And round and round it goes..... 😁

Yes brilliantidiot; the “it’s only for posh people” element just adds to the I think. And is so inaccurate.

39 years owning a diy livery yard. Yanbu.

One of these days I shall write a book about it all.

I’ve probably just never clicked on one, as it’s not an area of interest/ experience. (TBf though in cities the ‘posh people’ stereotype comes from the fact you don’t exactly see them roaming round estates, and it’s a huge financial layout to stable or buy one or pay for lessons. It may be different elsewhere?)

It’s a shame that impatient people have to spoil a hobby that people have enjoyed for years over what, waiting a minute to pass carefully confused

Completely agree

“Horses belong in farms” - 3 year old reasoning
“Cars scare horses” - overheard from adults

When my son was 3, he was adamant that cauliflower was "white broccoli". We didn't care what he called it, as long as he ate it! When my daughter was around that age, she was adamant that a pig farm was "a field of bacon", and couldn't be shifted from that notion at all...

As others have said, at that age, they get weird notions in their head, they form half-baked opinions of their own, which could be gleaned from their family members talking above their heads thinking they won't understand or from something they've seen on TV... and yes; I can see a precocious toddler thinking that horses belong in fields, like sheep and cows, rather than on roads. But... as her parent, OP, it's up to you to educate her about how responsible drivers have to be around horses on the roads. After all, they have more right of way than cars and bikes do, according to the law. Maybe take this as an opportunity to do precisely that so that, in years to come, she knows how to be responsible and safe if she meets a horse and its rider upon a road.

My father used to ride horses for a living; on roads, on our local MOD heathland, and bridlepaths (very rarely). He spent a vast portion of his working life sat on horseback seeing Army children across main roads when their lollipop man/lady wasn't able to be there - and he did his utmost, as did his fellow soldiers, to educate the children in a responsible manner about horses. By the time those children left their primary school, they'd gone from "horsey!!!" to "oh, yeah; the man on the horse says I can cross the road..."

So whilst the horse rider was unreasonable to have been irritated by your precocious child's outpourings of thought... she wasn't unreasonable to have essentially told you to educate your own child properly. I mean, goodness, what will your child do should she enter the countryside and see a flock of sheep in the road being moved from one field to another?!

My mother sold her mare and colt when i was small. They got out of new owner's paddock. Both were injured badly enough they were put down.

Recently, two horses were hit at a nearby intersection. Also put down.

Roads and horses don't mix.

I hate bicycles bc i live on terrifying twisting roads and I worry that I will be forced to choose them or a head on collision with another car.

Your dd were having a private conversation. Children deserve respect. I would have told her to mind her own business whether i agreed with her or not.

It is possible to not find all 3 year olds fascinating and amusing particularly if you've had a bad day!

(1) It's not necessary to find them fascinating or amusing. Just to realise they are three.

(2) It's necessary to behave like an adult once you get to a certain age. This involves not taking the conversational gambits of three year old children personally.

To sum up - observing conventions of social interactions should be easier for an adult than for a three year old. When an adult gets so angry that she is spitting flecks of saliva in someone's face as she makes her point, it's time to step back and stop blaming 'a bad day', or whatever, when actually what happened is that she felt completely entitled to go apeshit, and did so.

I'm not sure why people think she's parroting an adult...especially if she's never seen a horse in the road before.
In her preschooler mind its probably
Cars - road
Horse - field

(I don't even drive and have no opinions about horses and roads)

Horses and roads mix fine. Bad drivers and roads don't mix.

No they don’t but neither do novice riders and roads. More care should be taken by everyone.

If you are sitting on a horse, wearing hi viz and quietly walking or trotting along a road on the left hand side then I'm not sure what else drivers expect. If they can't overtake for a few minutes due to bends or narrow lanes then it's 110% tough.

No problem from me with horses on roads but I’ve had a youngster losing control and shooting out into the middle of both lanes and had to be brought back by an older rider.
Not an issue, I was in no hurry, happy to wait while they sorted themselves out. But you’re right, there are some awful drivers and that sort of situation could end up very nasty indeed, with the rider and horse suffering most.
Youngsters need to be kept off of roads (especially high hedged, winding lanes) until they’re fully competent, no amount of high viz will help them control their animal.

The 110% comment sounds as entitled as bad drivers, tbh. That sort of aggressive attitude is unnecessary from anyone.

It's not aggressive. I'm not sure what else a rider is supposed to do. Drivers might have to wait. That's the truth of it.

Well, the “110% tough” bit kind of is
But hey, the suns shining, enjoy your horse.

@Fazackerley I guess horses are your thing, maths is more my thing. We’re all different...

Having never driven on a narrow lane and met a horse I’m ambivalent about the issue.

I’m a driver and I don’t recall ever having ridden a horse on a road, but I think fazackerly is exactly right. It is tough luck if a horse is on the road and you have to wait a few minutes to overtake. I’m pretty sure that’s the law as well. How weird that anyone would find that aggressive or entitled .

You have to pass wide and slow around vulnerable road users. That includes horse riders, walkers and cyclists. It is not entitled to expect a car driver to wait until it is safe to do so, it is the law, put in place to keep people alive and healthy while exercising their right to use a road. Roads are not just for cars. Some drivers really need to have this fact tattooed on their face so it sinks in - there might be fewer accidents. I saw a horrible accident last summer, when a driver over took a bunch of cyclists on a corner, on a narrow country road. He didn't have enough room when another car in the other lane came around the bend, swerved into the group, hit two of them and just drove off. Vulnerable road users are NOT the problem, the problem is the entitled drivers in charge of a deadly weapon that get angry if they have to wait a few seconds to overtake safely. And they come from all classes! BTW, there are many parts of the country where you do not have to be rich and/or upper class to ride and own a horse, not everywhere is as expensive as the south of England!

“How weird that anyone would find that aggressive or entitled confused.”

You don’t find the “110% tough” comment unnecessarily aggressive, Lavinia, a sort of metaphorical two fingers?
I find that weird.
No problem with competent riders on roads, no problem with waiting to pass wide when it’s safe. Big problem with novices who can’t control their animals.