To be surprised this woman got so cross with my three yr old

[JuniperGinYay]

DD is recently 3, but has good clear speech. She’s small and could be presumed to be 2.

Like many toddlers she’s a bit absolute. We cycled past a woman on a horse in the road, later we saw the same woman at a out door forest cafe.

Dd was sitting with Dd 6 and the woman lent on the next table while her friend saw to the horse, I was getting drinks and in clear sight but not ear shot. Apparently dd3 said ‘horses go in farms, not on the road’ then when the woman disagreed she said ‘yes! Roads are for cars! You scare horse in road!’. Personally I would have just either smiled and wandered off or explained my horse wasn’t scared on the road and was used to it. Instead the woman stomped over and gave me a tirade about what I taught my daughter, her attitude and how I was a ‘presumptuous car driver ‘. Dd was still smiling, now chatting about unicorns and horses to her sister in the same smiley way. I was initially very polite, explained she didn’t actually mean to criticise and just chats away. She’d probably just only seen horses off road or in farm pictures and was basing it on that, not family disapproval of horse riding. I also pointed out we were on bikes. I smiled and all that and tried to be friendly and tone it down, but then she retorted i had no idea how to raise polite children so I also raised my voice and told her to just stay away from the children if she had issue.

I’m still stewing on it today. Bizarre? If she dislikes small children why she even stood so close to a little one (tables scattered out doors in forest area, plenty of space) I don’t know.

Stupid woman, getting angry with a 3 year old for expressing an opinion. Kids are allowed to speak. Ignore the nasty old bat.

It’s not really about horses/cars etc but the fact that your DD started up a conversation with.a stranger. You were nearby but not right there. Whatever happened to ‘don’t talk to strangers’. That would have irritated me especially as it could be thought of as a challenging thing to say to a rider.

@Myoldtable should children be seen and not heard?! My 3 year old says hi with a smile to most people we pass on the street, I'm not going to crush her spirit!

@2rachtint neither am I, you need to take it with a pinch of salt in here. My three old generally just smiles, talking is quite rare with new people and there’s been very few occasions where she’s managed a string of words with unknown people. It was just unfortunate her logic led her to saying something others perceive as challenging, when it was superficial chit-chat. It’s massively unlikely to ever happen again that’s she hits on something so coherent. She’s too young anyway to consistently abuse by any rules set down, kids her age are impulsive and poor at regulating. She’ll mature in time as did my others.

Whilst the lady was over the top, it does sound very rude and I doubt a 3 year old would come up with that alone, sounds like she's heard that from someone! They are parrots at that age!

@krustykittens I’m sorry if I offended you, you sound lovely and I’m guessing you give welcoming smilies that are an indicator you are easy to talk to and enjoy interaction. This does though seem to be an issue that’s wider than one rider. We see cyclists there and my youngest has said all sorts of nonsense there over the years and just been mainly laughed at, it’s a relaxed atmosphere. Others ignore freely. I’m sure if I saw you we’d end up talking, but I think in future if I saw a straight faced horse rider approach the table where Dd is sitting it would be prudent to go and quickly remove her!

I wouldn't have involv3d the parents but I would have told her she was wrong and why.

I think also, looking at this thread, the cyclists are well over 90% male and seem to have less fixed ideas about small child behaviour. Horse riders I’ve seen here are in the majority female. Maybe it’s more a male/ female thing than horse riders? What women perceive as rude men seem to brush off. I’ve maybe got used to that? She once asked a cyclist if his bike had poo wheels for example (they did, he’d just hit a cow pat) and he laughed and said she had a poo head, I can imagine that with a female would realistically have a far higher chance of leading to offence.

I'm a rider. I'd have used it as a teaching moment. And been extra loud about it if I really thought she was just parroting what her parents had said (loud and friendly).

But toddlers just say things. Isn't that normal?

The lady was being silly. It’s a child for gods sake. And my 4 year old would absolutely only ever say a horse comes from a farm - we live in London so she’s never seen a horse on the road. Ignore the lady OP.

Maybe it’s more a male/ female thing than horse riders?

I think you just met a rude woman who rides a horse. Horse riders are stereotyped, and it really annoys me when it's aimed at me because I'm so far removed from that stereotype it's laughable!
But, as with any area of society, there's rude people as a part of that. And as generally people don't understand horses, they don't understand a riders motivation behind some things. And therefore many are written off as rude when in fact they're not.
An example would be riders asking drivers to stop, on a country lane. Now I've done this hundreds of times, and probably 80% has been simply because I can see over the hedge and there's a car coming the other way. I can't warn them but I can warn the driver behind me, and I'm going to trot on to a pull in and then they can all get through safely, I don't have hazards, I can't flash my lights. But the amount of times I get told to 'fuck off you posh bitch, who do you think you are' is ridiculous.
So someone has written me off as rude when I'm not being so - the opposite really. So yes, you can get a bit defensive when you're talking about horses on the road, but this woman was just being ridiculous, she's a child, who's 3. They say all sorts of crap. I'd have likely just said 'Oh no, she's not scared, don't worry' and offered a pat of the horse (with permission) or similar. If you had said it, I'd have probably asked why you think that, rather than launch into a tirade at you. This woman wasn't doing horse riders a favour at all. She's probably someone with a short fuse, who doesn't understand children. They're everywhere. This one happens to have a horse.

I'd think she wasn't enormously clever if she thought horses lived on farms.

I can't stand know-it-all little kids!!! They obviously get it from somewhere (their parents).

Actually having reread the OP I see that the horse rider disagreed and your dd still went off on one. I would have thought she was rude and bad mannered but would have smiled and left but thought the parents will have their work cut out with that one

I'd think she wasn't enormously clever if she thought horses lived on farms.

That's a very strange thing to say. She's only 3 years old and a city girl, so wouldn't have any reason to know different.

I can't stand know-it-all little kids!!! They obviously get it from somewhere (their parents).

You can't know many 3 year olds, if goes with the territory. If it was the 6 year old? You would have a point.

A few people have said now, Op, that your kid was a bit rude but you just keep ignoring/laughing it off/making a joke. See so many entitled parents and kids these days and little exchanges like this are exactly where it starts.

For context, I have a curious little 4yo, he asks questions, would ask to stroke a dog/horse maybe but he wouldn't even think about being cheeky or trying to tell the owner 'facts' because he's been brought up to be socially aware.

Kids have all sorts of daft ideas, doesn't make them stupid! We used to keep our pony at a riding school for kids, they offer pony rides on miniature Shetlands. The amount of kids who thought Shetlands were foals and shouldn't be ridden as they were too young was hilarious! I have to say, I am very disappointed at the amount of people on here who would react so negatively to a small child when out in public. But some people seem to begrudge children an inch of public space.

But she was apologetic to the lady, said her DD had a habit of talking nonsense. I think the OTT response would have understandably made her less sympathetic.

The OP has been quite gracious really, hasn't flounced or been rude in reply.

I don't think 3 year olds are old enough to understand the concept of rudeness. They haven't developed a filter as yet. Ever heard the jokey term 'threenager'?

Even when it was explained to her she wouldn't have it.

Parents need to realise that not everyone finds little kids endlessly fascinating. As a Pp said, mine would have loved to pat a horse but wouldn't have dreamed of arguing with an adult (particularly when they were wrong)

I would have just laughed.
Maybe kindly explained to the little girl the horse likes being out and isn’t scared.

Although tbh I totally agree with your DD anyway.

They shouldn’t be on the road.
It makes me really angry actually seeing them there.
Cars are much faster than they are.
Drivers are too entitled and selfish to go slow.
Having horses on the road puts everyone in danger.
I feel the same way about bikes.

They shouldn’t be on the road.
It makes me really angry actually seeing them there

Then you have rage issues and should probably get some help.

@doggydoggydoggy you’re completely wrong. Horses have every right to be on the roads and drivers are obliged by law to slow down and give them right of way.

It’s people who don’t know the law, who make it so dangerous for horses and their riders, by driving far too close, too fast and hooting their horns...