To be surprised this woman got so cross with my three yr old

[JuniperGinYay]

DD is recently 3, but has good clear speech. She’s small and could be presumed to be 2.

Like many toddlers she’s a bit absolute. We cycled past a woman on a horse in the road, later we saw the same woman at a out door forest cafe.

Dd was sitting with Dd 6 and the woman lent on the next table while her friend saw to the horse, I was getting drinks and in clear sight but not ear shot. Apparently dd3 said ‘horses go in farms, not on the road’ then when the woman disagreed she said ‘yes! Roads are for cars! You scare horse in road!’. Personally I would have just either smiled and wandered off or explained my horse wasn’t scared on the road and was used to it. Instead the woman stomped over and gave me a tirade about what I taught my daughter, her attitude and how I was a ‘presumptuous car driver ‘. Dd was still smiling, now chatting about unicorns and horses to her sister in the same smiley way. I was initially very polite, explained she didn’t actually mean to criticise and just chats away. She’d probably just only seen horses off road or in farm pictures and was basing it on that, not family disapproval of horse riding. I also pointed out we were on bikes. I smiled and all that and tried to be friendly and tone it down, but then she retorted i had no idea how to raise polite children so I also raised my voice and told her to just stay away from the children if she had issue.

I’m still stewing on it today. Bizarre? If she dislikes small children why she even stood so close to a little one (tables scattered out doors in forest area, plenty of space) I don’t know.

Lees agree 100% with everything you said

It is rude to go up to a stranger and offer unsolicited criticism of their behaviour. I would have been annoyed in the horse rider's shoes. I wouldn't have launched into a tirade but I'd have come away thinking your child wasn't very polite.

@Bluewall

I'm hesitant to comment on that without knowing the full details but in general the public seem to think that horse poo is as dangerous and toxic as dog, cat and human poo - it's not, it really is putt harmless. I do appreciate that it can't be pleasant or easy for you if there is a lot of it. They are also perhaps exasperated that a route that is just about safe enough for them to access has another user group trying to kick them off it, as there are becoming less and less safe places to ride horses.

I'm sorry to hear that you feel it's them against the world. Genuinely. Horseriders can feel that it's the world against them when they're just trying to do what they're legally allowed to do, safely for all concerned.

Sadly it's not always as simple as jump off to push poo out of the way (although sometimes it totally is!). There has to be a suitable raised place out of traffic to get back on again after you've done that, and horses are generally under much more precise control under a rider than with a handler so it can end up dangerous for horse, rider and everybody else around for a rider to dismount to move poo. Horse nappies aren't a viable option, and poo on roads tends to wash away with rain and traffic quite quickly.

Again, I'm generally sad that you feel that way about your local riders. We as a group tend to work very hard to try to get our communities to treat us well and to treat you well - It's not in our best interests to make enemies where horses and mechanical death machines are concerned.

To be absolutely fair, your dd was 100% correct. The woman demonstrated what entitled besoms horseriders are - claiming not only the road but the pavement, too, when they feel like it. Fields, farms, those are good places for horses. It’s a niche hobby, expensive and unnecessary. Don't let them rule the roost.

sigh It doesn't take long for people to start being nasty about horse riders, does it? Regardless of how you feel about someone, driving dangerously around them and deliberately putting their lives and that of an innocent animal in danger, isn't acceptable. And people wear Polite tabards because they are proven to be more effective that ordinary hi viz at making people slow down. They are actually recommended by police. They are not wearing them to deceive you and have a laugh at your expense, they are wearing them to stay safe.

@barryfromclareisfit . For goodness sake. Horseriders are LEGALLY entitled to be on roads.

Doesn't take long for the hard of thinking who believe the stereotype to start on a horse thread does it?
Most hobbies are pointless.
Bit like your post really.

I would have jumped to the same conclusion as horse woman. However, I would not have launched into a tirade of abuse. I think the woman made a prat of herself and lost the argument at this point.

However, if I had have said anything, I would have accepted your explanation as some sort of awkward apology and seen your obvious embarrassment as lesson learned.

As it happens, I believe you as I see no reason for you to lie on a public forum

It is rude to go up to a stranger and offer unsolicited criticism of their behaviour. I would have been annoyed in the horse rider's shoes oh for goodness sake, it was not unsolicited criticism from a 3 yo, it was an observation of their understanding of fact. Woman could have ignored her, or said"its OK, my horse really likes to go on the road". If the little girl had then said about scaring them, the reply is "he doesn't get scared" or "that's why car drivers have to be nice and slow driving round them"

If she feels like her life choices are being criticised by a 3 yo, i think she's a little over sensitive. She's 3!! She probably thinks cake is best served before breakfast and you should be able to wear your dress up for school every day.

She probably thinks cake is best served before breakfast and you should be able to wear your dress up for school every day.

I had a chocolate eclair for breakfast this morning because I am an adult and I could. I'll get my coat....

Obviously woman shouldn't have engaged with toddler or you, but clearly she was narked at a child parroting a parent's opinion.

Reminds me of when ds was in WH Smith when he was 4 and loudly told a lady that it was bad luck to buy Christmas cards in the sale as you might be run over in February . Actually it was bad luck for Smith's as the woman put the cards back pretty speedily!

Woman could have ignored her, or said"its OK, my horse really likes to go on the road". If the little girl had then said about scaring them, the reply is "he doesn't get scared" or "that's why car drivers have to be nice and slow driving round them"

You can't expect everyone to have the perfect script to hand when dealing with a three-year-old child. Not everyone has child-friendly explanations at the tip of their tongue.

Surely children should be taught that it's rude to prance up to people and comment negatively on what they're doing, and certainly that they can't expect random people to indulge them with explanations and justifications of their behaviour, couched in child-friendly vocabulary.

Hi Lavinia

The op was the only one who said she raised her voice in the op and the 3yo was still happily talking about unicorns I thought...? So not scared. Unless I misread.

Point taken. Looks like I missed that nuance :(

She didn't get cross with your three year old; she was cross with you because she assumed (probably correctly) that your DD was echoing what had been said to her. In your position, I would have responded to my DD to widen her understanding about horses before the woman had the chance to come and take me to task.

Bloody hell who gets offended by an offhand remark by a toddler. I love all the hard nosed people telling op her toddler's terribly behaved. She's 3!

LeePosters

Apologies! - I obviously misread. Thought your post was excusing the specific horse woman's shoutiness as being 'protective'. Which clearly doesn't make sense & now I re-read I see you were making entirely reasonable general point!

fwiw I have ZERO tolerance for small kids being shouted at - unless it is to prevent danger. So perhaps over-sensitive if I (mistakenly) feel amyone else is excusing shouting)

Cheers x

RSAcre

Tbh, I don’t blame you and I think it’s because the title is a bit misleading. I opened it thinking “what sort of horrible person would get cross with a 3yo they’d just met”, but it’s not quite that I don’t think...

And I loved your observation about horsey women, as a horsey woman yourself . Very amusing.

It is rude to go up to a stranger and offer unsolicited criticism of their behaviour. I would have been annoyed in the horse rider's shoes. I wouldn't have launched into a tirade but I'd have come away thinking your child wasn't very polite.

Oh for goodness sake, the DD was 3! It goes with the territory. If it had been the 6 year old, then there would have been grounds for complaint.

To be fair there is something quite irritating about a kid repeating some self-righteous opinion that obviously comes from their parents.

There's no reason to think it did come from her parents. The OP says she doesn't offer come across horses on the road and it doesn't bother her when she does. There's no reason to think she's lying.

😂 at the idea that nobody exaggerates, is less than truthful or makes up random crap on MUMSNET!

I’m sure the op isn’t lying, but you know. People do lie on here ALL THE TIME.

Of course posters lie sometimes. But I don't get het up by having to pass a horse rider on the road, so there isn't a reason to think she's lying about that. And 3 year olds can regularly embarrass their parents, I've been there, done that and got the T shirt many times.

You can't expect everyone to have the perfect script to hand when dealing with a three-year-old child then you glare at them to lthey go quiet or ignore them completely. In most 3 yo's world horses do belong on farms because that's where they live in the kids show with the talking farm animals and in most kids books and in most farm movies. Same as cows and pigs. The woman just happened to not be riding a pig.

My three yo points to people and tells me what numbers they look like. Their worlds are generally fairly simple and "rule" laden

'Cheeky'... can a 3 year old really be cheeky... perhaps if they were on the cusp of turning 4... but when h3d just turned 3 my son would just say things, he had no idea they were rude and I had to explain to him all the time about the implications of the things he said.... that's part of raising a toddler... what are you supposed to do? Never take them outside u til they have learnt how to be polite and what exactly offends people? It's a gradual learning process they go through at that age...
That woman was completely nuts. Idve understood if it was an older child who actually was being cheeky... but 3 year olds do not understand subtext to the level she is presuming yours to, and they often say very judgemental black and white things... because they are 3 and working things out... not because they are parroting their parents word for word... my son would say things like 'it's dark we should go to bed' for example... because he wasnt old enough to understand properly and was trying to work it out, when you would go to bed etc.... so if he heard someone say 'horses are scared of cars' he may very well say to someone 'horses should not be on the road' because that's the level 3 year olds think at..
Ffs you cant teach your toddler that level of thinking over night, they are going to be saying quite rigid quite black and white stuff for a while at that age

Kids don't always mimic parents. They have minds of their own.
My best friends toddler tells me he doesn't like me and I should go home. He's not repeating that from his parents........(oh crap, lightbulb moment!😮)
Anyway the woman was rude. Ignore her.