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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s MY decision as a parent NOT the schools

394 replies

IfeelSoIll · 27/03/2019 12:34

I’m really quite angry
My dd (secondary school) has been unwell quite a bit lately, some very nasty viral illnesses. Been to gp and nothing underlying just bad luck it seems.

Anyway, yet again she returned yesterday feeling grim so had an early night but barely slept this morning throat was horrendously red and sore. Very congested and extremely nasty runny nose.
Generally tired and achy but no temperature.

School have called and told us bring her in. That THEY will keep her there and administer paracetamol and they will decide if she needs to go home. That in future if she’s ill to get her up and send her in and they will then decide.

AIBU to think that it’s cruel to send a visibly very unwell child to school just to prove who makes the decision about whether they are well enough to be in or not ?

OP posts:
uknownothingjonsnow · 27/03/2019 12:36

No YANBU! I can't believe they called you and told you to take her in?? How long has she been off for? Not that that matters.....if you feel she is too ill to go in then you don't have to send her!

mbosnz · 27/03/2019 12:36

I totally agree. How dare they?! I'm sorry, but that is a parental/guardianship right and responsibility - they are WELL overstepping the mark!

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 27/03/2019 12:37

That THEY will keep her there and administer paracetamol and they will decide if she needs to go home.

Any you've given written permission for the administration of drugs?

frasersmummy · 27/03/2019 12:37

That sounds like massive overstepping of the mark by the school

is her attendance really really bad? or are the school under pressure from local authorities to tighten up on absence?

IvanaPee · 27/03/2019 12:37

I don’t know how parents in the UK cope with the nanny-state school system!

So no, YANBU!

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 27/03/2019 12:38

I suppose the bigger question is : what is her attendance like ? isshe below 95% or edging to 90%. What do you prefer , school or the EWO ?

Prequelle · 27/03/2019 12:38

I'm sure other parents would like to know that they're risking an infection spreading

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 27/03/2019 12:38

Wasn't there a thread reasently about someones daughter being ill and given parocetomol and the mother was told thry couldn't taje child home?

GCAcademic · 27/03/2019 12:39

Presumably you told them to fuck off?

RomanyQueen1 · 27/03/2019 12:39

Unfortunately schools are judged by absences, that's not your problem though. If she is ill, keep her off and tell school she is ill and if they want to send a welfare officer round, you have nothing to hide.

Original poster
IfeelSoIll · 27/03/2019 12:39

Attendance is below the expected standards now due to all the viral illnesses and infections. It’s 89%
Have had a few appts too bloods was one to check iron levels etc as been unwell a lot

The school have said unless she has a v high temp or d+v they expect her in and they will make the decision not us

OP posts:
GerryblewuptheER · 27/03/2019 12:40

Erm its school not prison.

Yanbu

FriarTuck · 27/03/2019 12:41

It sounds like they think she's taking the piss with the amount of time off she's had and that they don't believe that she's ill enough to stay home. Whether they're right isn't for us to say but maybe you'd be better off having a civilised conversation with them along those lines to establish why they're taking their view.

Original poster
IfeelSoIll · 27/03/2019 12:41

I actually thought we have been doing our best many times she has been in not that well with painkillers difflam spray etc but some days like today she’s really really too unwell it’s not a decision we take lightly.

OP posts:
ScrewyMcScrewup · 27/03/2019 12:41

Ridiculous. I understand schools are under external pressure to keep attendance high but they need to push back, not push it on to sick kids and their parents.

I'd just repeat calmly that you are her parent and you judge her too ill for school. In writing. Let them send an EWO and try to defend what they're asking.

melissasummerfield · 27/03/2019 12:41

I would have hung up the phone at that point, how dare they!

Original poster
IfeelSoIll · 27/03/2019 12:42

They sent a letter a few months ago about illness just that in life you have to basically push through sometimes and they expect pupils in

OP posts:
Gruzinkerbell1 · 27/03/2019 12:42

Ask them to confirm that in writing, then go to the govenors.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 27/03/2019 12:43

They're calling at gone noon? I wouldn't bother for a couple of hours. You are going to have the EWO though, and you havent sought medical advice. Gonna be a difficult one to justify to the LA

AndItStillSaidFourOfTwo · 27/03/2019 12:43

With you, IvanaPee. The fetishisation of i) attendance and ii) uniform look utterly bonkers from outside.

OP, I would be requesting tthe school put that in writing and would reply, CCing the EWO and the LA, stating that of course you, as a responsible parent, will be making the decisions as to whether your daughter is well enough to attend.

Heismyopendoor · 27/03/2019 12:43

Tell them to do one. It’s not up for discussion. You are the parent and you decide if your child is too ill for school.

YANBU

BarbarianMum · 27/03/2019 12:44

Im hugely supportive of my children's school but Id tell them to fuck off (well not literally but that'd be the jist) if they tried that. Health first, education second. YANBU

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 27/03/2019 12:44

The reason schools behave like this is because they are under the kosh to improve attendance across the board against utterly unrealistic targets and simultaneously, a whole bunch of feckless and/or entitled parents take the piss.

You are neither, I hope, OP, so I would ring up and ask to speak to the Head of Year, not someone on the reception desk who has been given thankless task of chasing attendance. I would follow up with an email too.

Lougle · 27/03/2019 12:45

When DD2 had to have serial blood tests, when she was 5, I used to take her over to the hospital blood service for opening time, so that I could get her to school on time. Is that an option for you, so that she doesn't miss school on these days?

AnnieOH1 · 27/03/2019 12:45

How old is she? Can you get a GP to sign her off? (No idea if this is even still possible!)

Honestly I think in your position I would be speaking to a specialist solicitor and telling the school to go forth. I'm afraid to say it sounds to me like the school is potentially looking for a welfare issue (either not a real illness or that the illness is being caused by poor diet etc).

I wouldn't give a school permission to administer meds. HCPs get it wrong sometimes, no way would I trust an over worked and underfunded teacher or similar to do it.

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