It’s MY decision as a parent NOT the schools

[IfeelSoIll]

I’m really quite angry
My dd (secondary school) has been unwell quite a bit lately, some very nasty viral illnesses. Been to gp and nothing underlying just bad luck it seems.

Anyway, yet again she returned yesterday feeling grim so had an early night but barely slept this morning throat was horrendously red and sore. Very congested and extremely nasty runny nose.
Generally tired and achy but no temperature.

School have called and told us bring her in. That THEY will keep her there and administer paracetamol and they will decide if she needs to go home. That in future if she’s ill to get her up and send her in and they will then decide.

AIBU to think that it’s cruel to send a visibly very unwell child to school just to prove who makes the decision about whether they are well enough to be in or not ?

It'd be a cold day in hell before I pulled my sick child out of bed just to get permission to take them home again from someone with no medical qualification.

OP - for your dd, I would be inclined to bring her to the GP for a check-up. It's possible she may have asthma type symptoms which could be greatly improved with a Ventolin inhaler in the first instance, and a steroid (preventative) inhaler also. While she's ill is the time to bring her. Maybe ring up first thing in the morning if she has another bad night and try to get an appointment.

Twaddle

There is massive research on the issue.

Tatiana - a friend of mine missed almost a whole year of secondary school with severe Glandular fever - was hospitalised for a lot of it - she managed to get straight As at O and A level, and went on to Cambridge to do medicine. God knows what she could have achieved if she'd not missed that year, eh?!

Who at the school told you this OP?

I agree with PP - I would ask for it in writing.

They are massively overstepping the mark. Maybe they think they have powers of arrest or something?

They don’t believe you. Some parents are stricter about what they’ll send a child in with than others. Is your dd in an exam year, falling behind a lot? Her attendance is really poor and it will cause problems - put it this way, if it was your work would you be off or would you struggle in?

My friends DS was off school a few weeks ago with D&V. He has 100% attendance and he is 5.
She needed to pop into work to pick something up, so I offered to mind him for her on my day off.
In his school, they call you after you've called your child in sick. She said if they call, I can answer and explain.

They called and I explained he had D&V. The response I got to that was 'Well, you can send them into school with it and we'll call to collect if we think child is ill enough'

My neighbours kids schools also seem to have this rule, both Primary and Secondary!

Ifeelsoill my DD same age as yours is not well at the moment and has been a lot recently .I have taken in medication and hospital appointments as evidence for EWO and i can't fault her school they have been incredibly supportive .Her attendance is going to be affected a lot but it as school getting her better is the main concern , i have work for her to do at home. As her lovely GP said you are mum if you think she is not well enough to attend at the moment you are best to make that decision and same here i am not keeping her at home for fun it she is genuinely unwell. Stick to your guns op and i hope your DD gets better soon.

Seriously??

been off school a lot recently

Tell them no

I’ve had a similar discussion with my DD’s school and they told me the same thing

DD’s attendance is usually really good, but just before half term she was struck down with flu so had a week off.

She’d been feeling crappy on and off since Christmas but still went to school. She had actually got up to go to school on the Monday morning but passed out in the living room so I put her back to bed. Where she stayed for 5 days, I had to carry her to the loo she was so poorly.

By Wednesday school were demanding I send her in so they could decide if she was ill enough to miss school.

I refused, so they demanded I attend a meeting so I could explain the absence.

I told them I would decide when my child was too ill to attend school. They threatened to report me to the EWO. I told them to crack on

I was so angry. Those 5 days were the first time off she’d had in 2 years.

This is complete insanity..oh my god OP. WTF? Have we completely lost the right as parents to make a judgement call on this stuff? This makes me so cross and is utterly unnecessary and guilt ridden rubbish.
Stand your ground. Your child. Her life.

TBH, I didn't know what CFS was and knowing this place, that was my first thought. Simply a case of not knowing I'm afraid rather than being flippant I'm sure.

SileneOliveira really ? So you think sick children should go to school if they really are not well enough .My DD's will be lower than 89% because she is unwell at the moment due to an illness that actually makes her too unwell to go to school until hospital can sort a medication that will help .So to keep her attendance figure high your attitude would be send her in regardless. Nope not going to happen,my DD's health comes first and i have full support of her school .

So you think sick children should go to school if they really are not well enough .My DD's will be lower than 89% because she is unwell at the moment due to an illness that actually makes her too unwell to go to school until hospital can sort a medication

This is totally different to a child who is having the odd day off sick here and there which is adding up to a total of 89% attendance. Schools will support parents who engage with them and explain what is going on and if necessary, have the medical paperwork to back it up. The school can then document the situation with evidence and have covered their backs when it comes to the next Ofsted visit. However, if your child is off regularly - for the odd day therefore suggesting no real illness, just tired/got a cold/feeling a bit under the weather - and the parent refuses to engage with why it's happening, all sorts of alarm bells start ringing and the school needs to be able to show that it is doing what it can to make sure the child in question is in school (as well as make sure nothing untoward is taking place). There is a massive difference.

However, if your child is off regularly - for the odd day therefore suggesting no real illness, just tired/got a cold/feeling a bit under the weather - and the parent refuses to engage with why it's happening, all sorts of alarm bells start ringing

Exactly. We all know the parent who keeps their kids off for a few days every time they sneeze or because they're "feeling poorly-sick". School has to try to separate the genuinely ill from the malingerers.

I wouldn't want my child at school with your poor ill daughter. Nor the wee boy home with D&V being ordered in by the school! My children are at a private school and the school nurse has to call the parents to try and keep the kids OUT of school (eg bringing back too soon after D&V).

That's ridiculous. You can't drag a sick 12 year old into school if she's really unwell just to make the school's figures look good. That's draconian.

But her attendance is very low. She shouldn't miss a whole day for a blood test. Or any time at all if you planned it around registration (9am and 1pm in my dc's school). With future appointments, as long as she's there for the register, that would make all the difference.

Is she eating well? Plenty of fruits and vegetables? Sleeping well? Maybe try some vitamins or sambucol to get her immune system back up and running.

As somebody has already said, it's simply because the school is under huge pressure to keep attendance to 95% or above. My DD, who has had 100% attendance nearly every academic year, got into trouble last year because she also had a few bouts of illness so her attendance fell to 89%. I kept her head of year fully informed, send countless pieces of evidence - eg photos of prescriptions, blood test forms etc. And still, I got a threatening letter from the local council's educational welfare officer. I was absolutely fuming.

89% attendance is actually very low. You would never get a call like this if her attendance was higher, poor attendance is linked to poor grades.

She does sound too poorly to be in school today, I wouldn't have sent my DD in...but do you think she's stayed off unnecessarily in the past, bringing her attendance to such a low level?

The blood taking service in our local hospital open only until 5 pm. There is also a big queue in the morning. So considering distance to school, and to hospital etc I can imagine someone being 1.5 hours late to school after coming to hospital by 8 am.

OP, it’s absolutely appalling how school’s approached this. I would write a complain possibly to governors something that your DD is unwell and you expect school support her whereas these letters and calls rather affect her mental health and yours as well. And that as her parents you’re always supported her education. I wouldn’t put comments about their medical training or whatever ( they’re better be done orally). Of course, it’s entirely parental decision. Some children struggle with cold a lot even if it’s without temperature. People who are saying “it’s just a cold “ probably have strong immune system and usually have mild colds. Sometimes you can’t breathe with cold and your brain literally not working.

Jeez, it’s a good job my DD is no longer school age, I’d be bursting a blood vessel over some of the shit I hear on here.

My DD had glandular fever and was off school for weeks, the school sent home work so she could keep up with her exams etc, she also had regular contact with the school. My DD is now 23 so this was a few years ago (when she was 16) but the school started off being quite aggressive in their approach, implying she wasnt really poorly, that is, until she was diagnosed. Then they became more supportive, but its hard as at times you are just too unwell to function despite the impact on your attendance percentages.

I am a school governor.

Tell the school to fuck off.

Write a Letter to the HT and copy to the chair of governors.

Some children have bouts of bad illness. They just do. I'm pleased to say most grow out of it. I find year 7 bad generally as children are usually exposed to a much larger student population and immunity can take a hit (the same thing is seen when kids start university)

My eldest son brought home an awful bug from school at the start of March.

He was off for 3 days and went back (he really shouldn't have but its his GCSE year and he was worried about missing lessons) he's still coughing.

Then my youngest caught it. He was off for a week. Couldn't get his temp down.

Then I caught it and was in bed for 4 days.

Dr says it was influenza A.

If your dd has what we had I feel very sorry for her.