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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s MY decision as a parent NOT the schools

394 replies

IfeelSoIll · 27/03/2019 12:34

I’m really quite angry
My dd (secondary school) has been unwell quite a bit lately, some very nasty viral illnesses. Been to gp and nothing underlying just bad luck it seems.

Anyway, yet again she returned yesterday feeling grim so had an early night but barely slept this morning throat was horrendously red and sore. Very congested and extremely nasty runny nose.
Generally tired and achy but no temperature.

School have called and told us bring her in. That THEY will keep her there and administer paracetamol and they will decide if she needs to go home. That in future if she’s ill to get her up and send her in and they will then decide.

AIBU to think that it’s cruel to send a visibly very unwell child to school just to prove who makes the decision about whether they are well enough to be in or not ?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 27/03/2019 13:14

Your dd is ill, and it is highly irresponsible for the school to do this. It can increase the chances of infection spreading, and affect those children who have compromised immune systems. It is unfair to drag her out, and send her back again, it will make it worse. Can you get a Drs note.

GabsAlot · 27/03/2019 13:14

i know someone whose child missed losts of school due to illness they had all the letters and threats and eventually the officers just turned up on their doorstep

apparently didnt say much just verified the child was at home

Aeroflotgirl · 27/03/2019 13:15

Plus they are not medically trained, poor advice.

StroppyWoman · 27/03/2019 13:15

I sympathise.
My DS2's attendance was 84% following an awful string of viruses and tests - GP and hospital couldn't tell us why it was happening, he was endlessly ill and was so run down he caught everything going.

We were tearing our hair out, school was going mad, but everyone knew there was nothing anyone could do. I sympathised with the school but my goodness it was frustrating having to justify his absence.

Inaquandry06 · 27/03/2019 13:15

I’d tell them if they are that worried then they can send a member of staff or the welfare officer to your house to confirm that your dd is actually ill and you’re not just making it up, why should your dd who is ill have to be dragged into school for someone to take a glimpse at her and deem her fine when they have no clue that she’s been up all night etc

eggsandwich · 27/03/2019 13:16

Wow, just who do they think they are!

I would be reminding them that that as her parent you outrank everyone, so as such you and you alone will be making the decision as to whether you feel she is well enough to attend school or not.

Maybe tell them that if they feel that they have the right to take over your parental responsibility that maybe they would also like to purchase any future school uniform.

KitKat1985 · 27/03/2019 13:16

Slightly on the fence here. I agree that it the main it's the parents decision as to whether to keep a child off school, but 89% attendance is poor, and basically averages out to a day off school every fortnight, which is a lot. Basically they clearly think you are keeping her off every time she has the sniffles or that she's malingering / putting it on a bit. So depends on how unwell you really think she is. Personally I wouldn't keep a child off school for a cold, and that sounds like what she's got. It's a life lesson that sometimes you just have to take some paracetamol and get on with things.

Topseyt · 27/03/2019 13:17

Was she tested for glandular fever? I had a friend who had it when I was in the sixth form (many moons ago now) and I seem to remember she described similar symptoms, which simply wouldn't subside. She was off school for weeks and weeks, very poorly.

This is your decision, and I think the school's approach sounds overbearing. I can sort of see their point of view with 89% attendance as they have to account to Ofsted etc. for their figures.

It will help if you can get some sort of medical evidence together. My 16 year old DD is in year 12. She has a less than perfect attendance record this year due to a medical problem and ongoing weekly clinic appointments for now. School know about it and have been involved in her care package. They don't question it.

JugglingMummyof2 · 27/03/2019 13:18

With that additional information OP you are not being unreasonable at all. I understand where the school stand ( 89% is v poor) BUT a 12 year old/Year 7 being ill at school is very different to a 16 year old/Year 11. Keep her home and look after her, she is too young to have to soldier on if you feel she is really ill.

pootyisabadcat · 27/03/2019 13:18

YANBU

SchadenfreudePersonified · 27/03/2019 13:19

Ridiculous!

Sending an ill child to school just so they can send her home again. You know your child, and if she's poorly, she's poorly.

(And quite possibly infectious - do they want every kid and teacher off with what is obviously a nasty bug?)

Fillywinterton · 27/03/2019 13:19

Yet another reason I'm glad we home educate our DC.

Princessmushroom · 27/03/2019 13:19

No wonder she is so ill if:

‘The school have said unless she has a v high temp or d+v they expect her in and they will make the decision not us’.

When I get ill I get VERY ill. A cold is never just a cold, etc. I would hate that they’re promoting bringing all those sickness bugs in one place.

RunAlexRun · 27/03/2019 13:20

They've got a fucking cheek! But sadly, like most schools, they think that school is the centre of every parents universe and that they can boss the parents around like they do the kids.

At my DDs secondary school their new 'policy' is that they don't send an ill child home. If a child is sick at school they are given a bowl and made to carry on with lessons.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 27/03/2019 13:20

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Aeroflotgirl · 27/03/2019 13:21

KitKat if a child is ill they are ill, nothing can be done. When ds was in reception, he had D&V more or less every month, flu, and scarlet fever, school were very supportive. Yes he has 89% attendance, but hey his health comes first, and that of other kids in the environment. Op has said that she has had a virus, sometimes it takes a month or two to feel fully better, if kids go to school before they are well they can get worse again. Op dd has not just got a cold, she is tired and achy and needs her bed, not a busy school environment.

Original poster
IfeelSoIll · 27/03/2019 13:21

They checked for anaemia but the level was fine. We started extra vitamin d on Drs advice to see if that helped immunity

When she’s had a cold we’ve sent her with a throat spray etc but a lot of times like today she’s in a lot of pain and she was up most of the night as couldn’t sleep for to the pain and was struggling as so congested. I suppose it is ‘a cold’ but it’s not a mild one and she can’t get out of bed

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 27/03/2019 13:22

RunAlexRun how irresponsible, that is disgusting, I would never send my child to such a school.

RunAlexRun · 27/03/2019 13:22

Luckily DD is year 11 now and my younger child will be going to a private school, otherwise I'd change to another school!

Merryoldgoat · 27/03/2019 13:23

At my DDs secondary school their new 'policy' is that they don't send an ill child home. If a child is sick at school they are given a bowl and made to carry on with lessons.

I'd withdraw my child from a school like that.

havingtochangeusernameagain · 27/03/2019 13:25

I am not surprised the school is concerned. Day off for a blood test? Come on

Well sometimes you can be in and out in 10 minutes and other times it takes hours.

They are probably tearing their hair out trying to figure out how to improve the situation

I very much doubt that.

OP you are the parent and it is your decision. And if they send a EWO round, you say the same to them - say you'll see them in court with your daughter's medical records, they'll soon back down. And no, you don't need to go to your GP and waste time - it looks like they already have a policy on that anyway. I would be having strong words if a school effectively accused me of lying about my child's illnesses.

If schools feel they have the medical experience to can decide who is ill, they can also tell the difference between those who are genuinely ill a lot and the malingerers.

Poivrotte · 27/03/2019 13:26

It sounds exactly like our school . Are you in South west London ? X

Moonbea · 27/03/2019 13:28

If this keeps going with her being ill ask your gp to check her for glandular fever or epstein Barr virus. (it's a blood test) She could have those or ask about chronic fatigue syndrome. It can mimic being ill like this when you first show symptoms, it basically makes mild illnesses alot worse. As well as being generally tired and achey daily.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/03/2019 13:29

It is horrible, who wants to be in a classroom where somebody is throwing up yuk, way to spread infection. That type of schools shows me that they do not care one iota about a child's welfare.

RunAlexRun · 27/03/2019 13:30

I don't think many schools care about kids welfare's these days tbh; all they care about it performance, grades and attendance rates.

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