It’s MY decision as a parent NOT the schools

[IfeelSoIll]

I’m really quite angry
My dd (secondary school) has been unwell quite a bit lately, some very nasty viral illnesses. Been to gp and nothing underlying just bad luck it seems.

Anyway, yet again she returned yesterday feeling grim so had an early night but barely slept this morning throat was horrendously red and sore. Very congested and extremely nasty runny nose.
Generally tired and achy but no temperature.

School have called and told us bring her in. That THEY will keep her there and administer paracetamol and they will decide if she needs to go home. That in future if she’s ill to get her up and send her in and they will then decide.

AIBU to think that it’s cruel to send a visibly very unwell child to school just to prove who makes the decision about whether they are well enough to be in or not ?

I have the virus that is going around and am still unwell - 9th day now. Your poor daughter shouldn't have to worry about school while she is ill. Phone and speak to the head of year. The school is behaving unacceptably. The virus is very contagious so apart from your daughter needing to rest at home, other pupils shouldn't be infected unnecessarily.

Our two have been getting everything under the sun, and are at 89% and 90% respectively. But we expected that, with relocating, because you do get very run down and get every bug going - we all have. I don't think we've had a week over winter where SOMEBODY wasn't sick.

And yes, I will keep them off school when their symptoms can't be managed with over the counter medication, they're streaming snot and coughing up a lung - not just because they're feeling miserable, but I don't want them passing it on, and they're obviously not in a fit state to learn! That's just basic common sense, and thinking of others, besides oneself, surely?

Thankfully the school hasn't been on our case.

I get why OP is cross that she feels she's being undermined. But 89% attendance is incredibly low. One day every other week.

YDNBU OP!

I had lunch with a fiend yesterday who routinely keeps her kids off for the day when they're "a bit tired" Yup, they will grow up to have resilience, eh?!

Doh. A friend obviously. Although I found this opinion fiendish.

My nephew has been ill with tonsalitis on and off since the end of November. He was twice tested for Glandular Fever and that has come back negative. Sometimes these things happen, and the school has to be sensible.

He’s also 12 by the way.

But he’s not at state so my sis doesn’t get all this attendance bollocks.

school^^

@Schadenfreude I sincerely hope you’re joking. CFS (also sometimes called ME) stands for chronic fatigue syndrome, and is a debilitating medical condition, causing extreme exhaustion (not improved by a good night sleep), chronic pain, and other symptoms. Please don’t be so flippant about a condition that makes many people’s lives miserable.

They can't keep her there or force her in if she's too ill fgs so that's bullshit on their behalf.

It does sound like your daughter has a cold though OP- I've had a nasty one for over a week now but managed work all week, temperature over the weekend but that got better thankfully, still struggling now with cough, sneezing, blocked up nose, fatigue etc but I'm still out and about even though my sleep is shit.

IMO don't keep her off for a viral cold, save those absences for Flu/Infections/Sickness etc. The school is probably annoyed regarding her attendance and may think you're being to soft on her?

89% really isn't that horrific, but I'm another one who lives abroad and I find the UK school system really crazily strict.

It's winter, people get sick. You're doing the right thing in keeping her off.

I made a GDPR request to our LA and discovered an email from the SENCo asking the LA if she could make a referral to children's services under a" safeguarding guise" (SENCo's wording) because I refused to "comply" (SENCo again) with the school's demand that I send dd to school for them to decide if she was well enough LA advised against as I was considered a tricky parent by that I assume they meant that I wasn't one to be intimidated and would fight back and they had had to pay compensation previously.

Hmm I agree with some PPs that the school have concerns that you are keeping your DD off unnecessarily. Colds (and it really sounds like a bad cold) can make you feel totally rubbish BUT I would be willjng to bet that she COULD have got out of bed and could have attended school. 89% is very low and, whilst bouts of illness do happen, there are some parents who keep their child off with every little thing to the detriment of their education. It does make a difference. In your case, given no D&V and no temperature, and the already low attendance, I would have been inclined to get her up and send her in and see how she got on. Alternatively, I might have kept her off for the morning, let her sleep in after a disturbed night and then sent her in the PM, as long as no further symptoms developed. You don't sound like the kind of parent who will keep her off for nothing BUT I also think that a snotty nose, sore throat and tiredness can be coped with in school.

No! Absolutely not, she stays at home with you

I'm also on the fence, as parents, we don't own our children and children have a right to an education. Not all parents have children's best interests at heart, poor attendance can be a red flag for other things.

My ds has had years with poor attendance due to his asthma, so I know how it feels also to feel accused of being that parent.
But I don't think a parents decision trump's everything, some parents are very poor decision makers and probably best for a child that other adults take over where that is the case.

I don't think many schools care about kids welfare's these days tbh; all they care about it performance, grades and attendance rates

89% attendance is low. Statistically, a child with that level of attendance is likely to not achieve their full potential at GCSE. For borderline students, that is the difference between pass and fail. A school's job is to ensure a child performs as well as they are able and gets the best possible set of results so that they can move on with their rest of their lives. Frequent non-attendance/poor attendance is additionally an indicator of potential problems - from the more serious (abuse) to perhaps being need to care for someone in the home or who knows what? Would you rather schools ignored this?

Parents also need to be aware of the pressures schools are under to 'perform' and the potential consequences when they don't (poor Ofsted, falling numbers, additional pressures on teachers who are already pressured) and the impact this has on schools chasing children. Schools care - about children as individuals who they want to do as well as they can (regardless of home life and other issues that may impact learning) - and also about their own place in the league tables and with Inspectors because if they don't care, there is massive impact on existing students and potential future students.

Cheeky Fucker Syndrome?

Seriously?

I agree that they seem to think you're being over-protective and keeping off for a sniffle. They have no right to do what they've done and you have done the right thing to keep her home.

I can't bear this whole attendance malarkey - if a child is sick, they should bloody well be at home, trying to get better as quickly as possible, not spreading their germs around their class!

Now the whole stupid 100% attendance goal thing is being brought in here in Australia as well (fuck you very much), I've had friends telling me that their ill children are fretting themselves into a worse state because they'll not get their attendance awards and that's Really Bad.
No, it isn't.
If you're sick, you're sick - it's not your fault and you shouldn't be punished for it.

However, one thing that struck me in your post is that you were given absences for blood tests? I've heard on here and other UK boards that if you go into school and get marked in, then take them out for their appointment, this works better for you than being late to start school. Getting that first attendance mark is All Important in terms of partial absences. Check that with your school and maybe make appts for around 11am in future, so that your DD is marked present before you take her out for her appt.

I went to secondary school in the 90s and was badly bullied, I had a lot of time off. I'd say it was a case of 40% physical illness and 60% needing a MH Day to cope, before people even considered "mental health days" CAMHS barely existed then, vague counselling was available. I shudder to think what it would've been like now with the smart phone era AND the Attendance Police

YANBU OP

Statistically, a child with that level of attendance is likely to not achieve their full potential at GCSE.

Twaddle. It depends entirely on the reasons for low attendance. I went through a phase of recurrent tonsalitis when I was 8 until I had my tonsils out. Still got straight As at O level.

"Sep-Nov attendance was fine then beg of Dec had a v nasty throat infection and it’s been non stop since then"

What was her attendance like previous to September? In year 6, for example? Is this the only year this has happened?

The UK school system astounds me at least once a week. It's Draconian.

Tonsalitis? Tonsillitis!

You should also consider what 89% attendance would mean in most workplaces - not a problem for genuine illness/accident/pregnancy, but a massive problem if it is ad-hoc days off. There is clearly an issue with spreading germs etc but equally, the average cold takes around 2 weeks from start to finish and we get a couple of colds each annually. You can't expect to take a month off for colds, on top of annual leave, parental leave/child sick days, compassionate leave and any additional leave needed for more serious illness and still remain in a job.

Yes was ok at primary