It’s MY decision as a parent NOT the schools

[IfeelSoIll]

I’m really quite angry
My dd (secondary school) has been unwell quite a bit lately, some very nasty viral illnesses. Been to gp and nothing underlying just bad luck it seems.

Anyway, yet again she returned yesterday feeling grim so had an early night but barely slept this morning throat was horrendously red and sore. Very congested and extremely nasty runny nose.
Generally tired and achy but no temperature.

School have called and told us bring her in. That THEY will keep her there and administer paracetamol and they will decide if she needs to go home. That in future if she’s ill to get her up and send her in and they will then decide.

AIBU to think that it’s cruel to send a visibly very unwell child to school just to prove who makes the decision about whether they are well enough to be in or not ?

Well what a fucking Liberty, why is it, it’s always about targets, doesn’t matter about the stress this reaction has caused you, doesn’t matter that your daughter is poorly. Targets targets what a society we live in. Dreadful.

Disgusting. A child’s immune system needs to develop properly not be suppressed by paracetamol and continuous exposure to germs in school.

Absolutely outrageous.
So they're happy for a sick child to drag themselves out of their sickbed and then go and infect the rest of the class and possibly the teacher too ?
Tell them to get stuffed.

Amazing school - sack the NHS, never mind all parents.

Do they do mental health too?

I’d tell them where to stick their education and look into alternative schools. You don’t need this shit OP.

For people saying for her to " struggle in", for whose benefit? I wouldn't be able to learn anything with a heavy cold. We go to work like that because some managers are idiots. Doesn't benefit anyone. On the contrary, it just spreads the illness to the whole office. It's not productive to send an I'll child school. Full stop

Not sure if you're still reading OP, but when DS2 was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, the consultant advised DS2 to drink warm drinks and try and avoid cold ones, particularly ice cold. Apparently cold drinks can cause more irritation. DS2 has said it's helped.

I also had a letter about his attendance and saw the attendance company (his school use a 3rd party to deal with attendance issues). It was o.k. though I did refuse to sign the contract I was presented with. Didn't hear anything further I'm assuming because DS2 has now been seen by a paediatrician and has a letter with diagnosis.

What I find most frustrating is the notion his illness is limited to affecting his school attendance. He's wiped out in the evenings/weekends/school holidays he really isn't just just enjoying a day off a fortnight!

CanILeaveNowPlease - wow! Did I touch a nerve or what?!

No I'm not saying teachers make up for lax parenting which was bloody obvious!

What I'm saying is teachers teach! If a child has been off sick NOT spuriously so then yes it's their job to help them catch up when they return to school. The lack of resources and indeed teachers is again NOT the fault of parents or pupils. If you don't have the time to do your job then that's down to the govt not providing/training/recruiting enough teachers.

As a parent I DID take responsibility, I supported dds education as much as possible that's partly why she WAS doing really well prior to that bout of illness, I helped her learn more than just what was set as homework or covered in school BUT I'm not a trained teacher and I didn't know what needed to be covered for her exam preparation, even though we DID ask repeatedly and were fobbed off! The school very much failed a hard working, high achieving keen student, a child who had previously LOVED school to the point she'd try to fake being WELL enough to go in.

I'm usually supportive of teachers (AS me if you like) but there's a limit! And I for one am starting to get sick of teachers blaming pupils and parents instead of placing the blame where it belongs - in OVER regulation of our education system, poor resourcing and too much focus on anything BUT education!

"As an experienced teacher I find that highly unlikely." Despite an entire thread full of parents with similar experiences? Don't be so ridiculous!

She just has a cold, send her in. I have that same type of virus at the moment - never occurred to me to stay off sick! Just plough on, it's not a big deal.

she should come in with a cold, her classmates will already have been exposed to it and some learning is better than none.

If my DS went into school feeling sick, he wouldn't learn anything, and his anxiety would likely turn into a meltdown. It's not good for anyone for that to happen. Not everyone can 'soldier on'.

89% is pretty shocking attendance at this point in the school year. She's effectively missing 1 day every 2 weeks. I can see why the school are taking a hard line but it does annoy me that parents have list the right to judge when their child is unwell! You can push back off course but it's tricky without having a keg to stand on.

@StrumpersPlunkett if it's anything like mine, sickness absence is under 1%. The rate for people being sick throughout the holidays, however, is probably nearer 85%. The 15% remaining are the ones who are in school doing holiday intervention.

I'm wondering what your child's attendance is like? This sounds weird. Maybe you're a bit over protective. No, schools are usually very,very reluctant to give any type of medication, including sunscreen, so I think this calls for a personal visit to discuss what the real issue is.

Macblanc: "First of all, an adult that's not the guardian or parent giving a child DRUGS is illegal"

^ this ^ is utter rubbish, what happens when I child breaks their leg on a school residential abroad? Does the teacher not give any medication until you arrive in France? Hmmm, no!

Parents sign forms all the time to allow school staff to administer drugs, some life saving, like epipens / asthma drugs / steroids. Some less so, like strepsils!

'In loco parentis' - maybe Google it if you unsure if what this involves.

It's bloody ridiculous and counter productive. If you want healthy kids, don't encourage them to go to school ill!

My kids have never had nits, are rarely ill - and I credit the school who are firm that nits, worms - straight home until clear, and they'd prefer that you didn't send the kids in even with a cold when they're in infants, because they're no good at keeping it to themselves at that age. As a result, my kids have time off if they do need, it, but they very, very rarely do because no-one is under pressure to send in infectious kids!

We recently had a letter home from school listing each illness, and how long would be acceptable to have off of school, if at all.

It went in the bin. My child, my choice.

I consider myself to be a responsible parent. I want what’s best for my child. That is all anyone needs to know.

YANBU.

I have step sons in secondary school at the end of last year they both suffered from mumps. The school phoned every day!! If anyone has seen a teenager with mumps os an awful illness, yet they still called telling them they need to go back. I don't know why its changed so much now?!!

BottleOfJameson I agree with you about the middle point. I was just thinking of my daughter at 16, she could hardly get to the bathroom!

DobbinsVeil. Poor Boy! CFS is one of my collection of diagnoses. I feel so sad when I hear about a child with it. You are quite right to point out all the holiday and weekend time he loses. Poor chap! I won't go on about what he misses as it'll make you sad. But I send my warmest wishes that he will get well soon,
lots of love! Elle x

Wow. Overstepping the mark. It's your decision not theirs. If she's too unwell keep her off. So the school take the spreading of illnesses amongst children lightly, obviously. 'Push Through' indeed, if she's that ill she can hardly concentrate on her school work! Tell them to do one.
Is it any wonder she's picked up all these bugs if this is the policy of the school!

Has she had the HPV vaccine?

DD has been ill with ME for over 3 years after a bout of infections and dragging herself to school. I cannot emphasise enough how important it is to fully recover from any illness before pushing yourself. Schools do not have your DD's health in mind, only their attendance figures. You, however, do. It'll be a hard fight, but a vital one. It might also be worth doing a phased return to school to try to ward off any more infections.

I have step sons in secondary school at the end of last year they both suffered from mumps. The school phoned every day!!

...Em I’d have told them to stop harassing me or I’d be taking legal action.

Sick kids come before their rating.

We had this when my dcs were in school. My two youngest have SNs and a number of medical conditions. We were told the same thing "You send in your child, and the school will tell you if they are ill enough to go home." Absolutely not. My child, my decision.

My child's health comes first each and every time. I don't care about their attendance stats. We home educate now, so it's not an issue anyway.

They'd have had a nightmare with my mother - when we were absent from school (due to illness generally), she sent a note in the next day we were back with "XXX was absent because it was necessary." That's it.

I know she’s only 12 now, but a couple of weeks back there was a thread about a woman who had been in a similar situation to your daughter and was now facing a disciplinary at work for taking too much time off. I feel the school is being heavy handed, but it may be that, alongside trying to improve their own attendance, they are trying to prepare your daughter for the world of work where she won’t have any choice - she will just have to push through it, as unfair and disgusting as that seems to me.

I think it is a tough one.

I hate the idea of school being ‘in charge’ and, ultimately., parents need to parent. However, not all parents do parent well and it is a school’s responsibility to ensure children get a good education.

I think the school massively overstepped the mark and it is your decision not to send a poorly child into school.

It is, however, about engagement with the school. Be proactive about meetings (request them) and explain the reason behind the high absence rate. Show the school how you are helping your daughter catch up and make sure that the school are doing their bit to help (put the shoe on the other foot for a bit). Ask to see their policy about supporting students who have high absenteeism due to illness. Evidence everything! Then do exactly what you like and let them report you (they won’t as they would just look stupid).