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Original poster

he asked me to lie to her parents

260 replies

IonlySMOKEwhenIMonFIRE · 25/03/2019 13:54

Ds is turning 17 in a few weeks, he initially asked to have a few friends over which we agreed to however he changed his mind and asked for us to organise for him and a few mates to stay over night at SIL log cabin.

The cabin has been booked for the weekend after his birthday for him and 5 others including his girlfriend, ds has asked me to tell his girlfriends parents that I will be at the log cabin supervising otherwise his girlfriend won’t be allowed to attend.

Basically the back story is girlfriends dad walked in on them a few months ago and caught them in the act and has now forbidden any staying overnight with each other.

The problem is I am not going to be at the cabin and I really cant lie to her parents, I know it will ruin ds night if she is not there, would it be unreasonable to speak to her parents and try to convince them to let her attend or should I stay well out of it?

OP posts:
TheInvestigator · 27/03/2019 13:52

Yeah... He's not mature enough for a lot cabin trip with his friends. I think he's just trying to show off and get a girl there overnight so his mates will think he's big.

AnneOfCleanTables · 27/03/2019 14:06

It sounds like pulling the trip would be a good idea. It might also be time for a chat with DS about his attitude.

edgeofheaven · 27/03/2019 14:17

edgeofheaven do you think teenage pregnancy is prevented by forcing kids to sneak around to have sex or is it prevented by talking to them openly and encouraging them to be safe? They are going to do it anyway if they want to, unless you imprison them or watch them 24/7.

I reject wholly the idea that the only option when confronted with teens having sex is to roll out the red carpet and light the candles around the bed for them.

No one is telling them to sneak around. Saying “no overnights” is reasonable. They are 16. They are in school. They live in their parents homes. Obviously they’ll find a way during the times they are together but logic dictates that more sex = more chance of pregnancy. Unless the girl is on foolproof contraception which I hope to God she is.

Like I said - for some people this is quite abstract. I’ve seen what happens to a girl who falls pregnant at 16. It’s not pretty. And it’s the girl who suffers not the boy. Her parents are right to try and protect her.

TheLittleDogLaughed · 27/03/2019 14:39

edgeofheaven since when did talking to them openly and encouraging them to be safe equal roll out the red carpet and light candles around the bed for them? If you want to criticise what I said, criticise what I actually said, not your ridiculously exaggerated version of it.

TheInvestigator · 27/03/2019 14:44

TheLittleDogLaughed, unfortunately I think in this case, talking to him about being safe and responsible won't make any difference to what he does. He's said if his gf won't go then he will take his ex-gf. He doesn't scream 'responsible' to me, and if that girl ever did get pregnant you can bet he won't do a damn thing to help her because he will just find someone else. In this case, I would be banning overnights and demand that all doors remain open when they are in the house because he's not being mature at all and I wouldn't trust him to actually be safe.

LumpyPillow · 27/03/2019 15:26

Sounds like a right charmer, selfish with no regard for his gfs feelings either. You would be right to pull the plug, and to talk to him seriously about how he respects other peoples feelings and decisions. If you don't start now, theres a good chance hes on his way to being one of another million boys/'men' who think girls are disposible and treat them like toys.

If making the numbers up was true, it would have been more likely to be more lads or some genuine girl mates. Its about having some fanny there, at any cost.

YemenRoadYemen · 27/03/2019 17:24

but ds1 has just informed me that if ds2 girlfriend and her friend does not get to go to his birthday then he is inviting his ex girlfriend and her friend

Fucking hell.

What a complete shit of a child he is. The absolutely entitlement reeking out of him.

  1. He must have a girl there to shag.
  1. Ex-girlfriend will just be ready and waiting in the wings to be his blow-up doll.

FML.

Monty27 · 27/03/2019 17:34

OP maybe you should tell DP what boundaries are. He seems a bit dictatorial

Pinkyyy · 27/03/2019 18:13

You absolutely need to pull the plug. Clearly he has very questionable views on women and their worth.

Beansandcoffee · 27/03/2019 18:14

There is a big difference between knowing your child is having sex but not encouraging it ie no over nights, single bed in kids bedroom etc etc compared to allowing sleepovers at 16, providing a nice double bed for them etc. I’m aware that my child might have sex at 14/15/16 and that if they want it they will anyway but I’m not making it easy for them by providing a love nest for them in my house at 16.

Zebra31 · 27/03/2019 18:46

Op you really need to sit down with your son and have a serious discussion about his moral compass. You need to nip this behaviour in the bud. He seems to have no respect for his girlfriend and ex girlfriend. In fact, based on the fact he asked you to be complicit in his deceit, he doesn’t seem to have any respect for the position he was putting you in and for the girls parents. His using that poor girl.

agnurse · 27/03/2019 18:50

Yup. You pull the plug on the whole idea. Frankly, I would be advising him that the relationship is going to be a non-starter from now on, as obviously he has no idea of how to properly treat a GF.

Purpleartichoke · 27/03/2019 19:04

Isolation, a group of teenage boys, free-flowing alcohol. This is the kind of events where respecting consent disappears. We already teach our daughters to be wary in these scenarios, but we should really be teaching our sons too. Once alcohol is involved, the borders of consent and misunderstandings become very blurred. Yes, all too soon, these kids will be free to do whatever they want. All the more reason to be teaching them that parties like this are a bad idea at any age.

YemenRoadYemen · 27/03/2019 19:27

Time for a bit of parenting, OP.

He may not listen to you, but you've got to at least try to install some values in him.

If his girlfriend - who he presumably likes? Confused - finds out that she was so disposable, how do you think she will feel? Does he care that he'll likely (hopefully) be dumped from a great height, just for the sake of one night's worth of partying/shagging?

mathanxiety · 27/03/2019 19:36

Definitely pull the plug.

Your son is every girl's parents' nightmare.

You need to sit him down and have some very serious talks about respect on relationships and about how he is not entitled to use girls and discard them. He is not entitled to sex and he needs to hear that in no uncertain terms.

You need to find out if he pressured his current gf into sex by using the threat of leaving her and going back with his ex if she wouldn't give in. That threat wrt the weekend away came out so glibly I would bet any money that he has used it before.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 27/03/2019 19:53

if ds2 girlfriend and her friend does not get to go to his birthday then he is inviting his ex girlfriend and her friend

Maybe the attitude of the GF's parents isn't so unreasonable after all - it seems they've at least got the measure of how much he can be trusted Sad

YemenRoadYemen · 27/03/2019 20:51

You need to find out if he pressured his current gf into sex by using the threat of leaving her and going back with his ex if she wouldn't give in. That threat wrt the weekend away came out so glibly I would bet any money that he has used it before.

So true. How depressing.

And yes, to being every parent of girls' worst nightmare.

edgeofheaven · 28/03/2019 00:56

TheLittleDogLaughed same to you.

How is banning overnights forcing them to “sneak around.” And it doesn’t mean the girls parents haven’t spoken to her about sex and how to be safe. That’s just their limit on how much intimacy they want happening in their own house.

OP’s update pretty much proves that the girl’s parents are right, OP’s DS sounds like trouble and hopefully this relationship is coming to an end soon! I remember as a teenager boys would reject a girl with strict parents for one who was more available...guess why?

Kaleela · 28/03/2019 01:17

Wow at that update. DS is taking the piss.he is taking advantage of being unsupervised and making sure he gets a root!

Ragwort · 28/03/2019 06:59

What sort of man is your 16 year old DS going to grow up into? I would be ashamed if this was my DS (who is 18 and only now tentatively talking about going away with his 18 year old GF).

I suggest you cancel the whole trip.

Nanny0gg · 28/03/2019 07:43

Well, he's a peach.

Thank goodness your eldest grassed him up.

Time for a chat I think ( after you cancel the cabin)

ALittleBitofVitriol · 28/03/2019 08:00

mathanxiety

Definitely pull the plug.

Your son is every girl's parents' nightmare.

As the parent of a teen girl, a-frickin-men!

Cancel the whole thing, having a birthday doesn't entitle you to act like a misogynistic shit.
Wow.

SandyY2K · 28/03/2019 08:06

No chance I'd lie for my child, as I wouldn't want it done to me.

SandyY2K · 28/03/2019 08:16

I asked him if his girlfriend knew about this plan and he said NO

His motives seem clear to me from this.

I’m thinking about pulling the plug on the whole idea now

Good idea

It's not something I would have agreed to in the first place.

A group of children (their not adults) overnight unsupervised.... I wouldn't let my 16 yo go either.

clarrylove · 28/03/2019 08:36

Log cabins have very thin, creaky walls...

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