I need help...NOW!! - Warning Not a pleasant subject

[Cantgiveashitliterally]

OMG...Im hoping someone can help me, this is so embarassing, I feel like i have a tennis ball stuck up my bum, i cant go to the toilet and it hurts, I have been sitting on the toilet for over an hour and it feels like its coming, but...Nothing. Im sore, i feel sick and shaking. I have never felt anything like this before, somebody please tell me what to do. How can I "unblock". Ive tried walking around, drinking water, I dont know what else to do.

PS i know this sounds like a joke, but, I promise its not.

Was it a massive logger, OP??

Hi,
Am not sure if you have got relief. If not I would speak to emergency Dr. They could advise best.
Given you are unlikely to have laxatives, v strong sweet coffee, Apple juice, grapes, prunes . Massage and drink plenty .
Hope you feel better soon.

20 B&H Gold per day keeps me regular.

OP I've been there once. Feeling of sudden death by poo. Was truly fucking horrible & extremely painful. I was already constipated & after a good dose of cocodamol I ended up in the unfortunate position you are currently in.

Well let me tell you that I learnt from that 'shituation' I learnt that glycerin suppositories are A MUST in the bathroom cabinet for instances such as this.

Hobble off to a 24 hour chemist & purchase the goods, you will thanks us who suggested these.

OP I truly feel for you, absolutely agony

Was it a boy or a girl?

Many years ago I used to drink coke and it literally went through me-it could help

I've had this a few times , I wasn't constipated as such just an awful shaped Pooh 😷. I felt awful shaking , faint and my legs went weird, I thought I'd be found passed out in a pool of pooh. After about 3 hours of lying on the bathroom floor with cold flannels on my face it shifted such relief and pain !

@loubieloulou All cleared now, but thank you for the tip
@BakedBeeeen obviously a male, no woman would put another woman through so much pain

I reckon you definitely need to up your vegetable intake girl x

I'm glad you've "been".

But I shall post what I was going to say anyway.

I thought I was constipated a year or so ago. Nothing seemed to shift and the pain and pressure was getting worse. I was literally crying in pain and almost hallucinating and DP was about to take me to A & E when the real cause became apparent. It was a huge abcess and the fever was almost certainly the onset of sepsis according to the doctor. Once the abscess burst the pain was gone. Going to the loo was still uncomfortable for a few days but I recovered. I was told I was lucky. The doctor also told me that she has seen a huge rise in this happening due to excessive hair removal these days.

I would recommend lactolose. When I’m really bunged up I take 30mls, my tummy swells, I look pregnant, I smell like something rotten, but within an hour it’s all out. And the relief!😊

My first real ‘constipation episode’ was coming home from hospital having been on morphine all week and no one had given me any laxatives. So a male nurse came to do my discharge papers and I said I haven’t been in 7 days, he was annoyed I hadn’t be given any laxatives, so arranged them for me.

I got home and needed to go before I had a change to take a sachet. OMG I thought I was giving birth. I was crying, screaming, sobbing- I’ve never felt pain like it. My next door neighbour came around because of the noise

But I took the sachet (sat on the toilet), I don’t recall what it was, but within 20 minutes it was pouring out of me. I always thought constipation just meant you struggled to push a poo out. I never realised how horribly unwell it made you feel, the headache it gave you, the stomach pain and so on. I’m glad you got your little friend out OP!

I’ve had this before op so you have my utter sympathy.
When it finally passed it was like a full sized butternut squash. The memory of it still makes me shudder and brings tears to my eyes

Did you need a toilet knife?

Photo, or it didn’t happen. 😉

Cor I bet you feel light as air OP.

Sugary water.

When my daughter was constipated as a child, we were on holiday in a caravan and she wouldn't stop crying. An old lady from the next caravan to see if there was a problem. She suggested warm water with as much sugar in as would dissove in it. Within half an hour the blockage was gone, but it was quite explosive!! A real old-wives that worked.

If you have no lactulose in the house it's worth a try (then phone the docs if no better).

It's not senna you need, you have no trouble forming the poo. It is lubrication, so.. lactulose or just swallow down some oily stuff, olive oil........... sunflower oil, grim as fuck but that will be what smooths the passage.

Glad it has landed and hope you are feeling better and lighter.
I sobbed my way through most of this thread.
Thank you for sharing.

In care homes they use soapy fingers up the bum

Bloody hell! Is this what we have too look forward too

" hook it around, it will be capable of coming out when it's breached it's opening" 🤣🤣🤣😂😂🤣😂

And now, I can finally go to bed!!! Relived With the update poo 💩

Goodnight all 👀

OP, congratulations. Keep hydrated and eat regularly fruits with the skin on, seeds and nuts. You need fiber.

I am worried that tomorrow we may find DM have published a few life hacks from this thread although they usually stick to the Australian health experts.

Fibogel. Best thing ive used.

People, please, do not use shower hoses. It really needs to be a sterile tool designated for the purpose.

I also agree that after childbirth this was the most painful thing that happened to me. Glad it’s all done with OP