I need help...NOW!! - Warning Not a pleasant subject

[Cantgiveashitliterally]

OMG...Im hoping someone can help me, this is so embarassing, I feel like i have a tennis ball stuck up my bum, i cant go to the toilet and it hurts, I have been sitting on the toilet for over an hour and it feels like its coming, but...Nothing. Im sore, i feel sick and shaking. I have never felt anything like this before, somebody please tell me what to do. How can I "unblock". Ive tried walking around, drinking water, I dont know what else to do.

PS i know this sounds like a joke, but, I promise its not.

What a relief

What did you name it?

This is better than a live birth thread! Hope you deliver your bundle of joy (relief??) soon.

I do empathise, OP, and sometimes the manual approach/ pushing gently through the vagina wall is the only way to get relief.

@Heathcliff27 It certainly was.

GReat news.

Now eat your veggies!!

@trulybadlydeeply Ooh, i never thought of a name, any ideas?

Xposts, congratulations OP Have you decided on a name?!

Brill! Just noticed your name!

Donald?

"ScarletBitch
@Omzlas I very much doubt you did, your vagina wall would prevent you doing a manual evacuation. hmm"

No, it wouldn't. It's not a brick wall, it's a thin piece of tissue, especially if it's been weakened by childbirth.

@greenpop21 Good choice, very apt.

The Mahoosive Mumsnasty

I used to work in a nursing home and one of the old boys there used to tell us ‘I haven’t seen my little brown friend for a few days’ if he was constipated. I’ve thought of poo as being a little brown friend for years until my dsis pointed out to me it was probably horrifically racist

The mighty sploosh? 💩

OP, glad to hear it's finally out.

Get yourself a box of Laxido orange sachets, and when you haven't been for a couple of days, have one or two sachets in a small glass of water. Don't leave it for so long before taking action, or you're going to keep being in this position. I've ended up with a stay in hospital due to constipation (caused by my medication). It had got to the point, where I couldn't eat, because I was so full. So you need to keep on top of this.

You also need to change your diet, to get more fibre into you, and make sure you're drinking enough fluid, to keep things soft, and moving.

Proper lol'ing at the E suggestion.......t'is true though

Do you have a shower that you can alter the head spray on? If so, set it to directional spray (the one where the water comes out hard and fast in the middle of the head).
Hop into the shower, hot water (as hot as you can stand) and direct up and around your anus.
Should help relieve pain and loosen any movement stuck up there.
A bit like pressure jetting the area.
See doctor when you can.

@Motoko I know my diet is poor, i do enjoy fruit and veg, but (a lame excuse I know) its just easier to throw something in the oven. I will definitely make an effort to eat more ruffage now, I dont want another night and day like today.

Also, with these sachets that everyone has said about, whens the best time to take them? How quick do they work? I dont want to be caught short at work, or on the school run...god, imagine?

Dulcolax and Kellogg’s all bran, 2 big bowls

Oh god i feel for you.

I lied to the midwife after dc3 and said i had had a bowel movement so i could go home. I didn't go for 6 days, the labouring of this poo took much longer than Dc3.

To be honest, taking a deep draw on a fat cuban cigar works immediately, even though it is a bit extreme.

Glad it's sorted. For anyone reading this with minor constipation, dark chocolate (DP calls it "posh chocolate" - the sort with 80% cocoa) and very strong coffee works for me. Though eating an entire giant bar of Galaxy worked too one time.

An easy way to up your veggies OP might be to keep a giant bag of spinach in the fridge and just add it to sauces, curries - everything.

Hooray! 😅

I would never have believed how painful this could be until it happened to me last year. It was on a par with early labour pain.

I now have Dulcolax in the medicine cabinet and would neck it at the earliest sign of the horror ever returning.

@yorkshirepud44 It is horrendous. Nothing like it, apart from labour of course.