to ask my sister to let my daughter live with her?

[EleanorEclipse]

My daughter is 22 and she graduated last year. We live in Manchester and she's received a fabulous job offer in London. Unfortunately, despite the job being closely aligned with her professional interests and providing an excellent first step into her chosen industry, the salary isn't really enough to sustain her in London (we've looked at rents, even for small or shared rooms) and I'm not in a position to help her, as much as I'd love to. My sister lives in Ealing though. She has a big, 4 bedroomed house and lives alone (she's 55 and divorced, no kids). We're not super close but we've always got on and been on good terms, although we're very different people: she was much more career-orientated than me.
I would like to ask my sister whether my daughter could live with her for a year or two. AIBU? And if not, how do you recommend I go about it? It seems like the perfect solution, and it's a big house so it's not as though they'd be in living each other's pockets.

I think what's going on here is that your daughter has envisioned a certain standard of accommodation and lifestyle for herself in London. Living in a grotty houseshare in zone 5 or 6 isn't it. But that's all she can afford.

If she's this entitled and unrealistic about life, she is going to be a PITA for your DSIS to live with. I probably wouldn't even offer someone like that even a couple of weeks to start with. The next thing your DSIS will know is her niece will be making every excuse under the sun as to why she hasn't found somewhere else to stay once her time is up.

This has Cheeky Fucker written all over it!

It's one thing to rent a room in a relative's house but quite another to expect to be able to invite every Tom, Dick and Harry round.

It would be a no from me for that alone. VVU of your DD to even think that would be ok.

i wouldnt even be thinking of inviting my friends round! if I was ur dd I would be feeling bloody bloody lucky and want to creep around silently for a while.then wait til da might say "you no people can come round " etc once we had settled.
and I wouldn't be setting my sights on her house.id have looked at elsewhere felt helpless with it for now and be appreciatively desperate for da help so feel soooo lucky to be able to even ask.

To be honest I think DD has set her sights on her aunt's house. She likes the location, and thinks it would be a good base for her and she'd enjoy having friends round etc. The idea came from her, although she doesn't see her aunt that much so she asked me to think about it and intercede on her behalf.

Based on this post I think this is a wind up. No sane person would genuinely think she's set her sights on it or she likes the location, and thinks it would be a good base for her and she'd enjoy having friends round are an acceptable way of thinking about this.

My first cousin’s daughter was planning on coming to London for the summer (2 months). The first words that came out of my mouth were: It’d be lovely to have her for lunch one Sunday. That way I was nipping in the bud any questions about staying with us!
Seems like your sister has done the same or at the very least it never entered her head that she should be housing your DD.

People learn to make London work. Yes rent is expensive but it's expensive for everyone renting.

If your sister wanted her to stay, she'd have offered. Note her reaction to knowing your cf daughter was going to be down here wasn't about having your daughter in her own house at all - it was about meeting her out and about.

If I were your sister I'd say no. It's very different living as a lodger to living at home and it's pretty clear your daughter will treat the house as her home. No way.

Spareroom.co.uk is your friend

She likes the location, and thinks it would be a good base for her and she'd enjoy having friends round etc.

It sounds like a part of the reason DD is so keen on this idea is that she envisions herself having the opportunity to show off to her friends living in less-than-ideal accommodations. That aside, if I were her DA, I definitely wouldn't want a bunch of randoms in my house! What an intrusion.

What will your DDs salary be? Have she looked in zone 3/4/5/6? A room in a shared house with all bills included will be much cheaper outside zones 1 and 2.

*has not have

How much is the salary op?

I think it’s fine to ask. But I’d expect her to say no. Maybe you could ask her if she knows anyone looking for a housemate.

This is hilarious, seems like your newly graduated DD is seeing your aunts house as her first adult “house share” but much nicer and in a great area than those her student friends may be going into. She already sees herself on equal footing as the existing occupant (your aunt) by getting excited about brings friends round, presumably to show off her lucky house share and socialise.

She seems errrr more than a bit entitled.

I agree with pp who suggested the rent a room option. Asking to go and live with her and pay her way (whatever that is) while she has friends round for two years would be a no go for me.

I'm older than 55 but wouldn't want that sort of intrusion, I'd struggle for 2 months never mind 2 years. Her auntie has her own life and just might not want anyone else in her home never mind friends of her niece. If she did she would have offered.

However if she asked if her auntie was willing to rent her a room for 6 months until she found herself somewhere else to live then auntie could make rules as she could for any other lodger but your DD might not find that such an attractive option. And if auntie says no then she will just have to stick to lunch and shopping trips.

My niece is coming to stay with me, the minute I heard she had a job in the city, I offered our spare room, neither she nor her parents had to ask.

If I didn't want her to stay with me, I would have responded like your sister did !

I think from your sister response you can be sure she doesn't want your DD staying with her.

My DD managed in a house share in London earning 21k. What will your DDs salary be?

I think you, or better still, your DD could ask if DD could stay for one month while she finds somewhere permanent to live.

If aunt is loving DDs company then she will surely invite her to stay longer. If not, then it's just a month and it allows your DD to find her feet and make a careful choice about where to live.

One or two years is insane. It doesn't sound like DA is rushing to offer accomodation so don't push it.

At 22 your dd should ask her aunt herself.

However if she is fantasising already about bringing friends home she needs to be brought down to earth quickly. I'd give my niece a spare room but I would not allow randoms in my house so bringing friends over would be out of the question. Your DSis might be ok with guests but your dd should know that it us not her house and, if offered, she'd have to live by your aunt's rules.

Also, loads of grads houseshare. It is perfectly possible to do so on most grad salaries unless they are narrow and would only consider Clapham and the like.

The daughter does sound entitled. She has the aunt's house "in her sights", is imagining bringing friends back but doesn't even want to do the asking for herself. And two years!

It would do her good to stand on her own two feet and pay her way. If she herself works hard, has a successful career and ends up in a big house in London that she's earned for herself so much the better.

We had my husband’s niece live with us for a year (in the week only), so I’m certainly not against the idea, but it’s a different kettle of fish having someone there all the time (my sister lived with us for a few months).
Also, we offered.

I think you could ask for a month but two years?! No.
Clearly your dd is already looking at her options, bedsit or lovely big house, understandable her fancying the big house, but no. Part of moving to London and starting her career is to stand on her own two feet. She’s not even approached her aunt herself. She sounds quite entitled tbh.

Sorry, but if I was your sister, no way would I want to be sharing my personal space with anybody. And definitely not for that length of a time.

I'd start with "It is absolutely fine for you to say no to this" and also state that she doesn't have to answer on the spot, give her some time - even a couple of hours - to answer.

She might be lonely or she might absolutely love having her space - you won't know till you ask.

Also, if she does say no, keep your side of it and do not hold it against her.

Good luck!

Would your dd be the perfect house guest? If not I wouldn't ask as it will be awkward/difficult when sister is irritated by dd not tidying up/eating all the food/inviting guests over. 2 years is a long time.

If your dd is exceptionally good at using initiative to look after herself and would be very grateful/appreciative and not take the piss I would ask. But I would ask in such a way that yous sister knows it is fine to say no.

She already sees herself on equal footing as the existing occupant (your aunt) by getting excited about brings friends round

Oh, and this