Hairdresser = old bully.

[FirstNameSurname]

I went to a new hairdressers today. Booked with a senior stylist "Sarah". When I arrive I was greeted and sat in a chair, receptionist explains the stylist is running late and points over at her. She is my old school/teen bully. Her bullying was severe and prolonged, ended with me hating secondary school and then leaving college early and isolating myself. I am now in my 30's but it still brings back a sick/nervous feeling. Seeing Sarah again completely shook me. She looked over and smiled at me and went back to doing the other person's hair. I gave my full, unusual name at booking and felt she was expecting me.

I got up and returned to reception, asking for the manager. I explained to the manager that I was a new client and the back story. I told her I wasnt comfortable with having my hair cut by Sarah and asked for a different person or to cancel. I was told that no other stylists were available. Options offered were pay a £10 cancellation/non attendance fee or have Sarah and manager would keep an eye on us. I again declined and told them I wouldn't pay to cancellation fee. They then offered a junior stylist but told me I would still need to pay the senior stylist fee as that's what I had booked but now declined.

I left saying I would take the cancellation fee issue up with the owner if she calls me, when I left they were clearly unhappy.

I've checked the website and social media, there are no pictures of Sarah so I couldn't have known it was her before arriving. If I knew I would have cancelled.

If/when owner calls do I complain about how its being handled and refuse to pay, pay up and complain or just block and ignore? I'm swaying towards paying and complaining but I hate the idea of paying my bully any money.

I understand that the situation isn’t the salons fault but they should have the basic compassion and customer service not to fine someone for experiencing trauma and avoiding their abuser. Some people don’t seem to realise that bullying is not just teasing but can be sustained emotional and physical abuse and extremely traumatic. OP shouldn’t have to pay because she didn’t want someone like that using sharp objects around her head! I understand they have a policy but this is a specific circumstance under which they should use their discretion to waive it. Some people just don’t understand how hard it is to stand up to someone after you have been through something like that, looking at this incident in isolation you might think oh why can’t they just let the £10 fine go but this is on top of letting a lot of totally unfair treatment go in the past so if someone stands up and decide they don’t want to do that anymore, that they have rights and that they can express and assert themselves then you should support that because that is worth a hell of a lot more than £10. Someone shouldn’t be penalised for protecting themselves.

You've never been the victim of protracted bullying campaign, I am guessing?

Speaking to Sarah would have felt a bit like standing in front of a lorry in the middle lane of a busy motorway.... watching and just waiting for it to hit!

Sorry, was to CabbageHippy

I would of given Sarah the opportunity to apologise

I wouldn’t. I was bullied at school by 2 girls and a boy. One of the girls sent me a FB friend request a few years back - I deleted it straight away. Nothing she could say to me now can take away the misery she and her friends inflicted on me, but I’ve moved on now and she deserves neither my time nor my energy.

I was bullied badly at school by two boys.

Yes they may have changed now, but it doesn't take away what they did to me at school. The emotional distress they put me through which effected me into adulthood.

If I was OP I would have done the same, declined the service and walked out.

“OPs past was it’s nothing to do with the salon”

It is the only reason the salon lost business that day. It absolutely IS their business, if the OP explained that person’s past actions are the reason she doesn’t want her services. Most salons rent a chair to the hairdresser on a percentage basis. And if her past is going to get her a reputation in the local community and other people avoid her, it directly impacts the salon’s reputation in too.

Oh and I agree “Sarah” could have completely avoided all of this by rearranging and making sure OP saw another professional. The woman wanted a confrontation and she got one.

Well done for being brave and standing up for yourself. I hope one day to come face to face with my school bully and give her a hypothetical slap in the face. I hope she's thoroughly ashamed of herself. Treat yourself with the £10 and don't give the bitch a second thought.

Good for you!
Definitely tell them you won't be paying the cancellation fee as you were on a deadline and the stylist was running late - any fee due should be taken from the stylist salary.

Well done you for standing your ground!
People who have never been bullied don't understand the lasting impact it can have on your life.
If they pursue the £10, I would say that I will donate it to an anti-bullying charity on their behalf.

I know they say that people can change, but not all do. Some are bullies for life. You could've walked out of the hairdressers with a disappointing hairstyle if she's still a nasty person.

Well done OP. The salon has no leg to stand on as far as the cancellation fee is concerned though. I have walked from appointments when they run late over a certain length of time, even without such an additional and very valid reason. If I make an appointment, I expect to be seen in a timely manner. I doubt if I run late for the same amount of time, the salon would be as accommodating. In essence, the salon broke its own implied contractual obligation.

Have her sacked because she was a bully 15 years ago?
Bullying should be like a criminal record?
What planet are you guys on.
The OP has every right to decline her services but it is not the salon's fault and that slot could have been filled by another paying customer.
Of course the salon will not chase you for 10 pounds and it is unlikely that sarah will face any sanction for this.

I am not the person I was in school.

Maybe Sarah isn’t either. People do change.

You had a right to walk away. You could have used any excuse, felt sick, received text message. If they chase for the money, ignore

It sounds from what you’ve said that Sarah knew you were coming and deliberately wanted to make you uncomfortable and had primed her colleagues to back her up.

Tell the salon they can see you in court and leave some bad reviews.

I think the words that will be useful for you are "professional boundaries"! Professionals generally don't treat/see as clients people with whom they have a personal connection. I would have thought that, particularly on seeing your unusual name, Sarah might have remembered her professional boundaries and made sure another hairdresser could see you....

You have done the right thing - they can either deduct £10 from her wages or add it to her chair rent.

Five years ago, I moved house and the conveyancing secretary happened to be one of a group of girls who had bullied me at school. She knew who I was but tried to make out she didn't know me and I had some fun seeing her squirm when I asked, in a naice friendly voice, if she was xxx and asked, don't you remember me from school? I even managed to use the MN head tilt.

I can understand not wanting to have her do your hair, but I would have paid the cancellation fee. I also wouldn't have given them all the details, but it sounds like you didn't do that and I think what you said was good. I doubt they will chase you up for the ten pounds tbh.

For the record, I was bullied for seven years at school by the same group of girls. A long and sustained campaign. I still don't hate them or wish ill on them (or indeed anyone).

Christ Bejam that REALLY wasn't at all helpful! Probably not true either!

Sarah may will have changed from when she was at school but the Op. obviously didn't feel comfortable with Sarah cutting her hair and it was her prerogative to ask for someone else.

The Op. was willing to pay for a service but not willing for Sarah to provide that service. The salon couldn't offer an alternative stylist of equal calibre so the Op. rightly so, left the salon.

As the Op. didn't cancel the appointment but chose not to have Sarah cut her hair then she shouldn't pay a cancellation fee.

Well done OP. The salon has no leg to stand on as far as the cancellation fee is concerned though. I have walked from appointments when they run late over a certain length of time, even without such an additional and very valid reason. If I make an appointment, I expect to be seen in a timely manner. I doubt if I run late for the same amount of time, the salon would be as accommodating. In essence, the salon broke its own implied contractual obligation

Exactly.

You did the right thing, and I wouldn't pay a cancellation fee under the circumstances either.

If they do call you to pursue it, be more honest. Be blunt. Tell them she was a vile bully to you at school, that you even left school early because of it, and while they are welcome to employ who they like you will not have your hair cut by her. Ever.

Well done OP
I don’t even know you but feel very proud of you on behalf of all of us that have been bullied in some way or another!
And f**k paying that cancellation fee, cheeky buggers!!!!

I'm glad you didn't pay the fee too! Bullies need to realise there are consequences and even if the actions were done when they were younger it can affect their later life ..... in this instance losing a client!
If your name is unusual then I suspect she would have known who you were

When the hairdresser is told why you left hopefully she will feel as humiliated as you did all those years ago. well done for turning the tables back on her. Maybe she will be aware when she has customers in the future because bullies rarely target just one person.