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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Hairdresser = old bully.

310 replies

FirstNameSurname · 21/03/2019 13:16

I went to a new hairdressers today. Booked with a senior stylist "Sarah". When I arrive I was greeted and sat in a chair, receptionist explains the stylist is running late and points over at her. She is my old school/teen bully. Her bullying was severe and prolonged, ended with me hating secondary school and then leaving college early and isolating myself. I am now in my 30's but it still brings back a sick/nervous feeling. Seeing Sarah again completely shook me. She looked over and smiled at me and went back to doing the other person's hair. I gave my full, unusual name at booking and felt she was expecting me.

I got up and returned to reception, asking for the manager. I explained to the manager that I was a new client and the back story. I told her I wasnt comfortable with having my hair cut by Sarah and asked for a different person or to cancel. I was told that no other stylists were available. Options offered were pay a £10 cancellation/non attendance fee or have Sarah and manager would keep an eye on us. I again declined and told them I wouldn't pay to cancellation fee. They then offered a junior stylist but told me I would still need to pay the senior stylist fee as that's what I had booked but now declined.

I left saying I would take the cancellation fee issue up with the owner if she calls me, when I left they were clearly unhappy.

I've checked the website and social media, there are no pictures of Sarah so I couldn't have known it was her before arriving. If I knew I would have cancelled.

If/when owner calls do I complain about how its being handled and refuse to pay, pay up and complain or just block and ignore? I'm swaying towards paying and complaining but I hate the idea of paying my bully any money.

OP posts:
Bellabellabel · 22/03/2019 23:12

I think they should have let you choose to have the junior stylist do it at the junior rate. Why not!? I think that was unfair of them.

Scoobydos51 · 22/03/2019 23:32

Greatduckcookery. I think you're outnumbered here and clearly you have never been bullied or you would understand exactly how she feels.

You did the correct thing OP. That sick feeling never goes away when you've been bullied! Why would you let her near you?

beanaseireann · 23/03/2019 00:38

I always think bullies are unhappy in their own lives. If you are happy you are not going to be nasty to others.
As another poster said OP - You rock Thanks

Vivianebrezilletbrooks · 23/03/2019 01:37

Stand your ground, don't pay the £10. They won't chase you for it. I personally believe school bullies don't change. Spend the money on something better.

honeyrider · 23/03/2019 01:55

Bullies rarely change, school bullies often go on to be work place bullies too.

OP you did the right thing.

CheshireChat · 23/03/2019 02:26

I'm baffled why the OP, as a victim, should allow the bully to make amends when she isn't interested.

The onus to apologize is on the bully and then their victim can decide how they feel about it, they aren't owed anything and if they feel terrible about it or it damages their reputation... Oh well, actions have consequences, it's not like the OP tried to run her over!

cstaff · 23/03/2019 02:40

Well done OP. You are streets ahead of this loser. The fact that she was looking at you expecting a drama speaks volumes. She hasn't changed but I reckon this has backfired on her as she probably expected you to be the same as you were in school and would be too scared to stand up to her. Now just get her out of your head and forget about her forever. Evil cow.

Seahorseshoe · 23/03/2019 03:50

I'm sorry this happened to you but, you beauty! If you'd have gone along with this, it would have eaten you up. You showed her true colours and no way should you pay the fee.

Never met you but I'm so proud of you for leaving and not paying.

🦸‍♀️ x

Ilnome · 23/03/2019 03:50

You are braver than I ever could be - well done for standing your ground, from someone that was also bullied Flowers

Sissyjd · 23/03/2019 04:08

Ok i was bullied at school & by my uwn dad as many were, and have as an adult, met a few old school bullies since, inwardly smiling at how they're lives may not be all that, or finding what nicier adults some became. Yes it happens ...but maybe just maybe she didnt recognise you and in your understandable panic you imagined her 'gleeful look'?? She just smiled at her next client as far as you know. But well done for asserting yourself...move on and maybe look at self esteem/confidence boosting as these feeling you are still experiencing are no longer needed. Smile

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 23/03/2019 04:49

I don't think you needed to tell her boss at all. It has nothing to do with he boss, it ws years ago at school and that may now negatively affect her view on the employee.

You had two options:

Cancel the appointment and pay or get on with it, it's a haircut and she probably wouldn't have remembered you.

AdoreTheBeach · 23/03/2019 07:06

I think I would have left also. Having your hair done is very personal and you would be on edge, cringing possibly panicking at the touch of your former abuser. She would at times be running her fingers through your hair. No, wouldn’t have it. Same would apply for any type of service that they’d need to touch me.

Maybeitsjustmeor · 23/03/2019 07:44

I had someone who bullied me badly do my hair luckily she was just the person who washed it but she did bring it up and was rough with me. I was in Yr 7 and she was in six form when it started so was a big age gap and I remember when I saw her I just froze. Amazing you had the courage to walk out. I wouldn't pay and explain why if they really want to know. Worst case you won't be allowed back there but doubt you wana go there now anyway.

Aveeno2017 · 23/03/2019 08:38

Well done OP...how can they force you to pay a cancellation fee? Do they know where you live? I bet there are a few former bullies on this thread saying to you "it happened years ago when they were kids"

malificent7 · 23/03/2019 08:58

I would have told the manager about the bullying...why the hell not?!
You needed to give a reason for not wanting her...and you gave a perfectly valid one.

Failbydefault · 23/03/2019 09:24

It’s likely that Sarah has rented the chair from the owner of the salon. This seems to be common practice now at least in London. She won’t get paid for your booking but will still have to pay the rent. I doubt the salon will call for the £10. If they do use the running late idea. Well done op!

Dungeondragon15 · 23/03/2019 09:26

Can't believe anyone thinks OP should have kept quiet about the bullying. She needed to give a reason to leave the shop so why not give the true reason? I am also amazed anyone thinks she should pay the cancellation fee but then I wouldn't do that anyway unless I wanted to go there again.

Dungeondragon15 · 23/03/2019 09:30

I don't think you needed to tell her boss at all. It has nothing to do with he boss, it ws years ago at school and that may now negatively affect her view on the employee.

Why should OP protect the bully from her employer having a "negative view". If the employer sees her more negatively because she was a bully then it is her own fault not the OPs.

Dungeondragon15 · 23/03/2019 09:34

Greatduckcookery. I think you're outnumbered here and clearly you have never been bullied or you would understand exactly how she feels.

More likely that the people defending the bully were bullies themselves. I have never been bullied but can see no reason why OP should have to have her hair cut by someone who bullied her. I think the suggestion that she should pay £10 to avoid it is outrageous.

CountArthursgroupie · 23/03/2019 10:41

She won't be sacked for her previous behaviour, but perhaps the owner or manager will be on their guard now. So well done OP, you may have prevented someone else from being bullied by giving the salon a head's up. As for the tenner ~ I think you deserve a nice Flowers and Cake

SeeYouLaterUserData · 23/03/2019 10:52

You did great, OP. And the salon really handled it badly.

liamhemsworthsrealwife · 23/03/2019 12:54

I had my highschool bully try to add me on Facebook Hmm
When I denied her friend request she sent me a message abusing me and insulting me with the same language/insults she used in school. She is still the same pathetic bully she always was. You did the right thing.

Earthakitty · 23/03/2019 13:41

I would have gone to the appointment. And I would have sat there and said very loudly so everyone in the place could hear, along the lines of " Do you remember what a bully you were ? You made my life a misery....are you still a thoroughly evil piece of work....do you still bully people and get off on it ? Etc etc.
Then got up and walked out.
Public humiliation is the best form of revenge .
But you didn't do that so tell them they can whistle for their cancellation fee.
Do not allow yourself to be bullied all over again !!!!

honeybee88 · 23/03/2019 13:44

Leaving a bad review is not bullying. It is how she feels about the way she was treated. Salon dealt with it very badly. I am a mobile hairdresser. If you live near Derby I will come and do your hair for free! You deserve it for standing up to your bully after all these years.

HarrysOwl · 23/03/2019 13:49

I bumped into my school bully, very randomly, at an ATM.

I was really startled.
"Oh, hi." (Them)
"Hi." (Me)
"It's been years, hasn't it?"
"Yup. You made my life a misery."
"Shit. I did. I remember...well. God. I'm so sorry."
"Right."
"Would you...could I buy you a drink? Could we talk? If that's okay."

I said yes. We walked to a nearby pub and she bought us both a couple of drinks and we talked for almost three hours.

She apologised, explained she thought about it often and although it wasn't an excuse, she had a shit time at home (which I did too) and we put things to rest. We didn't become friends or speak again but I felt a real sense of closure, and if I bumped into her again I'd smile.

Forgiving and understanding her made me feel...lighter.

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