Hairdresser = old bully.

[FirstNameSurname]

I went to a new hairdressers today. Booked with a senior stylist "Sarah". When I arrive I was greeted and sat in a chair, receptionist explains the stylist is running late and points over at her. She is my old school/teen bully. Her bullying was severe and prolonged, ended with me hating secondary school and then leaving college early and isolating myself. I am now in my 30's but it still brings back a sick/nervous feeling. Seeing Sarah again completely shook me. She looked over and smiled at me and went back to doing the other person's hair. I gave my full, unusual name at booking and felt she was expecting me.

I got up and returned to reception, asking for the manager. I explained to the manager that I was a new client and the back story. I told her I wasnt comfortable with having my hair cut by Sarah and asked for a different person or to cancel. I was told that no other stylists were available. Options offered were pay a £10 cancellation/non attendance fee or have Sarah and manager would keep an eye on us. I again declined and told them I wouldn't pay to cancellation fee. They then offered a junior stylist but told me I would still need to pay the senior stylist fee as that's what I had booked but now declined.

I left saying I would take the cancellation fee issue up with the owner if she calls me, when I left they were clearly unhappy.

I've checked the website and social media, there are no pictures of Sarah so I couldn't have known it was her before arriving. If I knew I would have cancelled.

If/when owner calls do I complain about how its being handled and refuse to pay, pay up and complain or just block and ignore? I'm swaying towards paying and complaining but I hate the idea of paying my bully any money.

I agree with you totally

I would have done much the same as you did , perhaps if they do contact you you can say that as you were severely bullied by "Sarah " you

A) Absolutely do not trust her near you let alone with a weapon like a pair of scissors

B) have no wish for further contact with her

C) Surprised that they employ someone who potentially can give their business such a negative image

Please find yourself another much nicer salon and be quite honest about it to the new salon ( in case she looks for employment there in the future )

honeybee88
That's so nice of you

Honeybee that's a very kind offer

Well done you for standing firm, and no way would I pay the fee.

I’m really glad you left, OP. This is an exceptional circumstance so I don’t think they should get the cancellation fee (or have asked for it, actually, but I suppose unusual for them too). I get what you mean about just giving it if they ask, though.

Must have been horrible. Well done.

Well done OP on standing your ground, that was very brave of you. I have always been a quiet person and don't like confrontation which can be a bad thing. I have forced myself to be more vocal but sometimes go red and back down. At my age- nearly 50 - feel should be better at it! Had a run in last year with someone at work who just took a dislike to me, ended up having an argument, thankfully they have now left!

Have moved to a different departments in the same work place, someone pointed out recently that they were shocked at the way some people spoke to me. I don't know if I am just used to it but said I will argue back if pushed. It's a bit of a wake up call, the comments a PP made about giving off certain "vibes" must be true.
If anyone can give any advice on dealing with bullying behaviour and difficult people I would be very grateful!

Also do not pay any money OP!

HarrysOwl

I had a similar exchange with my school bully about 4 years ago. I was friend requested by her when I was on FB and as we had a few mutual friends via school I thought hmmm ok why not? In the meantime she'd found her birth father, changed her name to his surname and changed her first name too.

She lived about an hour away from me and was in the process of studying as a mature student about 3 hour travel distance from me. After being friends with her on FB and seeing a few of her posts I sent her an email saying, as I felt at the time that I forgave her for what she'd done. She then wanted us to meet up for 'closure', for coffee and she explained in her FB message to me that like your bully, she'd gone through a shit time at home (she was 14/15) and had been bullied by her own mother. I ummed and ahhed about meeting up with her but then strangely enough I did feel uncomfortable about doing this - I suppose I felt I had the power back in this situation. But I also didn't want her to twist things with me. I decided from then on not to meet up with her. I actually worked near where she lived (but she was living and studying away from this area at the time) for a year and she has now moved back to the area and is apparently waitressing in a central area so I could potentially bump into her. I suppose if I did bump into her by accident, depending on my mood, I'd speak to her etc. But, call it protecting myself or something, I really didn't want (especially after she tried to sell me her alternative therapy sessions and then also did some pyramid selling stuff) to get into a planned meeting with her.

Strangely enough - before she went and studied via FB and they then went on FB - she posted some videos of a very trying time she'd been to re being depressed etc and this culminated in her deciding to become a mature student etc. She posted approx. 6 videos in total and yes, she was/is troubled and was trying to work her way through these issues.

It's hard though as I was teased for wearing glasses when at primary school and was introverted then and when I was bullied in secondary school - by a 'friend' but very briefly etc - and then this bully, I'm sure maybe via the 'teasing' I gave off vibes. But I also think via the bullies, this girl didn't have to do what she did at the time to me, didn't have to be unpleasant - we started off as friends again.

IRanSoFarAway - if you see this now - CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), this helped me a lot recently for a workplace bullying event though I didn't have much of this, also an assertiveness course, but I had this years ago in my early 20s.

Also, I hate to say this - but realising that not everyone is the same as the bullies but arguing back etc can come across as defensive - that's where I think the assertiveness training can come in useful. I've been told in the past I can be 'defensive' but that's hardly surprising is it?!

Well done OP!!!! X

MadameDD thank you, I should maybe look into CBT and assertiveness training. Hopefully it will help, it's hard not to be defensive though!

IRanSoFarAway - I think for years I tried to 'cope' with my bullying by myself.

Ii was bullied at 18 in work but ignored it and just left there eventually. It was only in my late 30's that I was bullied at work - I hadn't yet met my DH but my bullies (one of them at least) tried to 'help' me in dating etc. In this job the owner of the company (very small company) was also close friends with both bullies - one of whom worked for us on and off. When I brought up the bullying this was denied and then I actually got angry and ended up with a verbal warning (yes ironic!) - I knew that as I had to stay there until I could leave that I had to do something and my brother and DM suggested therapy - found a great therapist not too far from my work and went once a week after work, also a charity so not expensive. I can honestly say this saved my life. My CBT strategies helped me to deal with the bullies at work and the bullies were thrown as they couldn't work out why I was now unaffected and so nice at work - I treated it almost now as being an 'actress' at work. When I left after 1 year of therapy I had turned myself around at work - so much so that my boss begged me not to leave and my bullying colleague said she was sorry I was leaving at work and said the same at my leaving party and apologised to me - albeit drunkenly! I did get some insights into why I was bullied but with the school bully I don't think she'd contacted me then so I didn't address that one - maybe mentioned it briefly to the counsellor.

From being really down about myself though and almost suicidal I went to being able to apply for work and got a new job after the therapy had finished. Honestly IRan - give it a go - at least the CBT - you won't know the benefits until you try and most of us - well me, I thought I could 'cope' and deal with it myself. The aftermath though as someone else mentioned in this thread is truly awful and can affect one for years to come.