Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hairdresser = old bully.

310 replies

FirstNameSurname · 21/03/2019 13:16

I went to a new hairdressers today. Booked with a senior stylist "Sarah". When I arrive I was greeted and sat in a chair, receptionist explains the stylist is running late and points over at her. She is my old school/teen bully. Her bullying was severe and prolonged, ended with me hating secondary school and then leaving college early and isolating myself. I am now in my 30's but it still brings back a sick/nervous feeling. Seeing Sarah again completely shook me. She looked over and smiled at me and went back to doing the other person's hair. I gave my full, unusual name at booking and felt she was expecting me.

I got up and returned to reception, asking for the manager. I explained to the manager that I was a new client and the back story. I told her I wasnt comfortable with having my hair cut by Sarah and asked for a different person or to cancel. I was told that no other stylists were available. Options offered were pay a £10 cancellation/non attendance fee or have Sarah and manager would keep an eye on us. I again declined and told them I wouldn't pay to cancellation fee. They then offered a junior stylist but told me I would still need to pay the senior stylist fee as that's what I had booked but now declined.

I left saying I would take the cancellation fee issue up with the owner if she calls me, when I left they were clearly unhappy.

I've checked the website and social media, there are no pictures of Sarah so I couldn't have known it was her before arriving. If I knew I would have cancelled.

If/when owner calls do I complain about how its being handled and refuse to pay, pay up and complain or just block and ignore? I'm swaying towards paying and complaining but I hate the idea of paying my bully any money.

OP posts:
Buster72 · 21/03/2019 16:01

Why should Sarah pay a nominal 10 pound? Perhaps the salon take the view that she is a fantastic hairdresser with many happy clients.

It is unlikely that you will be pursued for the money and I appreciate your reluctance but ultimately you cancelled not them.

TrendyNorthLondonTeen · 21/03/2019 16:02

Hell would freeze over before I let anyone who treated me like that touch my hair but some of the replies on here are ridiculous.

They won't sack her. They won't dock her wages. It's a tenner. They'll probably just laugh about it.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 21/03/2019 16:03

If I were Sarah, the hairdresser, I'd be pulling the other one, telling my boss what a school bully YOU were how, YOU sought ME out to ruin my career ..... you see, no one knows who the school bully was in this situation, all that silly 'wink wink' tell the local paper type comments - that just wouldn’t wash either would it? It cant be evidenced Sarah was a school bully, no one is going to sue anyone else.

No one is going to get sacked over an event which may or may not have happened 15, 20 odd years ago.

All that actually happened today is ...... you didnt get your hair done.

Summergarden · 21/03/2019 16:16

Well done! I’m impressed that you didn’t get flustered and have felt pressured into going along with it. Stand firm about not paying.

As it happens, I bumped into a girl who was a school bully in my class when we were both almost 30. She worked in a different office in the same building. I never mentioned her past history to anyone at work. She seemed reasonably pleasant to me the odd occasions I bumped into her but it wasn’t long before I heard that someone from her department had put in a bullying complaint against her...

Traccs · 21/03/2019 16:16

Except, for those who were bullied, it's still something that impacts their lives. I could give you names, places and often rough dates of times I was bullied throughout my secondary school life. I left 20 years ago.
Same here and I left 45 years ago. My entire childhood was tainted by a succession of bullies.

Thegoodthere · 21/03/2019 16:21

OP, you're a ledge. Bully can get tae fuck. Well done x

JustTwoMoreSecs · 21/03/2019 16:22

Why lower yourself to her level
How is saying why OP is not comfortable with this person the same level as bullying??

pepperpot99 · 21/03/2019 16:26

Stand your ground OP. well done.

Colette · 21/03/2019 16:29

Well done Cake

3dogs2cats · 21/03/2019 16:30

I think you were right. And I think you did well.if it was me I probably would have sat down and suffered it and got worst haircut ever.

howabout · 21/03/2019 16:31

In this situation I wouldn't have bothered to explain but would just have left. Wouldn't want to be in the same environment as school bully and would judge anyone employing her adversely.

Given manager's attitude to your request turns out I would be right. Charging the same fee for a Junior is not on and cancellation fee is not enforceable either - assume they don't have your credit card details and no deposit paid?

Motherofcreek · 21/03/2019 16:32

If Sarah was a much appreciated long term employee they will just discuss and move on.

You’d be surprised how protective small knit teams can be

Bluetrews25 · 21/03/2019 16:34

Well done, OP.
You handled that fairly and discreetly, and I hope they have the decency not to chase the fee.

Takethebuscuitandthesink · 21/03/2019 16:34

Good for you

UnspiritualHome · 21/03/2019 16:35

I think you should have paid the £10 as it wasn't the salon's fault that you had personal issues with the stylist, and that would have left you with the high ground both morally and legally.

DeRigueurMortis · 21/03/2019 16:36

Personally I'd view it as the best £10 I'd ever spent.

You stood your ground and also her manager and colleagues will know her "backstory".

I don't believe most long term bullies change their ways and wouldn't be surprised if your actions resonate with people she works with.

If I'm wrong and she is "a different person" so what?

Maybe it's an opportunity to reflect on who she was.

I wasn't subject to bullying at school but a close friend was and it definitely impacted her self confidence for a long time.

You don't get to whitewash your past. Just because the bully might have mended their ways doesn't negate the years of abuse they dished out.

Karma is frankly a joy to behold.....

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 21/03/2019 16:37

Bloody well done, OP. It was really brave of you to walk away, a lot of people wouldn't have dared.

All those people who say she might have changed are missing the point. She MIGHT, (although once a bully always a bully ime) but the damage done to the OP and any other victims doesn't necessarily operate on the same timeline.

It's like those people who admit to having a short fuse and blowing their top at the drop of a hat but congratulate themselves for getting over it quickly and being able to move on. Meanwhile they leave a trail of devastation with their victims' nerves in shreds.

They can whistle for their tenner, if they even dare to ask for it.

howabout · 21/03/2019 16:42

A wee bit of guidance on cancellation fees - not easily enforceable, especially if not collected as upfront deposits.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/cancelling-goods-or-services-guide-for-consumers/cancelling-goods-or-services

Just because someone has the brass neck to ask you to pay up for Nothing doesn't mean you have to.

FineFanks · 21/03/2019 16:43

Absolutely no way you should pay.

They can deduct it from Sarah's wages.

Suggest this to the manager if she calls!

MadameDD · 21/03/2019 16:50

I personally wouldn't have paid the £10 fee.

Depending if your name had changed (since marriage etc) then I do fail to see how Sarah would recognise your name, and also - depending how common your name is - maybe it just got mixed in with the appointment book/online booking system.

But, I do think you have the right not to have a treatment whether it's a haircut, massage etc by someone who caused you emotional harm in the past. Sarah should have been aware of her treatment of you at the time and in the future. I've had a school bully try to excuse her bullying to me (as a teenager) because 'her own mum bullied her and was unpleasant to her'. Well sorry but that doesn't wash with me!

GreenTulips · 21/03/2019 16:52

Well done OP you did absolutely the right thing.
Sarah’s current situation is none of your business and even if she was in her knees begging i still wouldn’t have paid a penny!
Reap what you sow

RunAlexRun · 21/03/2019 16:53

I despise bullies! I wouldn't have had my hair done by her either.

Malbecfan · 21/03/2019 17:04

Well done OP. I wouldn't pay either.

However, nobody seems to have suggested paying the £10 "cancellation fee" to a charity which supports people who have been bullied. I doubt the salon will ask for it, so paying it to a charity might at least be helpful.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 21/03/2019 17:17

You totally did the right thing.
You didn't call Sarah out in the middle of everyone, you quietly asked to speak to the manager.
Are people suggesting you should LIE to "protect" Sarah? That's just ridiculous.. What made up reason would you like OP to have given them?
She won't lose her job, and OP wasn't even asking the salon to do that! She was just saying she didn't want her hair cut there. And quite right too. It would have been a disaster. I suspect Sarah's very good at standing up for herself and arguing her case. No employer would have grounds to sack someone for that, just as no reasonable person should expect you to go ahead and have your hair cut by someone who was your school bully.
So many people on this thread are arguing that Sarah may have changed over the years that if Sarah said the same thing to her employer they would likely have taken her side. They seemed to have done that anyway by offering a lesser service for the same price and demanding a cancellation fee.
Given that you told the manager the truth, no way should you have accepted their "offer" of a junior stylist at senior prices.. Does anyone believe that Sarah, who was already giving OP filty looks, would have kept quiet during that process.. she would have been over there mid hair cut "having a go" and further humiliating OP. It was really good that you didn't cave to pressure on that one OP. It would have been absolutely grim and for OP who was already shakey, it would have been an awful experience. What sensible salon would really want their customers to endure that and then give them awful reviews as a result. Realistically it was in their interest to sepearate these two before there was a scene in front of other customers.

As to the cancellation fee, Sarah was running late and the salon should have just chalked this up as one of those things. Had they done so, it may not have made OP even more upset and deciding to write about it on Mumsnet.
Well done for standing up for yourself OP, you've done nothing wrong and given their clumsy handling of this sitatuion, they ought to forget the cancellation fee.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 21/03/2019 17:18

Malbecfan's idea of telling them that you will pay the cancellation fee to a Charity that supports people who have been bullied seems like the perfect answer OP.

Swipe left for the next trending thread