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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Hairdresser = old bully.

310 replies

FirstNameSurname · 21/03/2019 13:16

I went to a new hairdressers today. Booked with a senior stylist "Sarah". When I arrive I was greeted and sat in a chair, receptionist explains the stylist is running late and points over at her. She is my old school/teen bully. Her bullying was severe and prolonged, ended with me hating secondary school and then leaving college early and isolating myself. I am now in my 30's but it still brings back a sick/nervous feeling. Seeing Sarah again completely shook me. She looked over and smiled at me and went back to doing the other person's hair. I gave my full, unusual name at booking and felt she was expecting me.

I got up and returned to reception, asking for the manager. I explained to the manager that I was a new client and the back story. I told her I wasnt comfortable with having my hair cut by Sarah and asked for a different person or to cancel. I was told that no other stylists were available. Options offered were pay a £10 cancellation/non attendance fee or have Sarah and manager would keep an eye on us. I again declined and told them I wouldn't pay to cancellation fee. They then offered a junior stylist but told me I would still need to pay the senior stylist fee as that's what I had booked but now declined.

I left saying I would take the cancellation fee issue up with the owner if she calls me, when I left they were clearly unhappy.

I've checked the website and social media, there are no pictures of Sarah so I couldn't have known it was her before arriving. If I knew I would have cancelled.

If/when owner calls do I complain about how its being handled and refuse to pay, pay up and complain or just block and ignore? I'm swaying towards paying and complaining but I hate the idea of paying my bully any money.

OP posts:
BluebadgenPIP · 21/03/2019 14:11

The stylist is likely self employed. And they’re hardly going to sack an employee on the word of a random stranger about something that happened years ago.

Op I am sorry you were upset thoughamd hope you get a different salon.

FullOnMonet1980 · 21/03/2019 14:11

Leopards don't change their spots

I don't agree with this. Rapists & murderers yes but school bullies no.

You can't judge someone now as an adult on how they behaved as a kid at school.

My DH was bullied really bad at school & a few years ago we saw one of his bullies. The guy came over & couldn't apologise enough for how he treated him. It meant alot to my DH.

"Sarah" might not have reconised you & even so probably would've been professional & cut your hair as she would any customer. Saying that I would have felt awkward & left as I have anxiety about going to the hairdressers anyway.

My old job over paid me £200 after I left. I never paid it back & they never chased despite sending me a letter asking for the money back.

They won't bother for a tenner. Just avoid that salon from now on.

spanishwife · 21/03/2019 14:14

Sorry but I think YABU...

I think the the embarrassment of her colleagues finding out about that part of her history is punishment enough.

The fact you told her manager the backstory is so out of order! We all do things we regret as a teenager. Maybe she had horrendous problems of her own. I'd have just been an adult and given her the benefit of the doubt. Why 'try and get your own back' now? You could have just said, 'sorry family emergency' and left.

MumUnderTheMoon · 21/03/2019 14:15

Had I been you I would have walked out as well but I don't see why you had to offer up any explanation at all. It's 15ish years down the line and exposing her for being a horrible teenager just seems a little messy and undignified. Nothing was stopping you from picking up your stuff and walking out the door. They have no way to force you to pay them £10 so I doubt they'll pursue it.

Pernickity1 · 21/03/2019 14:16

Well done for walking away OP but you really should have paid the £10 or agreed to the junior stylist.

It’s not the salon’s fault Sarah wasn’t suitable. If I were you I would have paid the £10 as by cancelling your appointment they’re out of pocket.

If Sarah owned the salon I wouldn’t dream of paying but since she doesn’t I think you’re making yourself look bad. But I imagine in the circumstances there’s very little chance they’ll even contact you.

I’m very sorry you went through that experience though. Bullying is horrific.

ilovemylurcher · 21/03/2019 14:16

Don't worry about the £10.
Trying to take someone to the small claims court is a nightmare, and I think they charge an admin fee of something like £25 or £35 (you can look it up online), then there's evidence gathering, attendance etc.- there is no way they will pursue you.

SparklesandFlowers · 21/03/2019 14:16

I've seen on previous threads lots of people on MN think that past bullying should be left in the past. Often you see phrases like 'they have bills to pay too', 'it was a long time ago', 'they've probably changed', 'they shouldn't have to pay for something they did as a teenager'.

Except, for those who were bullied, it's still something that impacts their lives. I could give you names, places and often rough dates of times I was bullied throughout my secondary school life. I left 20 years ago. I have not forgotten, as much as I would like to. Why should the bullies be able to forget if their victims cannot?

This woman was bad enough that the OP still had a physical response on seeing her even 15 years later. The OP has every right not to be treated by her and it's not her problem that Sarah's colleagues may find out why the OP left and that Sarah may potentially be out of pocket for the day.

There needs to be some consequence to bullying for the bullies.

DarlingNikita · 21/03/2019 14:20

what else could they have done for you that day?

They could have offered a junior stylist – as I know they did – at junior stylist rates, rather expecting the OP to pay the senior stylist fee.

FirstNameSurname · 21/03/2019 14:20

I asked for the manager because I didn't want the information shared or see it as an opportunity for revenge. It was to explain why I was so uncomfortable. The explanation was something along the lines of - I have just seen Sarah and realised we used to go to school and college together, she wasnt very kind to me and caused me a lot of upset. I'm feeling really panicked seeing her again.

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 21/03/2019 14:21

The fact you told her manager the backstory is so out of order! We all do things we regret as a teenager. Maybe she had horrendous problems of her own. I'd have just been an adult and given her the benefit of the doubt. Why 'try and get your own back' now? You could have just said, 'sorry family emergency' and left.

Why is it out of order? Why should her past be hidden and she protected by the person who's life she made miserable? Actions have consequences and her actions just caught up with her. If she's a different person now maybe she will ring to apologise to the OP instead of demanding her lunch money tenner

Jerri907 · 21/03/2019 14:22

No way would I let someone who bullied me cut my hair, and no way would I pay the salon either! Bullies need to learn their actions have consequences.

loulou0987 · 21/03/2019 14:22

@user1474894224 what age is the child you are referring to? The person I am discussing carried out this behaviour way past the age of 16. I'm not saying people can't change. I felt that I was sticking up for my 13 year old self. Maybe the hairdressers should be prepared for more of the same, and to waiver their cancellation fee for such a valid reaction by the OP.

havingtochangeusernameagain · 21/03/2019 14:22

It’s not the salon’s fault Sarah wasn’t suitable. If I were you I would have paid the £10 as by cancelling your appointment they’re out of pocket

They were also running late as a pp cleverly pointed out. The op had booked for a certain time. Not 10, 20 or 30 minutes later.

I think at that point any requirement to pay a cancellation fee falls away.

BuildAParsnip · 21/03/2019 14:23

Well done!

AureliaJane · 21/03/2019 14:24

I would stand your ground. I expect that in terms of their terms and conditions you’re on a shoogly peg, but morally you’re absolutely right!

havingtochangeusernameagain · 21/03/2019 14:25

And I totally understand not wanting to see a bully. I saw someone who bullied me in the workplace last week, hadn't seen her for 7 years. I don't know if she saw me. Fortunately I was at a very busy event and someone was moving across me to get into the seat next to me, so I was shielded from her.

I would not want someone who made me uncomfortable doing any sort of personal service like hairdressing or eg sports massage.

ShabbyAbby · 21/03/2019 14:25

I was bullied really badly as a kid and teenager and this has impacted me since. However, I would have cancelled and paid the tenner. I would not have "outed" Sarah as a bully. I wouldn't have felt comfortable with her doing my hair but I also believe in rehabilitation and second chances. I don't think any of us would want to be judged by the worst days of our teenage years. Most people have the capacity to change, and even if they don't it's no excuse to now pay a presumably agreed cancellation fee.

havingtochangeusernameagain · 21/03/2019 14:26

Not sure I agree with cancellation fees anyway. They cancel their customers often enough eg if the stylist is ill and don't pay a cancellation fee. It's very one-sided.

Dotty1970 · 21/03/2019 14:26

user1474894224 your comments make me suspect you too are an ex? bully.....

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 21/03/2019 14:27

I don’t blame the OP for not wanting to stick around but I don’t think it’s the salons fault and why should they lose out of their cancellation fee? In the OPs shoes I wouldn’t have wanted my hair cut by a previous bully either but wouldn’t have taken it out on the salon and therefore would have paid the £10 cancellation fee.

VeraWangTwang · 21/03/2019 14:30

I hate to ask but is there a chance 'Sarah' could telephone to apologise ?
I wouldn't answer the phone if they called .

CuriousaboutSamphire · 21/03/2019 14:32

The fact you told her manager the backstory is so out of order! We all do things we regret as a teenager. Maybe she had horrendous problems of her own Bollocks! Sheer unadulterated bollocks!

This is why bullies get away with their appalling behaviour. Adults tell their victims to 'play nice'.

If Sarah had a shitty childhood then maybe someone being able to speak out about her behaviour would have made a positive difference to that! I know one of my bullies was removed from her home and sent to live with her grandparents, because I spoke out, lashed out and refused to shut up about their behaviour.

Even if that is not the case there is NEVER a reason to hide abuse, to feel ashamed becasue you have suffered abuse, the abuser is ALWAYS in the wrong.

Fuck off with protecting her to your own detriment!

Was that phrased strong;y enough? I want every poster with a similar idea to know that theeffects of bullying last a lifetime... and it is a truly evil thing you do when you ask/tell a victim to shut up and play nice!

RosiePosies · 21/03/2019 14:32

I honestly can't think of anything worse than this situation. Going to the hairdressers and staring at yourself in those bloody mirrors for hours on end is bad enough when your hairdresser is a nice person.

Firstly, well done OP. If it was me I'd have just run away without even saying anything. I think you handled the situation really well.

Secondly, there is no way they can force you to pay anything. I would ignore any phone calls from the salon (which I highly doubt will come through anyway) and find a different salon.

sagradafamiliar · 21/03/2019 14:33

It's done, there's nothing to take into consideration now.

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 21/03/2019 14:34

Q

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