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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hairdresser = old bully.

310 replies

FirstNameSurname · 21/03/2019 13:16

I went to a new hairdressers today. Booked with a senior stylist "Sarah". When I arrive I was greeted and sat in a chair, receptionist explains the stylist is running late and points over at her. She is my old school/teen bully. Her bullying was severe and prolonged, ended with me hating secondary school and then leaving college early and isolating myself. I am now in my 30's but it still brings back a sick/nervous feeling. Seeing Sarah again completely shook me. She looked over and smiled at me and went back to doing the other person's hair. I gave my full, unusual name at booking and felt she was expecting me.

I got up and returned to reception, asking for the manager. I explained to the manager that I was a new client and the back story. I told her I wasnt comfortable with having my hair cut by Sarah and asked for a different person or to cancel. I was told that no other stylists were available. Options offered were pay a £10 cancellation/non attendance fee or have Sarah and manager would keep an eye on us. I again declined and told them I wouldn't pay to cancellation fee. They then offered a junior stylist but told me I would still need to pay the senior stylist fee as that's what I had booked but now declined.

I left saying I would take the cancellation fee issue up with the owner if she calls me, when I left they were clearly unhappy.

I've checked the website and social media, there are no pictures of Sarah so I couldn't have known it was her before arriving. If I knew I would have cancelled.

If/when owner calls do I complain about how its being handled and refuse to pay, pay up and complain or just block and ignore? I'm swaying towards paying and complaining but I hate the idea of paying my bully any money.

OP posts:
runwithme · 21/03/2019 13:51

You definitely did the right thing. You're incredible OP. I'm not sure I'd do the same thing. Well done. XThanksThanks

Bibijayne · 21/03/2019 13:51

I think you did the right thing OP. Sarah might have changed, but it's not unreasonable to highlight the issue and to not want her to cut your hair.

You're braver than me. Years ago I was enjoying horse riding lessons (I had a shift job in TV and could go in the mornings - loved it!) One day the usual instructor was away, they had a new instructor take my private lesson. One of my bullies from school. It was awkward and uncomfortable for both of us. I quit my lessons and never returned. Wish I'd had the balls to say we had issues in school/ similar and asked for someone else / to cancel.

NWQM · 21/03/2019 13:51

I really dont that they will ring and I'm a little in awe that you walked out without paying - well done you.

If they do ring however remember that on top of the fact that you would have been uncomfortable with Sarah she was running late. Your appointment was for x time. They were not keeping to the terms of your appointment either. They could not offer you a like for like replacement for the late running Sarah and expected you to have someone that they deem to be less good for the same cost.

You could argue that they actually cancelled first - Sarah wasn't actually available when you had booked for her.

Obviously this probably is a load of old nonsense legally as heavens knows how late is a breech of contract but might be worth pointing out and saying how daft all this is over £10.

Snappedandfarted2019 · 21/03/2019 13:53

I’m going against the grain. You should have paid or had the junior stylist, you had booked an appointment and they could have had another client in that slot so they have lost money. You’re about my age so approx 15 years or so have past. The young girl you might have known could be someone entirely different.

sagradafamiliar · 21/03/2019 13:53

If they were hell bent on getting the £10 they'd have tried the holding you there and ringing the police trick. But they didn't so have let it go.

Bobbycat121 · 21/03/2019 13:54

I also think you were wrong.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 21/03/2019 13:55

on top of the fact that you would have been uncomfortable with Sarah she was running late. Your appointment was for x time. They were not keeping to the terms of your appointment either. They could not offer you a like for like replacement for the late running Sarah and expected you to have someone that they deem to be less good for the same cost.

Excellent point NWQM.

OP - well done for standing your ground and for saying why. Leopards don't change their spots, and although she may be more subtle about it these days, I'll bet she's still making someone's life a misery.

winsinbin · 21/03/2019 13:56

I admire you OP for refusing to do something that would upset you. Unless you were clearly warned of the cancellation fee before booking I think you were absolutely right to refuse to pay it.

That being said, I don’t think ‘Sarah’ should be sacked for something she did as a school girl. I think the the embarrassment of her colleagues finding out about that part of her history is punishment enough.

And again, well done OP. I am in awe of your strength of mind.

IncrediblySadToo · 21/03/2019 13:56

Well done 🌷

Cancellation fee...🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Tell them to take it out of Sarah’s wages.

I don’t ‘do’ Facebook as I think it’s the work of the devil, but every now and then I think it comes into its own 😊

I’m sorry you went through that at school, it must have been truly awful. Be kind to yourself today, it must have brought back some awful feelings ☕️🍰

Rafflesway · 21/03/2019 13:56

Chances are the salon stylists there are self employed.

If so it will have little impact upon the salon owner who will obtain their fees from Sarah irrespective of your actions.

Well done for leaving!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 21/03/2019 13:57

I also think you were wrong

Easy for you to say Bobbycat

The sick fear of bullying stays with you long after the incident - and like any other trauma, can come back with full force when you are faced with the bully. It isn't something you just "get over". It scars your mind.

SkippingPages · 21/03/2019 13:58

Well done OP !!!

Each time someone does this another bully will find their behaviour catching up with them.

Tinkobell · 21/03/2019 13:58

I think you absolutely did the right thing to refuse the treatment with your teen nemesis. However, for all you know Sarah might be a reformed character now - or not, we just don't know that...clearly I understand that she's damaged you very badly in your youth, but to go saying that 15 years later to her employer seems a bit shit tbh OP. I wouldn't have done that.....you don't know her life circumstances or anything now, she might have a kid to support or anything. That just feels wrong to me.

Bobbycat121 · 21/03/2019 13:59

I was bullied so bad in school I left! I still wouldnt have said anything. its 15+ years later

BearsDontDigOnDancing · 21/03/2019 13:59

Tensixtysix Thu 21-Mar-19 13:47:35
Hopefully that 'Sarah' will get sacked. Being a vindictive bully should be as bad as having a criminal record.

So what is the point in people changing or trying to change? Might as well keep on breaking the law..might as well keep on being a bully. If you have to pay for ever more for what you did possibly years before there is no point.

Op I don't blame you for walking put and again for not wanting to pay the fee, as a PP mentioned she was not actually ready for you at the appointment time.

BlueMerchant · 21/03/2019 13:59

How awful. I wouldn't have paid either ( could imagine her smiling at getting the tenner off you for nowt !)
I doubt they'll ring you.
I hope she is feeling embarrassed.

ColeHawlins · 21/03/2019 14:00

Why do school bullies always grow up to be hairdresser on MN? Where do you all live? Smile

glitterbiscuits · 21/03/2019 14:02

Well done!!ThanksThanksThanks

Snappedandfarted2019 · 21/03/2019 14:02

That being said, I don’t think ‘Sarah’ should be sacked for something she did as a school girl. I think the the embarrassment of her colleagues finding out about that part of her history is punishment enough.

Her employers are not going to mark her sheet because of something she did as an immature child if anything I think they will support her and most likely not have op back in their salon. She’s a 30year old woman for Christ sake might have a family and learnt from her past she certainly shouldn’t be punished for something she did as a child.

Drum2018 · 21/03/2019 14:03

You’re about my age so approx 15 years or so have past. The young girl you might have known could be someone entirely different

Or she could still be a cunt. Either way seeing her triggered a response in op which is very common when faced with 'historic' bullying, bringing her right back to those awful school days. Under no circumstances should op have stayed another second in that place and I for one applaud her for standing up for herself now. Childhood bullying has long lasting affects on people - 15 years doesn't change that.

I wouldn't pay up. You explained the circumstances and they should waive their £10 fee in this case.

Original poster
FirstNameSurname · 21/03/2019 14:06

I panicked and was completely acting on instinct at the salon. Just trying to gain a more balanced view before I decide what to do. I hadn't thought of the late running being an area to discuss, thank you.

From the look Sarah gave it was clear to me that she hasn't changed and I dont feel I could have got away without explaining she was my bully, I hoped they would allow change of stylist or different appointment. It's a weekday so I would not think they would be full all day.

I left thinking that if they really needed/cared about the £10 they would call but hoping they dont.

OP posts:
DoneLikeAKipper · 21/03/2019 14:08

I can understand the op standing her ground, but

Hopefully that 'Sarah' will get sacked.

For what, exactly? Being a school bully doesn’t stop one from having a career later in life, and sacking her on the word of one (ex) customer would cost the business far more in an unfair dismissal tribunal than the lost £10.

Actually, if it had been me, I would have just paid the £10 and just said ‘I will not have my hair cut by Sarah, or return whilst she works here’ and walk out. No school-ground finger pointing, but clear enough that it was a specific employee that was the issue not their establishment. However, that’s just me and I don’t think the OP was wrong either.

user1474894224 · 21/03/2019 14:09

@loulou0987 of this was a child would you say it's ok to punish them the next day for something they did the day before? No - punishments must be immediate. You are suggesting it's right to punish someone for something they did 15 years ago. I'm not saying the OP should have her hair cut....just that she should have paid the £10 and left if that's how she felt. The policy is to protect the income of the salon and the staff.

FizzyGreenWater · 21/03/2019 14:09

WELL DONE.

Don't pay a penny.

Calmly discuss with the manager how they would prefer to proceed. Small claims? Fine, bring it on. You'd be completely happy to make your experience public, you're sure the local paper would be very interested in such an unusual case with a local angle and as you're sure you're not the only person Sarah bullied, so it might be useful for them to have some publicity on this to avoid the issue in future, as other victims of Sarah would then know to avoid the salon :) Would that help, you can ask innocently?

Or blacklist you? Fine. Just so long as they don't have an issue with you having to let local friends know why you've changed salon - they will ask of course, and you won't lie.

Any other options-?

FWIW bullies don't change that much, so I'm sure Sarah's rep at work ain't that great already. She's hardly going to be a complete darling to work with, is she?

AryaStarkWolf · 21/03/2019 14:11

They can't make you pay and I doubt they'd bother chasing up £10. I wouldn't have let her cut my hair either

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