Sexual assault in school

[WeakAsIAm]

So my 15 DD has been sexually assaulted by another pupil during a lesson at school.
The incident has been reported to the school and the boy has been removed from shared lessons.

I've met with the school today; the boy will return to normal lessons in 2 weeks, my DD has been offered mediation with the boy before he returns to discuss their issues.

During the meeting I was so upset for my DD that I just wanted to get her out of there and make sure she was safe.

Now the anger has set in, AIBU to think the school should be doing more about this and not passing it off as a slight misdemeanour?

I really want an example setting of this boy, I feel he should be permanently excluded, be reported to the police and let this be an example to all other pupils this behaviour is not acceptable.

Am I over reacting, I don't feel I am but I'm so upset about it maybe I'm not thinking straight?

If I am reasonable how can I get the school to take this seriously?

mediate with someone who assaulted you? wtf are they on

hope youre meeting goes well today

Well done OP. He needs to learn the consequences of his actions

sorry x post and i thought theyd replied-how is ignoring yu going to help

I was sexually assaulted at work a few years ago and I physically couldn't fight back. My mind just went blank and I completely froze. And I am an adult, not a teenage girl.

This has happened to me. Many people find it hard to believe, that the instinct to fight back does not kick in, but freezing is also a defence mechanism. When I was assaulted I was so frightened I couldn't move and could barely breathe - my throat just closed and I couldn't shout / scream/ speak - I thought I would choke and was gasping for breath long after my abuser had gone. (It wasn't an oral assault - my throat just seized up)

this was very common in my secondary school aswell. very common. happened all the time. I dont remember anyone reporting not that im saying it shouldnt be.

Hes a child

Tha age of criminal responsibility in this country is TEN years old pinkcrayon.

That means that by the age of TEN, children are expected to know right from wrong.

He knows.

He has done this before, and if not stopped he will do it again. If OP'S DD doesn't report it, and he goes on to rape someone, how would you feel about that?

How do you think SHE would feel about it? It isn't her responsibility, but I would bet my bottom dollar that she would blame herself, even though his actions have nothing to do with her.

He needs to be stopped NOW. Punished for what he has done to this girl, and prevented from doing anything similar again to anyone else.

And actually, this is for his sake, as well as hers. Police intervention now might stop him from spending half his life in jail in the future, as well as preventing pain and shame and heartache for however many women and girls.

Freezing happens a lot. I had my backside groped hard on the tube from one stop to another. I went all hot and cold and tensed all over. Felt like crying after.

If i was a girl having been groped especially between the legs, especially at school where you should be safe and secure, I'd be terrified. Kudos to your dd for going in.

And yes he needs to be reported to the police, the school should have done this. Not at all protecting otherwise.

He keeps doing it. He will escalate.

@SchadenfreudePersonified your a bit late with your ranting have a look at my further posts from LASTNIGHT which state to call the police...
Bore off.

Pinkcrayon

You're welcome.

Press charges for indecent assault. It's not an area at all for mediation. Give her a hug from me.

Please don't let the school fob you and your DD off. Please inform the police. And definitely no to mediation, your poor DD. Good for her for going in. for DD and you

Op it's a horrible thought but what about a rape alarm and a mobile. What if he wants more? Hope she's ok x

I have been in this situation, it happened last year with my DD9. Although police were involved nothing happened to the other student as she was only 9 as well. In my case my dd was forced to stay in class with the child that did it and there has been NOTHING that has happened to this child where as my daughter ended up needing a psychologist, several police interviews and a LOT of talks 1 on 1 with me about sex and things like that.
In your case the boy is over 10years old and should be held legally accountable for his actions. I just wish that could have happened in my case so i have a very strong YES! answer.
I hope your daughter is able to move her way forward and regain her security and sense of self after these events as my daughter now has as well.

Also extremely common when I was at school

Agree 1000% with the post fromtalkinginthedark.

As far as I’m concerned, if they are over the age of criminal responsibility (which they are) I think it should be treated exactly the same way as if it happened in an office. Otherwise why have an age of criminal responsibility? Youthful hijinks may Be a mitigating factor but that’s for the police/cps/judge to decide.

Sorry that should have read @talkinginthedark

And to add my voice to the many others - mediating with her assaulter - wtaf is that school thinking???

Restorative justice is deeply inappropriate here. There is no 'issue' to hash out and resolve mutually. Fuck's sake, stupid school!

Hi there are published guidelines by the department for education (published 2017, amended 2018). My daughter was sexually assaulted in September last year in the playground. It’s had a devastating impact on her mental health and overall confidence. The schools attitude towards it was actually the hardest to accept. Not incident happening itself. We complained to the chair of governors who referred us to outside agency who refused to see her. We also complained to the academy trust who sent someone who actually said I didn’t understand boys and their behaviour. She actually said at one point boys will be boys. I don’t have any advice just sympathy. I have no confidence in the school system to keep my daughter safe.

Hope this kid is excluded and the school magically suddenly remembers their own policy and starts supporting your DD

The school have suggested mediation!!!! What do they want your daughter to say "well, I didn't like it when you did X because it made me fell like Y" what a joke. Call the police and report him. So sorry for your daughter, I hope she will be ok.

This is horrific, especially on the school's part. Would we expect an adult victim of sexual assault to 'mediate' with their attacker? I think not.

You are 100% doing the right thing by reporting it. This gives the message to the school and other pupils that this is a criminal offence and should be treated as such.

If I were in your situation I would also want to show my DD that I have her back and make sure she has the confidence to report something like this if, god forbid, it should happen again in the future. Same message for her female schoolmates.

Good luck

They need to follow their own procedure. Insist on doing everything by the book.

Stay strong.

How a school deals with this kind of thin says a lot about the school...

Why should your DD be distracted from her education by this?

Hope your daughter is OK.

Definitely call the police , don’t wait for the school as they’ve already minimised this to within an inch of its life and I guarantee they will not want the school to look bad so will sweep this under the carpet