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AIBU?

Sexual assault in school

242 replies

WeakAsIAm · 20/03/2019 21:20

So my 15 DD has been sexually assaulted by another pupil during a lesson at school.
The incident has been reported to the school and the boy has been removed from shared lessons.

I've met with the school today; the boy will return to normal lessons in 2 weeks, my DD has been offered mediation with the boy before he returns to discuss their issues.

During the meeting I was so upset for my DD that I just wanted to get her out of there and make sure she was safe.

Now the anger has set in, AIBU to think the school should be doing more about this and not passing it off as a slight misdemeanour?

I really want an example setting of this boy, I feel he should be permanently excluded, be reported to the police and let this be an example to all other pupils this behaviour is not acceptable.

Am I over reacting, I don't feel I am but I'm so upset about it maybe I'm not thinking straight?

If I am reasonable how can I get the school to take this seriously?

OP posts:

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Missingstreetlife · 20/03/2019 23:16

Speak to police and social services without delay. School trying to sweep this under the carpet. Governors need to know after you have alerted authorities. Good luck op, love to your brave daughter.

PinkCrayon · 20/03/2019 23:17

I am going to go against the grain here but I dont think you should call the police over this, kids make some stupid sometimes pretty awful mistakes I dont think he should get a record for this with him being so young.
I do think he should have been punished appropriately as it doesnt seem much has been done if he has just been pulled from her lessons.
He also needs to be given some lessons on consent and appropriate behaviour.

Just my opinion.

FurrySlipperBoots · 20/03/2019 23:20

She was grabbed between the legs (above clothing), there had been no flirting any behaviour from DD to encourage him to do this. Not that I even feel it would anywhere near excuse him doing this.

I just think it was a total violation of her body.

I 100% agree on that. It would be hanging-drawing-quartering territory for me. I would do as a PP suggested and make it clear to the school first thing tomorrow that they have the rest of the school day to report the matter to the police, and if they haven't by 3 you will be doing so yourself.

Purpleartichoke · 20/03/2019 23:20

I would call the police. There is no reason to wait to talk to the school again.

FurrySlipperBoots · 20/03/2019 23:21

@PinkCrayon

For grabbing her crotch? Are you serious?!

JazzyBBG · 20/03/2019 23:21

@PinkCrayon would you feel that way if it was your daughter? Ah some nice lessons and it will all be fine.

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 20/03/2019 23:22

@PinkCrayon
Not goady at all.

Pantsomime · 20/03/2019 23:22

PinkCrayon - accepted & police will treat as such if they deem it’s a mistake -BUT the damage is done she’s been violated accident not and he must understand what he’s done and the effect it has, he can’t take it back and she can’t delete the effect it has had

babyno5 · 20/03/2019 23:22

@PinkCrayon please read my last post. This is what happens when repeated behaviour goes unchallenged

puppy23 · 20/03/2019 23:23

Your poor DD, this is awful from the school. Report it to everyone possible, this is in no way keeping her safe. And they're even going to put him back into her classes?! Disgusting

Goposie · 20/03/2019 23:23

How do you think the school would handle an incident like that in the staff room?

NeverSayFreelance · 20/03/2019 23:23

Well this is bloody ridiculous. No way should anyone, but especially not a CHILD, be forced into "mediation" with someone who assaulted them. That's just insane.

Call the police. Tell the school that under no circumstances is your DD to be anywhere near this boy. And tell them they need to review their policies on child welfare.

PinkCrayon · 20/03/2019 23:24

I said he should be punished appropriately you left that part out @Jazzybbg
Hes a child he needs to have it drummed into him that he cannot do this so yes lessons can help, along with a punishment.

babyno5 · 20/03/2019 23:24

@PinkCrayon read this
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1194889/Teacher-raped-15-year-old-pupil-blames-school-putting-way-rapist.html

PinkCrayon · 20/03/2019 23:25

How was what I said goady Otterseat

Mammajay · 20/03/2019 23:27

My experience is that schools, colleges and universities all try extremely hard to cover up assaults as they don't want bad publicity. I know of 2 serious events which were hushed up by two different sixth form colleges.

PinkCrayon · 20/03/2019 23:29

I think they should also get some help from some outside sources from people who are knowledgeable in sexual assault in regards for what needs to be done I dont think a head teacher can deal with this on their own properly and it seems in this case they havent.

Chouetted · 20/03/2019 23:30

If it's truly a one off lapse of judgement (it can happen), then it might be a bit unfortunate for the young man in question, who will get the shock of his life, but it should act as a deterrent to anyone else who might follow suit.

Having said that, if it was a one off lapse, he should have been utterly mortified and begging forgiveness. I speak a little from experience - I once picked on a younger kid just because the intrusive urge to be mean was temporarily stronger than my self control. I realised what I was doing as it was happening, stopped, apologised profusely and he just shrugged it off. That is not at ALL reminiscent of what has been described here.

BoneyBackJefferson · 20/03/2019 23:32

Chouetted

But its been said that he has form for this.

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 20/03/2019 23:33

@PinkCrayon
Do you have children?
If so, do you have a daughter, or, daughters?
He has, apparently, previous history of assault.

Serin · 20/03/2019 23:34

Our DS was subjected to a homophobic attack (completely unprovoked) at school.
School were actually useless until we contacted the Police who took the matter very seriously and provided support and help for our son.
Once the Police were involved the schools attitude changed very quickly.
The perpetrator was charged and now goes to a pupil referral centre.

PinkCrayon · 20/03/2019 23:36

What he has done the same thing before and nothing has been done?

PinkCrayon · 20/03/2019 23:41

Perhaps calling the police might be the only way if the school is being so clearly ignorant.

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 20/03/2019 23:41

Read OPs 21.33 post PinkCrayon

WeakAsIAm · 20/03/2019 23:42

Hi thanks for all the replies.

Pinkcrayon; yes DD has said 'he's touched other girls too' as far as I know they were not reported to school they were not acknowledged by school today as it stands.

I accept that young people do very stupid things and don't deserve to have their entire life stained by a simple mistake.

But I honestly think this is so far beyond an honest mistake, I don't get the impression from DD there was any kind of hi jinx atmosphere if you like but almost a seedy opportunist assault.

She's sleeping now, but somehow sleep evades me tonight

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