Sexual assault in school

[WeakAsIAm]

So my 15 DD has been sexually assaulted by another pupil during a lesson at school.
The incident has been reported to the school and the boy has been removed from shared lessons.

I've met with the school today; the boy will return to normal lessons in 2 weeks, my DD has been offered mediation with the boy before he returns to discuss their issues.

During the meeting I was so upset for my DD that I just wanted to get her out of there and make sure she was safe.

Now the anger has set in, AIBU to think the school should be doing more about this and not passing it off as a slight misdemeanour?

I really want an example setting of this boy, I feel he should be permanently excluded, be reported to the police and let this be an example to all other pupils this behaviour is not acceptable.

Am I over reacting, I don't feel I am but I'm so upset about it maybe I'm not thinking straight?

If I am reasonable how can I get the school to take this seriously?

[user1471462428]

I agree. I’ve been on edge ever since waiting for my daughter to abuse our son or her friends. She hasn’t and I don’t believe ever will (although I watch her constantly for my own peace of mind). The problem in our case is that despite physical evidence she wasn’t believed. The boys behaviour had always been poor and it was constantly overlooked by staff because who he was. Even when girls are barely beyond being toddlers they’re not listened too or disbelieved. We appear to have learnt nothing from #metoo.

[User67836]

OP I keep thinking about this thread and was wondering how it's going? How you DD doing?

[dreichuplands]

It is off topic but I did just want to say that while it is thought to be significantly less common for females to sexually abuse than men it does also happen. It is thought that it may be less reported than male abuse for societal reasons. It does happen however and I have worked with dc of both sexes who have been abused by females both adult and juvenile.

[Tink2007]

I’m sorry - “THEIR issues”? Are the school staff high? Your DD has been sexually assaulted in school. How dare they try and pass this off as something trivial and sweep it under the carpet.

Police all the way OP.

Lots of love to you and your DD.

[WeakAsIAm]

Thanks to everyone for their support so far.

So to update, I reported the assault to police & social services. Both have been really good.

The boy has been removed from school whilst investigated.

DD is doing really well in the circumstances and has continued to go to school.
She was amazing giving her statement.

School have admitted they made mistakes and are supporting DD to remain at school.

I'm not sure how much further progress we will make, but just wanted to update you all and thank you for your kind words and support.

[HardofCleaning]

isn't it funny how loads of girls are abused but don't abuse anyone, but boys turn into abusers?

I think this is a very naive and ignorant response. Boys and girls do react differently to abuse - and it is a fact that being the victim of abuse makes you more likely to become a perpetrator. In the same way boys are more likely to externalise difficult emotions while girls in general internalise.That doesn't make the abuse acceptable but t does mean we need a lot of compassion and support for all abuse victims to prevent a cycle emerging.

[HardofCleaning]

Glad to hear your update OP and that your DD is being protected.

[missteddy]

I'm 32 now and when I was in year 10 (15) around 2002 there was a faze of the boys going around and just grabbing the girls vaginas (really hard)...we were told to protect ourselves by wearing shorts under our skirts and the boys were told not to do this as they would get in trouble in the 'real' world.
I'm sad that schools don't seem to have moved very far along since then!
I agree with PP, involve the police.

[Tatiannatomasina]

Your daughter has been indecently assaulted, I am so glad you have reported this to the police. Under no circumstances would i enter into mediation with the offender, the incident is not suitable to be dealt with in this way. I hope he is expelled and finds himself with a criminal record and an entry on the sex offenders register as that is what he is.

[Cheeserton]

I'm glad the school are starting to see some sense, but I'm nonetheless furious on your behalf about their initial response. Mediation?? It's not naivety, it's just a deeply, deeply inappropriate response that should go against every bit of safeguarding training going. Whoever was responsible for that needs to be formally disciplined, and I hope you pursue a complaint against them to the fullest extent possible. Utterly disgraceful.

[mbosnz]

I'm so glad you've taken it to the police and social services, and required the school to follow the correct procedures. It's good the school has been able to acknowledge and learn from their errors, and are now stepping up to support the person that they should have supported all along - the victim, your daughter.

Your daughter sounds a fine, strong young woman - and she's got a strong Momma Bear clearly and firmly in her corner.

[PurplePattern]

Thank you for your update. So glad to hear that your DD is getting support. School were very much in the wrong. You did the right thing.

All the best for you and your DD.

[Grumpelstilskin]

Glad to read the update! The boy should be expelled from the school. It is shocking how sexual assault is minimised and girls have to suffer while all too often the school panders to the perpetrator and his educational needs are prioritised over that of the actual victims.

[youarenotkiddingme]

Glad things are going ok considering the circumstances.

Glad you reported.

And MASSIVE well done for your DD holding her head high and attending school. I'm sure that's not easy for a number of accounts (she's been SA and the gossip mill is probably on high speed). You've raised a strong daughter there.

[NWQM]

Yes, bravo to your DD.

[JamPasty]

Good on you OP, and well done to your DD for handling it all so well!