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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sexual assault in school

242 replies

WeakAsIAm · 20/03/2019 21:20

So my 15 DD has been sexually assaulted by another pupil during a lesson at school.
The incident has been reported to the school and the boy has been removed from shared lessons.

I've met with the school today; the boy will return to normal lessons in 2 weeks, my DD has been offered mediation with the boy before he returns to discuss their issues.

During the meeting I was so upset for my DD that I just wanted to get her out of there and make sure she was safe.

Now the anger has set in, AIBU to think the school should be doing more about this and not passing it off as a slight misdemeanour?

I really want an example setting of this boy, I feel he should be permanently excluded, be reported to the police and let this be an example to all other pupils this behaviour is not acceptable.

Am I over reacting, I don't feel I am but I'm so upset about it maybe I'm not thinking straight?

If I am reasonable how can I get the school to take this seriously?

OP posts:
RepealTheGRA · 20/03/2019 21:44

Police. And then County Council, Ofsted, DfE and formal complaint, regarding the schools piss poor safeguarding.

Flowers for your daughter

JazzyBBG · 20/03/2019 21:46

How do you sexually assault someone in a lesson? Wtf is the world coming to?

Police. And remind them school is supposed to be a safe place they are responsible for. Do not let them manipulate your daughter. I'm angry just reading this.

cherry2727 · 20/03/2019 21:47

Police , police ,police ! Please have this recorded and documented by officials!!( not the school!) This is a serious /criminal offence!!

lastqueenofscotland · 20/03/2019 21:48

Police!!!!!

Babymamamama · 20/03/2019 21:50

Yes ring the police. And insist the boy is removed from the school. No to the mediation. Your poor DD is a victim and needs to be supported as such.

Titsywoo · 20/03/2019 21:50

This happened to my DD recently (also a boy who has previous form). They did take it seriously and the police came and spoke to him/his parents were called in etc. I'm still not 100% sure it was dealt with severely enough so would definitely be kicking off in your situation.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 20/03/2019 21:51

So he's basically been rewarded with a 2 week holiday.
Of course you're not being irrational.
This is definately a matter for the police, Ofsted and SGO. Its beyond appalling when kids aren't safe from assault in school.
Itd be minus temperatures in hell before my child sat meditating with that predator, I'm telling you.

Beach11 · 20/03/2019 21:52

Definitely report to the police and local
authority designated office (LADO) they in charge of safeguarding complaints and basically investigate safeguarding concerns if you feel that schools safeguarding team hasn’t acted appropriately. You need to tell the LADO that mediation was suggested.

Hope your DD is ok

AdoraBell · 20/03/2019 21:53

Definitely report it to the Police.

💐 for your DD.

londonrach · 20/03/2019 21:55

Police matter!!!!!! Report to them. Id be removing dd from school if he returns.

HomoHeinekenensis · 20/03/2019 21:56

Mediation is completely inappropriate. Mediation implies that they both have done wrong. He needs to be made to apologise but I wouldn't wait for that, callthe police and have a zero tolerance approach to this. he doesn't get to say who does and does not talk about this the skank.

Motherofcreek · 20/03/2019 21:56

Report to the police. He may have already done this before or it will be on file if he ever does it again

Hope she is ok

MTGGirl · 20/03/2019 21:56

How can a boy sexually assault a girl in class? My understanding is that lesson/class means a teacher.
What could have happened that the teacher there didn't pick up on?
(really curious)

Also: why would your DD feel ashamed? I am very autonomous person (for my knowledge of a better word for not giving a f... about what others say as long as it's not their business).
I think that other ppl's feelings and actions are THEIRS. NOT MINE! Hence I will/can't be ashamed for something they did. Tell your DD to make that distinction in her head and apply common sense: did i provoke the situation? Presumably no. Did I encourage him to do it? Probs no. Then it's not her fault. She has nothing to be ashamed of! The boy was a dick. Apply some common sense and try to make her see that it's not on her.

littlenicky61 · 20/03/2019 21:58

Police definately . It never ceases to amaze me how schools expect students to put up with things that they as adults wouldnt be prepared to . Watch out for the school to try and minimize and for your daughter to be told she musnt tell anyone and if she does she will be in trouble - sadly thats the usual pattern . Police will deal with it as should be dealt with and will be on record too. Hope your daughter is ok x

BlueSuffragette · 20/03/2019 22:00

Police. Ofsted. Social services. It is a safeguarding issue. No mediation. I would want charges pressed and boy excluded. Keep fighting for your daughter. Flowers

Loseitandkeepitlost · 20/03/2019 22:01

"Their issues" WTAF?

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 20/03/2019 22:01

Police definitely.
If this had happened in a workplace the perpetrator would most likely be sacked for gross misconduct.

TheBigFatMermaid · 20/03/2019 22:03

It seems to be all about protecting HIM, which is not how it should be.

I do fear that if you go to the police, they will contact the school and the school will tell them they are dealing with it, so they will not (bitter experience from horrendous bullying to my DD).

The only thing to do is to put any complaint in writing to the school, which they will be obliged to file and OFSTED will have to review. Hopefully that will prompt correct action.

SockPortal · 20/03/2019 22:03

Please call the police.

I was sexually assaulted at school, it was swept under the carpet by the school. The boy who did was just banned from sitting next to me.

I still have issues because of this. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I feel for you and your daughter.

BoneyBackJefferson · 20/03/2019 22:05

Report to the police, their will be some sort of reason that the school can't exclude.

sam221 · 20/03/2019 22:05

I echo what all the other posters, have advised-this is a police. Call 101 now, there are trained officer who will help your family.
I would advise against attending any mediation, do tell your daughter to not make or accept any contact with the boy. So no texting, snapchatting, Whatsapp or through friends.
Get her to write everything down, in her own words-with no prompting.
Also any therapy should wait until your daughter knows how the police intend to proceed with this matter [unfortunately sometimes cases can be lost/dismissed if the victim has received therapy] Recollection of events have to be from the victim and not lead to in any shape.
I really feel for your daughter but she is lucky to have you in her corner. Give her tons of hugs, tea and chocolate. Above all else and i know you will-reinforce that she is not at any fault, that she is stronger and will get through this and win.

Petalflowers · 20/03/2019 22:06

I can’t believe they expect the boy to have lessons with her again.

Definitely read up on their bullying policy.

Hope dd is okay, and well done to you all for reporting it to the school.

Leeeeemon36 · 20/03/2019 22:06

No to mediation, your DD is a victim here. Would you put victim of a rape with her perpetrator in one room to “ mediate”?

Police yes, he needs to realize this is very serious.
School needs to realize they have cocked up massively.

So sorry OP, they put your DD in awful position.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 20/03/2019 22:08

Police. And then County Council, Ofsted, DfE and formal complaint, regarding the schools piss poor safeguarding

This ^

I'm so sorry your DD has had to experience this - it is horrible beyond belief.

why would your DD feel ashamed? MTG - the girl shouldn't feel ashamed - but unfortunately, she does. It is horrible, disgusting and it IS shaming. Many, if not most, women and girls feel shamed at the thought of people knowing what has happened.

She has been tremendously courageous to even tell her mother, and reporting it to the school. And now the school is effectively dismissing what has happened - as another PP has said - mediation implies that there is fault on her side too.

THERE ISN'T.

Report this vile boy. Involve the police - you don't know what action they will rake, but it will be put on record, and it might encourage other victims come forward, or even prevent him from doing this again to someone else. And if he doesn't want it spoken about, reporting will make sure that everyone knows how disgusting he is.

knackeredandneedwine · 20/03/2019 22:08

I was sexually assaulted at secondary school and after being interviewed by school they came to the conclusion that it was just “kids being kids”. They didn’t even inform my parents (who actually did nothing other than accept schools explanation when I told them). 20 years on and it still effects me. Not so much what happened but how the adults responded to it and how let down I felt that no one stood up or supported me. Your daughter is lucky to have you supporting her and you defineitly shouldn’t let the school brush it under the carpet.

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