Sexual assault in school

[WeakAsIAm]

So my 15 DD has been sexually assaulted by another pupil during a lesson at school.
The incident has been reported to the school and the boy has been removed from shared lessons.

I've met with the school today; the boy will return to normal lessons in 2 weeks, my DD has been offered mediation with the boy before he returns to discuss their issues.

During the meeting I was so upset for my DD that I just wanted to get her out of there and make sure she was safe.

Now the anger has set in, AIBU to think the school should be doing more about this and not passing it off as a slight misdemeanour?

I really want an example setting of this boy, I feel he should be permanently excluded, be reported to the police and let this be an example to all other pupils this behaviour is not acceptable.

Am I over reacting, I don't feel I am but I'm so upset about it maybe I'm not thinking straight?

If I am reasonable how can I get the school to take this seriously?

[WhatWouldChristineCagneyDo]

You have given them the opportunity to report this CRIME to the police and they have failed in their duty to do so. They are more concerned about reputation management than your DD. They do not get to decide whether an indecent assault is a crime or not.

So now you must do it yourself.

[Motherofcreek]

They are more concerned about reputation management than your DD. They do not get to decide whether an indecent assault is a crime or not

This

[cantkeepawayforever]

I am genuinely surprised that the school has not reported to the police, following their own written policy.

I would agree with other posters that you now need to do so yourself, informing the school (and the chair of Governors, urgently - ie as soon as you have made the report) that, as the school has not followed its own policy on sexual assault, you have had to take this step. make it clear that you expect them to co-operate fully with the police enquiry, as you would expect them to had they followed their own policy.

The referral should have been to social care AND the police - which is IIRC what the policy states.

[ASauvignonADay]

I haven't RTWT but have read all of your posts OP. This definitely needed a referral to social care and/or the police. Often reporting to one results in a referral/report to the other.

Re sanctions - I wonder what the school's policy/stance on exclusions is? Some schools/areas are anti-exclusion and will use other methods. Schools in our area very rarely permanently exclude. There may already be safeguarding issues or a reason for him to be isolated/excluded internally rather than a formal fixed term exclusion. Can't quite tell from your posts whether this has happens. Out of lessons for 2 weeks does sound like it though.

They also need to follow with educational input (awareness etc).

[dreichuplands]

I just wanted to say that if a social care s47 investigation is carried out then it won't all be about the alleged absuser. Dd would be spoken to about what happened and be asked if she is prepared to make a statement to the police. If she said yes then the police process would run alongside any investigation into the circumstances of the alleged perpetrator. It is unlikely that social care would keep dd's case open if it was a school incident and she was well supported at home.

[Rinoachicken]

Police 100%. When it comes to things like this School’s are all about damage limitation and reputation management. They’d WILL want it downplayed and minimised, hope it all blows over and everyone can just forget about it and move on.

But your DD doesn’t get to just forget and move on. As her mum, you must not allow them to pressure her into ‘forget about it and move on’. This isn’t a falling out between mates. This was a sexual assault on their premises and they WILL seek to brush it under the carpet. No school wants Ofsted and their local community to know that there’s is a school where children aren’t safe and are sexually assaulted, they will try and keep it quiet. They will put pressure on your daughter to not talk about it, which will doubtless add to her feelings of shame and like it’s something that needs to be hidden. So so damaging. You must report it to the police. How you deal with this now will have a huge impact on how well your daughter emotionally recovers from this, both now and in the future.

[ASauvignonADay]

When it comes to things like this School’s are all about damage limitation and reputation management. They’d WILL want it downplayed and minimised, hope it all blows over and everyone can just forget about it and move on.
Not necessarily. Better to show that you've taken something seriously and dealt with it properly. When we've had a serious incident we usually make a point of it and message it in assemblies etc so others learn it is taken seriously and not tolerated.

[Tempnamech4nge]

Police matter without a doubt, I'd report it to them OP.

[ukgift2016]

Children social care will report it to the police if they find out he is a risk to the other girls at the school and this was not a one off incident.

[JazzyBBG]

Why not the police though what is their reasoning?

Bearing in mind my one interaction with social care is when they couldn't spell my nephew's name right, get his ethnicity right or even close a case, I can't say I'd be optimistic.

[UniversalAunt]

Social care? That serious, that much ?
How much of a priority will this case be?
Not much, I reckon.

What will change for your daughter & the students at the school ?

Reporting this to the police will bring action.
It may be no more than interviews as charge might not be possible.
But at least it will be taken seriously- important for your daughter & the students at school.

Who knows, it may bring an opportunity for helpful discussion between pupils, staff & parents about acceptable behaviour. Hopefully the germ of a zero tolerance culture built on consensus will grow into a happier & safer school.

Importantly, active intervention may significantly reduce the odds of him doing the same, or worse, to another student.

Please go talk to the police.

[coconutpie]

You need to report this to the police.

[TalkingintheDark]

Well done on making some progress. I wonder if they would have even reported it to Social Care without your intervention.

That updated government guidance so helpfully linked to by MurielPritchett upthread is very clear:

The police will be important partners where a crime might have been committed. Where a report of rape, assault by penetration or sexual assault is made, the starting principle is that this should be referred on to the police. Whilst the age of criminal responsibility is ten, if the alleged perpetrator is under ten, the starting principle of reporting to the police remains. The police will take a welfare, rather than a criminal justice approach in these cases.
• Referrals to the police will often be a natural progression of making a referral to children’s social care.

So there you have it.

It’s the starting principle.

I think you need to quote this at them, WeakAsIAm, if they don’t escalate it automatically. And if they still don’t do it, then can you see yourself doing it instead? How does your DD feel about reporting it?

Good to know that everyone’s comments are bolstering your resolve. It’s very hard when you’re actually in the situation.

And yes, as everyone else has said, “mediation”. FFS.

[TalkingintheDark]

That’s on p19 of that document, for anyone who's interested.
Part four: Responding to reports of sexual violence and sexual harassment - para 43.

[Smelborp]

I would also report this to the police. I had similar incidents as a child and I wish that the boy who did it had had more than a telling off.

[HotChocLit]

Op. I'd not want my daughter in any school that condoned indecent assault.

[Greyponcho]

Your poor DD! She’s done the brave thing by speaking up about it.
When I was in year 8 or 9, I was grabbed in the crotch in a rammed stairwell in school, by a lad in the year above me - his mates were with him and laughing.
It was poorly handled - had to walk past his lunch table and tell the teacher which one did it (not subtle at all, even though I had already identified him from a more comfortable distance). He denied it. Nothing remarkable happened and it was not mentioned again.
To this day, even 20 years later I’m still in the dark as to what the actual outcome was

[Zippetydoodahzippetyay]

Well done on not letting the school sweep it under the carpet OP. Their initial response was revolting tbh. Mediation with someone who has assaulted you? F*ck that. Keep at them and don't be afraid to make demands eg. That the boy not be in any classes with your DD. And it should be him not her who is made to change classes if necessary. I would also be filing an official complaint about their handling of it.

[ASauvignonADay]

I will add - the response from the police we've had on a couple of sexual assault or harassment type incidents weren't as 'harsh' as I had expected. Just words of advice at their home addresses. I had expected them to be more heavy handed. I don't want to give exact details as it's outing but one was an incident like this and one involved indecent photos.

[user1471462428]

Just a follow up to earlier post, my friend who works in forensic mental health told me that often the offenders in sexual assault have been victims themselves. Several police forces have a youth team to help identify these children and refer them for counselling etc. By pressing for police intervention you may well stop future assaults. My daughter’s abuser was well under the age of criminal responsibility but we’re convinced he is being abused. It made the lack of interest from school and social services all the more worrying.

[PurplePattern]

I am really sorry to hear that you have to practically "fight" the school for this to be taken as the sexual assault crime that it is.

I do understand that it is awful for you, but I do agree with above posters: They are more concerned about reputation management than your DD. They do not get to decide whether an indecent assault is a crime or not

This is really sad, and not how it should be. You want to feel fully supported by the school, sadly not the case here. They are looking out for themselves, not your DD.

Please inform the police.

[mcmen71]

My daughter was physically assaulted at school by a girl in february I know it is completely different to your case and my heart goes out to you and your daughter.
The school was the same I had to chase after them all the time to get it sorted the girl got 2 weeks suspension even after it was all over social media which in their rules had said this was a crimnal offense but school did not handle it like this. They put the girl back in her class after the suspension until I emailed and said this was not good enough so they moved the other girl for most of the classes. Schools just want to keep everything quite. They told me the police will just tell you to sort it out with school and as I was afraid for my girl I did not involve the police as thought the girl would get her outside of school if I involved the police. This has really affected me badly as parents we want to protect our children and feel we haven't done a good job when someone can sexually or physically assault them.

[OKBobble]

weakasIam how is your DD doing?

[MissEliza]

If he did this outside school, he'd be reported to the police. I don't see why it should be minimised because it happened on school grounds. Also I can't understand why this boy hasn't been excluded. In our school, you'd receive at least an internal exclusion for getting in a serious fight. He has received no punishment at all.

[Missingstreetlife]

User1471.... isn't it funny how loads of girls are abused but don't abuse anyone, but boys turn into abusers? Loads of people are abused and never hurt anyone. This isn't a 5 year old acting out, it's a 15 year old predatory male, even if he has been abused he knows it's wrong and should not be treated a victim first. His issues should be dealt with but he is offending. That needs attention.
Op stop messing about and call the police.