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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Circumcision

606 replies

muma19 · 20/03/2019 15:54

DP wants DS circumcised however I don't. I also have MIL getting involved and pressuring me. What do I do? I want to be fair to my partner but I really don't want him veg for circumcised. HELP!!!!

OP posts:
JellycatElfie · 20/03/2019 15:55

What are his reasons for wanting it?

TheQueef · 20/03/2019 15:55

Why do they want circumcision? Religious or medical need?

Original poster
muma19 · 20/03/2019 15:56

@JellycatElfie because he has been done and thinks it's cleaner

OP posts:
Original poster
muma19 · 20/03/2019 15:56

@TheQueef not medical more cultural

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 20/03/2019 15:57

Washing will keep it clean too! I wouldn't want it either tbh

TheQueef · 20/03/2019 15:57

My opinion is don't then.
Unnecessary and unreasonable.

JellycatElfie · 20/03/2019 15:58

What cultural reasons does he have? Are his family all circumcised too? I don’t see how it’s any cleaner either way tbh?

Original poster
muma19 · 20/03/2019 15:58

@dementedpixie my point exactly

OP posts:
AmIRightOrAMeringue · 20/03/2019 15:58

Could you call whoever does it and see if you can make an appointment to go and discuss it with them. And agree to discuss between you after that (without Mil input as not her decision). Maybe once a medical professional explains it's not 'cleaner' and the risks involved he will change his mind. Or you may. But at least you'd both know all the facts and risks etc

Magenta82 · 20/03/2019 15:59

He wants to mutilate his child because he was mutilated himself. He is being VVVVU

Original poster
muma19 · 20/03/2019 15:59

@JellycatElfie all of the boys in his family have been done. It is very common in African culture and whilst I am mixed race I really don't see the need and don't appreciate being pressured by MIL.

OP posts:
ShowOfHands · 20/03/2019 15:59

He's right. It is cleaner. At the same time, can you get some other bits removed? There are lots of body parts that get dirty. I'd look at removing a few fingers at the very least. Likewise, it's important the baby matches its Dad as far as possible. Cosmetic surgery will help with this.

Or...

He can encourage his son to wash and be his own person.

DoneLikeAKipper · 20/03/2019 16:00

There is zero reason for circumcision unless medical. It’s not cleaner, healthier or better for a male in anyway. Some people still believe fairytales and nonsense, are you seriously considering cutting bits off your son to appease such silly old beliefs?

Original poster
muma19 · 20/03/2019 16:01

@AmIRightOrAMeringue this is a very good idea thank you.

@DoneLikeAKipper no I am 100% against this but because I feel like I'm being pressured I started to think maybe IWBU so came here for reassurance I guess

OP posts:
Original poster
muma19 · 20/03/2019 16:02

@ShowOfHands ha yes in that case just take all limbs off please

OP posts:
celtiethree · 20/03/2019 16:02

Get him to watch American Circumcision on Netflix that should change his mind. If you don’t want it done then stay firm it should have nothing to do with your MIL.

MeredithGrey1 · 20/03/2019 16:02

because he has been done and thinks it's cleaner

If he had it done as a baby, what can he be basing this on? He doesn't have anything to compare it to,

And agree to discuss between you after that (without Mil input as not her decision)

Agreed, I'd be telling him I am happy to sit down and discuss it, but that I want him to tell his mother its our decision, not hers.

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 20/03/2019 16:02

What you do is to put your foot down and not have him circumcised.

Order654 · 20/03/2019 16:03

It’s unnecessary so I’d be saying no.

Medical need then yes but otherwise it’s pointless

Almostalive · 20/03/2019 16:03

I have one ds who was circumcised due to medical needs, one who isn't as no medical reason. I think it's unnecessary pain if not a medical requirement. Good luck x

Magenta82 · 20/03/2019 16:03

@muma19
You wouldn't need reassurance if you were talking about a daughter.

I know that male genital mutilation is legal and seen as more culturally acceptable than female but it is still wrong and unnecessary. Please stay firm and protect your son.

DoneLikeAKipper · 20/03/2019 16:04

no I am 100% against this

Then be a good parent and put your foot firmly down. Save at least one child from being unnecessarily mutilated in the name of ‘culture’.

stacktherocks · 20/03/2019 16:04

Honestly, the person who doesn’t want their child to have a part of their body cut off wins in this situation.

I would be very very wary he doesn’t get it done without your permission. Perhaps go to the doctors and ensure it’s on file that you do not consent to him being circumcised. I reckon if he’s gonna do it he’ll get it done somewhere that doesn’t have access to nhs records but you can at least try cover one base.

Look up the law re whether one parent alone can provide consent or if both need to.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 20/03/2019 16:04

I thought it was cleaner and reduced (not stopped) the transmission of some STIs?

I think circumcision was fairly common in the upper classes until very recently?

And there ends my totally unverified nonsense knowledge on the subject.

Don’t cut bits off your baby.

WisdomOfCrowds · 20/03/2019 16:05

I guess it depends how strongly you feel about it. I personally believe it its abhorrent and should be illegal so for me there's be no discussing it, weighing up pros and cons etc, it'd be a firm and final no. If it came to it id have left my partner and not put him on the birth certificate to make 100% sure he couldn't make any medical choices like that. But if you feel less strongly then I guess you could agree to go discuss it with a doctor. Personally though id just say no and refuse to discuss it any further.