Circumcision

[muma19]

DP wants DS circumcised however I don't. I also have MIL getting involved and pressuring me. What do I do? I want to be fair to my partner but I really don't want him veg for circumcised. HELP!!!!

We had this conversation

DH "I've been thinking about circumcision.. [witters on]

me: no. not happening.

Someone needs to tell his mother to mind her own business. It is genital mutilation.

Why is FGM illegal but male circumcision on babies is not? Genuine question btw. I'm curious.

My stance would be absolutely no way and if he didn't like it then tough.

The biggest job for a parent is to protect their child. The hardest people to protect their child from are the ones who mean well.

My DS is now 20. So far as I am aware he and DH have never compared their penises. One is circumcised the other isnt.

I am very anti circumcision. No way would I be letting this happen to my son.

Examples:

Self-Mutilation;

Man decides he wants tattoos.
Woman decides she wants a clit piercing.
Man decides he wants his foreskin removed.

Child Mutilation;

Boy has his foreskin cut off with his parents wishes.
Girl has her clit cut with her parents wishes.

Let the boy decide when he is an adult. Unless he is dying it is not rocket science.

Most doctors won’t perform this op anyway unless for medical reasons, which are rare. Stick to your guns, absolutely refuse to mutilate your son.

One of my favourite topics. I am male though my name is not Arnold.

IMHO male circumcision is equivalent to FGM and in this country it should be made a crime. The only time that MGM should be allowed to take place is if a consultant urologist (not a backstreet GP) produces a report detailing medical evidence to support the need for the operation.

I dont give a toss about religious or cultural reasons. If anyone wants their male child brutalised for religious or cultural reasons then maybe they can go and have it done in a country that permits it.

The old cleaner argument is rubbish. The other day i was thinking of trimming off my ear lobes with some nice pinking shears as i was getting fed up of washing in them. Also i may shave my entire body regularly.

I am uncut thank God and i am scrupulously clean because i know where the bathroom is. Of course there are degrees and i dont have a "sock" of skin hanging over mine and could easily be mistaken for being cut.

Everyone everywhere bangs on about body autonomy (rightly so may I add).
This choice should NOT be taken away from the little boy. His body. His choice.
Let him decide when he's older. Full stop.

100% agree, Arnold. I have had sex with a number of circumcised men and uncut. There's no real difference, it retracts, you know .

I refused to have my son done and in response to pressure from MIL - over
my dead body! (Jewish). If he needed it for medical reasons then so be it after exploring all options but not just because they say so. Stand firm, don't let them pressure you

“have sex only with your legal wife and choose a good wife who won't cheat on you.”

(I’m off to select a good wife right now ).

It is not medically necessary at this time.

Your DH should be aware that the foreskin is firmly attached to the penis at this time. (Normally it retracts at around preschool age, occasionally not until puberty.) To circumcise a baby they have to literally tear the foreskin off the penis. Ask him if he thinks this would be acceptable.

THIS.

It's amazing how many medical professionals either don't understand this simple fact or have ulterior motives. They wouldn't dream of suggesting that your baby daughter urgently needs implants because she has no breasts or hormones because she isn't menstruating - or expressing alarm at babies of either sex because they aren't very tall, or urgently referring them for speech therapy as they aren't talking.

There may be medical need for intervention, such as in cases of hypospadias or if the opening of the penis hasn't formed for some reason, but these are very much the minority of cases where it's claimed that surgery is required.

As for saying that it's cleaner, this is one of several 'reasons' commonly put forward by proponents of FGM. Imagine the gunk that could collect beneath your eyelids if you didn't automatically remove those at birth....

Bodies, like many things in life, get dirty. The solution is to regularly clean them. Maybe we in the West should get rid of toilets and just squat over a hole in the ground - much simpler than having to remember to clean them, eh?

It is a very emotive subject. My DH and all his family are done (due to being north american) and my father (due to his age, it was common then ) and my BIL (medical reasons) and they are all happy, so I did consider it for my DS, however when looking into it, just to get more information, it was impossible to find any medical person who would even consider doing the procedure.
DS is consequently not done, however it's up to you and your DH to decide.

This thread will kick off though, as circumcision ones always do.

I came on to this thread to see if there are any actually good reasons to get this done (bar being for medical reasons)
It looks like there aren’t any!

Sorry op, but it’s no better than FGM. It’s barbaric to have it done for no reason (thinking it’s cleaner is not a valid reason)

You must defend your child from this monstrous act. Seriously, if I was in your shoes I’d be giving dp the “push this and you’ll never see your child again” lecture. It’s child abuse.

In case you didn’t hear, IT IS CHILD ABUSE ON A PAR WITH FEMALE GENITAL MUTILATION

The next time she brings it up tell your MIL that you're not going to mutilate your baby just because she was too lazy to teach her son how to wash. Should shut her up.

I sympathise OP as I am facing the same issue re my unborn. I was totally against it but having talked it over I do have some sympathy for DP's point of view, every male in his family is circumcised and to him it's part of his culture. He worries about what will happen when LO realises that he is "different" from all the other men in his family and how it will affect his sense of identity and attachment to that side of his heritage. Nevertheless it's still not going to happen unless LO decides in time that he wants it, I just can't bear the idea.

Some of the responses on here are silly though - it's not helpful to throw out comments like "it should be illegal", "it's abuse/mutilation", you don't have to want it for your own child but a significant proportion of the world's population consider it part of their religion/culture and it's clearly not that harmful.

We would have most likely had to have had a boy circumcised due to what appears to be a genetic issue. We spoke to a doctor about it. I felt incredibly guilty about even thinking about it.

Fortunately we had a girl and the situation never arose.

I would NEVER consider a circumcision for anything other than medical reasons.

OP,,please protect your child and save him from this abuse..

I married someone from a different culture who had been done as a baby, it was discussed and I said no. I'm of the belief we don't own our children but just there to guide and take care of, not to mutilate.

Anyway that baby is 23 and doing a PhD, I asked him his thoughts and it was definitely that he is pleased to have his bits intact.

I was circumcised at age 7 and it is cleaner, and the girls I've been with said they preferred it (of course, they may have been merely humouring me) - I prefer not having a foreskin and wouldn't reverse it.

How many of the 'girls' did you sleep with before the age of 7 and then again later in life so that they were in a position to judge their preference? None, I very much hope and trust.

I don't know the reason why you had it done and, as adults, we can all have a 'type', but I wonder what they would have said if they'd got undressed and you expressed happiness or disappointment at the 'neatness' or 'compactness' or otherwise of their genitals.

Surely, you get intimate with somebody because of mutual attraction of various kinds - physical, personality, how they treat you etc - I would have thought that expressing a preference based on whether one of you does or doesn't have a normal flap of skin is overspecific in the extreme. It's like saying you find Robs or Kevins much more attractive than Tims or Jacks.

He worries about what will happen when LO realises that he is "different" from all the other men in his family and how it will affect his sense of identity and attachment to that side of his heritage.

Unless they all line up with their todgers out, how the hell would he ever know?

I'd refuse. let the child decide when older. Its also painful and doesn't happen without risks.