Circumcision

[muma19]

DP wants DS circumcised however I don't. I also have MIL getting involved and pressuring me. What do I do? I want to be fair to my partner but I really don't want him veg for circumcised. HELP!!!!

I would just keep arguing the point that it may be his culture but it isn't yours, why does his opinion trump yours when you are both DS's parents? You could also argue that waiting, until DS is old enough to decide himself or until your DH's predicted hygiene issues become apparent (i.e. never), means you could still change your minds whereas doing it now is final. Of course the fact that it would cause your baby unnecessary pain and you simply don't want to do that should be enough but I know it often isn't

Circumcision is the norm in my culture. I said no. I got a bit of pushback but made it clear I had thought deeply about it and it was not up for discussion. In fact I didn’t have to think all that deeply once the baby was here. Be strong and protect your son.

I would be very very wary he doesn’t get it done without your permission.
Why? OP has said nothing to indicate her dp would think of doing anything of the sor.

Thanks everyone. I am going to stand firm it's not happening. MIL can be as pissed as she likes. DP isn't as pushy as her but if he doesn't like it then tough. Not happening.

It is abuse.

It may be a cultural norm but it is abusive as the baby cannot content to having its body mutilated.

Tell your DH your compromise is that your DS can choose it as an adult and you will be fine with that.

Tell your MIL this is none of her business and she will not be involved in any of your discussions about it.

@Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis he would never do this, he hasn't been pushy when it comes to this subject he has let me know his preference and if I didn't want too then it wouldn't happen. MIL has brought it up more than him. She cornered me today as I was leaving with DP for a private 'girls' chat again today.

I would jail anyone who mutilates the genitals of a child for any non medical need

Where I am it is the norm although think (hope) it is changing. I have told DH that I dont want our baby circumcised if it is a boy. The literature from the hospital says it is easier to clean, slightly lowers risk or UTI, lowers risk of STIs and lowers risk of penile cancer. I always thought that these things were negligible though, anyone know?

I agree with you though op, stand your ground, I will be (but DH agreed with me anyway).

It makes me so cross that it’s acceptable to mutilate a baby boy’s genitals. If he wants to be circumcised he should be able to make that decision for himself when he is an adult.

As a previous poster said, watch American Circumcision.

It is not medically necessary at this time.

Your DH should be aware that the foreskin is firmly attached to the penis at this time. (Normally it retracts at around preschool age, occasionally not until puberty.) To circumcise a baby they have to literally tear the foreskin off the penis. Ask him if he thinks this would be acceptable.

If it needs to be done later, it is done under a general anesthetic.

For now, just clean it as you would a finger. When DS is old enough, HE can retract it to HIS comfort level.

As far as STIs, there is a very simple solution: have sex only with your legal wife and choose a good wife who won't cheat on you. If everyone had sex only with a spouse and chose a good one we would end STIs within a generation.

Your baby boy is born perfect, he does not need parts of his genitals peeled off. Tell the dad to be a dad and teach him to wash his bits. Never harm a baby unless there's a medical reason for it.

My opinions on circumcision aside, I think the parent who doesn't want an unnecessary procedure wins against the parent who does.

Say no. The only person who has the right to consent to non medically indicated circumcision is the owner of the penis, in this case, your son.
In the UK consent of both parents is legally required, and I would make it very clear that I would go to the police if that was breached (just in case anyone was planning any sneaky business).

Why? OP has said nothing to indicate her dp would think of doing anything of the sort

Just came to mind because he’s got his mother on side too pressuring the OP. If she’s the sole voice saying ‘no’ with several relatives all pushing for it to be done I would be worried, yes, that it’d be done behind her back. It clearly means a lot to him and his mother so i’d be concerned and take defensive measures just in case, if he was still pushing when I’d said no. This is her son’s body we’re talking about. It’s an irreversible procedure.

Tell dh and mil to be fair to ds you will let him decide when he is older what happens to his OWN foreskin...

If ds was dd, would they still be expecting the baby to be cut?

Not reasonable in either sex.

I never considered circumcision for a second, medical need is the only reason for this procedure. Teach your child how to keep himself clean and leave his body intact. Good luck.

Fuck me "choose a good wife" is there a fucking store?

Alternatively, have sex with whoever the hell you want and practice safe sex.

Condoms also reduce risk of STIs so I'd choose them over circumcision

It sounds like either you and DH need to tell MIL, firmly and as a united front, that it isn't happening and the subject is closed or resign yourself to having to keep shrugging off the pressure she's putting on you. You will obviously know best which will work for you but you sound sure it's not what you want for DS so don't let her make you doubt yourself

he has let me know his preference and if I didn't want too then it wouldn't happen

Then he needs to tell his mother to back off, and make it clear its not a decision that requires her input (and certainly doesn't require her input many times over, despite being told no). If she's repeatedly pushing you to get a totally unnecessary medical procedure on your baby I imagine she'll be sticking her oar in on quite a few other decisions as well over the years, and I'd want it nipping in the bud.

As far as STIs, there is a very simple solution: have sex only with your legal wife and choose a good wife who won't cheat on you. If everyone had sex only with a spouse and chose a good one we would end STIs within a generation.

Only have sex with your legal wife? Have we gone back 100 years? Let’s hope the man doesn’t give his wife an STD in return .

Tell your MIL that she should stop obsessing about your DS' genitals, they are none of her business! Males in my family were circumcised even though they aren't religious, it was what you did and no one questioned it. I chose not to do this to DS either.

You need to consider the risks. Blood loss or infection can occasionally be fatal. On the other end there scaring, it being left too tight etc. Why cut and scar your baby unnecessarily. Your son won't thank you if a tight scar ruins his sex life when he's grown up.

Is your husband American OP? I only recently realised how incredibly common circumcision is in the United States - judging from popular culture, it's seen as the norm among adult men regardless of religion. I'm not sure whether the trend continues with babies.

I'd be dead set against it too. The child can choose for himself when he's older if he wants the procedure, which, if you're raising him in the UK, strikes me as incredibly unlikely.