Circumcision

[muma19]

DP wants DS circumcised however I don't. I also have MIL getting involved and pressuring me. What do I do? I want to be fair to my partner but I really don't want him veg for circumcised. HELP!!!!

I work in a primary school and we have regular awareness training on issues like FGM. I happened to mention that I felt circumcision without medical need was as bad. I was gobsmacked that most others jumped to it's defence! It takes a long time to shift popular opinion.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll. I understand what you mean. It was a "decision" in as much as before our first child was born (and we didn't know the sex beforehand) we were bombarded with information both pro and con circumcision. It was also a lot more common in the country we were living in at the time, so we were trying to wade through all the dire predictions of what might happen (STDs, scarring, even penile cancer) to determine what was best decision at that time.

I would honestly be worried about leaving my DS alone with a MIL who doesn’t seem to get the message and respect your wishes.

Same arguments as the anti-vaccinators. I assume those who say its barbaric or mutilation also don't vaccinate so trying to educate is futile.

Nonsense, my DC are fully vaccinated and I think circumcision is barbaric.

How common is penile cancer? Not very.
STDs? Being circumcised is the not the most effective way to prevent them.

It is ridiculous to suggest DP or MIL will secretly circumcise the baby. TONS of people are circumcised, they don’t behave in that way. The MIL would be charged with assault the father lose his wife and possibly access to his child. They think differently they aren’t animals.

This is just hypothetical but if your DH had a day off whilst you were at work and took DS to a practitioner and had him cut, when you returned from work, could you go to the police station, report an assault and have him arrested and charged or would they not take it seriously? Who would they arrest? Your DH , the practitioner or both and what might the charges be?

How common is penile cancer? Not very.
STDs? Being circumcised is the not the most effective way to prevent them
Nonsense, my DC are fully vaccinated and I think circumcision is barbaric
You did read the link that eth CDC says circumcision is healthier than not? That the CDC says vaccinating is healthier than not? That the risks of the most severe STDs is death? From your posts I guess you didn't.

It's genital mutilation. Don't do it.

They wouldn’t arrest anyone but I doubt you’d live in harmony afterwards.

CDC findings are not in line with health guidelines from other countries and reflect the strong bias in the US towards circumcision: www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/17441692.2016.1184292?scroll=top&needAccess=true

How old is your baby / child?

I established before pregnancy that no child I gave birth to would be circumcised unless there was a medical need. e.g tight foreskin beyond puberty, constant balinitis etc.

In your shoes OP I would seek advice on whether you can legally stop your DP doing this. Is he in the birth certificate? I would get it put on the child's medical notes that you withhold consent for circumcision.

I understood that it is hard to get an elective circumcision on the national health these days as it is not approved as necessary, but I suppose that communities which favour it know of private doctors that would do it?

Do you have any concern that MIL would persuade DP to go secretly to a private clinic?

@greenpop21 I agree, and that's why when our son was born we decided against it. However when our first child was due (25 years ago) we didn't have access to the information that is available now, and were regaled with what you could say were old wives tales, of what could go wrong if we didn't do it. Different generation.

Why wouldnt they arrest anyone? Who is the decider with regard to medical procedures? Can either parent make an autonomous decision or must both agree? I think this would be an interesting test of the law. The procedure was non essential . Has an assault taken place? The child is unable to consent. One parent consents, the other doesnt.

Arnold both parents must give consent to elective circumcision, though not other procedures.
jme.bmj.com/content/30/3/259

We had arguments aout this before DS was born. ( proper big arguments with research papers being thrown across the room at each other).
Well DS was born DH is a typical man so of course it was never done. I stayed quite and got my way. But no way in hell was I ever going to concent to that one. I also didn’t have MIL on my case as to be honest she had probably forgotten about having her own son done and certainly wouldn’t have thought of it.
You have my sympathy but you don’t agree to it you never give concent and it will not be on NHS so would actually take effort to organize. Loose the MIL as that’s probably your biggest risk here.
Don’t do it though!

OK, I have just checked a London clinic offering circumcision - CircumcisionPRO . Interestingly, under their heading 'Health Benefits' they use weasel words ("supporters of circumcision have cited benefits") but say they do not advocate circumcision on general health grounds.

Under the Age Groups they have a section on consent which says both parents must be present and consent, or if a parent is unable to be present they must have a signed letter, with proof of signature.

I guess not all clinics would be so particular.

Missed FeelongVeryLazy's post about consent.

I would let it be known to your DP that it is not legal for one parent alone to consent, tell him it is not happening and that is that.

Then tell MIL the same and say the discussion has ended. And ignore any ensuing histrionics.

@room32 "it's clearly not that harmful"

Male circumcision literally kills more than 100 boys in the US alone each year.

It is mutilation!!!!! Would you cut off your daughter's clitorial hood just because someone told you too? This is a religious belief pushed on every other religion and nonreligious person. This is not about health!!!!!! Go ahead and cut off a part of your vagina first. Then ask if it seems right to you.

Thanks feelingverylazy for the BMJ link . A very interesting read. Any practitioner who has any sense wouldn't do this with both parental consents in writing. I wonder what happens in the case of estranged or absent parents? I think the judge on whom case law depends may have been biased and/or too cowardly to outlaw ritual circumcision.

Urgh.. are you American? There was a recent documentary and it's hideous and a lot of men were trying growing ( stretching ) their foreskin again and said sex was so much better with it . It's supposed to be there... please don't mutilate him.

Op We has it done to my DS. For religious reasons.

It’s definately cleaner as there is no sack or gaps for any dirt to accumulate.

However the procedure is quite hard to watch as a mother even though baby recovered from it quite quickly and he didn’t feel a thing to be honest.

I have no regrets but I do think you need to be gentle on yourself and discuss it together and tell him to wait till you feel ready. Alternatively it can wait for when the child is older (but will be more painful) or when the child is an adult and wants to decide for himself.

I don’t think it’s mutilation and it’s not considered as such so ignore all the fearmongering on here.

@LifeIsToughMate children taught to wash don't accumulate dirt.

Circumcision is nasty, cruel barbaric and child abuse.

It does not belong in a modern world at all.

Medical reason excepted.