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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with DS cello teacher

176 replies

DesperatelySeekingSu · 19/03/2019 21:49

I’ve found out that the other children in my sons cello lesson have been entered for their grade 1 but not DS9.

They are all at the same level and started at the same time.

I contacted the cello teacher to ask why and she was very blunt and I feel insensitive. She said she decided not to enter him as she doesn’t feel he works hard enough or takes his lessons seriously!

She also said he can’t play in tune and maybe should try guitar or percussion! I believe his scales and pieces are up to scratch and feel he has been singled out.

I don’t agree or feel satisfied with this response, should I contact her employers to ask for further investigation?

OP posts:
worldsbestprocrastinator · 19/03/2019 21:52

What feedback have you had before now? Is this the first you've heard about there being a problem?

altiara · 19/03/2019 21:54

Bloody hell, I’d be satisfied with that response!

Crockof · 19/03/2019 21:54

Face up to it. She isn't being mean or singling out your child just being honest. He isn't up to the grade

Original poster
DesperatelySeekingSu · 19/03/2019 21:54

Yes this is the first time I’m aware of a problem

OP posts:
BlueSuffragette · 19/03/2019 21:55

Have you asked your son if he enjoys learning the cello? Maybe he does mess about or not concentrate in class. If she feels hes not up to it then why would you want to enter him for the exam? If he sat it and failed then what? Maybe ask your son what he'd really like to do instead.

Smoggle · 19/03/2019 21:55

Why would she lie?

Crunchymum · 19/03/2019 21:55

What a bourgeoisie non issue.

He is just crap at the Cello !!!!

LIZS · 19/03/2019 21:56

Maybe he does mess about or lacks focus during lessons. Does he practice at home? Are the lessons at school or through a music service?

Littlefish · 19/03/2019 21:56

Do you want her to lie and say that he's great?

If she doesn't think he's up to grade 1 standard, then it's pointless him taking the exam.

Whilst you might want her to put it more sensitively, you should listen to her feedback. What do you think is wrong with what she said to you? The way she said it, or the actual information.

String instruments are challenging to learn, and to be successful, you really need to be able to hear when you are playing sharp or flat. It sounds like your ds might do better on an instrument which doesn't require this skill.

HoneysuckIejasmine · 19/03/2019 21:56

If she doesn't think he'll pass, which clearly is the case, there's no point entering him. What does your son say?

MamaWeasel · 19/03/2019 21:56

Perhaps he just isn't very good at it?

Original poster
DesperatelySeekingSu · 19/03/2019 21:57

I have asked my son and he enjoys lessons and practises at home.

I think maybe she just doesn’t like him.

He sounds good and knows his scales

OP posts:
Boyskeepswinging · 19/03/2019 21:57

When he practises at home does it sound out of tune?

Original poster
DesperatelySeekingSu · 19/03/2019 21:58

He’s in tune and I know he’s ready for his exam

OP posts:
howabout · 19/03/2019 21:59

No you should appreciate her honesty.

If your DS starts applying himself and it clicks into place then there is nothing to stop him catching up later. Grades do not have to be done sequentially. Worth asking him how he feels about his lessons. I am a string player and not really a fan of group lessons for this age as progress can be so variable depending on home support, pupil commitment, natural aptitude etc.

Jamhandprints · 19/03/2019 22:00

Oh dear, maybe cello is not for him. Did he want to do it or did you want him to? It is hard to accept that our children don't have the talents or abilities we want them to.

blue25 · 19/03/2019 22:00

She's being honest. What's the problem?

He obviously doesn't really engage or have a particular talent in cello, so perhaps spend your money elsewhere for him.

I think it's best for teachers to be upfront about these things rather than worry about offending parents.

peachgreen · 19/03/2019 22:00

His cello teacher obviously doesn't think he's ready for his exam and I suspect she might be better-placed to judge...

Boyskeepswinging · 19/03/2019 22:00

If you're that confident why don't you just enter him for the exam yourself?

Wolfiefan · 19/03/2019 22:00

Why aren’t you teaching him the cello then? Confused
A teacher wouldn’t refuse to put forward a child who was clearly capable of passing. I wonder if he’s messing about in lessons and not showing what he can actually do.

LimaLemur · 19/03/2019 22:01

Hi OP, ny feeling is that your DS’s teacher’s reply could certainly have been phrased in a kinder and more understanding way.

I think she is being very honest and upfront in her answer, which actually is quite helpful in the long run for you and your DS as it may mean he could become interested in an instrument that he enjoys more or in one that’s better suited to him (or that he becomes interested in totally different activities, outside of music, like sport, for example).

Also, she is saving you the cost of paying for a music exam that your DS may not pass (according to her). She’s not doing herself any favours through commenting on her DS’s progress, as she risks losing him as a student and therefore getting less income.

Original poster
DesperatelySeekingSu · 19/03/2019 22:01

The problem is I completely disagree with her opinion!

OP posts:
ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 19/03/2019 22:01

If she's worth her salt as a music teacher, she won't enter someone into an exam if they're not ready for it. It'd be a bad reflection on her as a teacher if he fails, not to mention it would cost you unnecessary exam fees. Also, music exams are really hard - they can be a daunting experience and if a child isn't taking their lessons seriously, then they're unlikely to take exam prep seriously.

It sounds like she's doing the right thing professionally, why would you want to force your son through an exam he's not ready for?

Starlight456 · 19/03/2019 22:01

Tbh . You sound like you can’t here any criticism of your Ds.

I would assume he isn’t up to the standard of the others .

Comefromaway · 19/03/2019 22:02

OP- are you a Musician?

The teacher won’t enter a student who isn’t capable of a good pass.