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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with DS cello teacher

176 replies

DesperatelySeekingSu · 19/03/2019 21:49

I’ve found out that the other children in my sons cello lesson have been entered for their grade 1 but not DS9.

They are all at the same level and started at the same time.

I contacted the cello teacher to ask why and she was very blunt and I feel insensitive. She said she decided not to enter him as she doesn’t feel he works hard enough or takes his lessons seriously!

She also said he can’t play in tune and maybe should try guitar or percussion! I believe his scales and pieces are up to scratch and feel he has been singled out.

I don’t agree or feel satisfied with this response, should I contact her employers to ask for further investigation?

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 19/03/2019 22:17

But you don’t see how he performs in the lessons.
Still think he’s pissing about.
Maybe he should try the recorder OP? Hmm

MitziK · 19/03/2019 22:17

If he has difficulty pitching on a fretless instrument, it would make perfect sense to learn with something fretted - being a quartertone out wouldn't be a disaster, but if he's consistently more than that out, or it's varying wildly, he would find it far more enjoyable to play something where it's much easier to know where to place your fingers.

It could also be an honest assessment of his personality, too - a very active, fidgety child is often better served by playing a different instrument - it wouldn't be a criticism of a child (especially if they're absentmindedly tapping their hands, feet and playing polyrhythms without knowing what they are) to look at them and think 'You'd enjoy drumming'. Same way, with some kids, you just know they'd be happier out front with the overdrive cranked up, rather than tucked away in the back playing the same eight notes over and over again - and some will be in their element at the back, looking cool and holding it down.

If you were to ask him, if he said he would actually prefer to learn drums or guitar, you can still put him through Gradings (although there are equally plenty of kids who never take a single one, as they aren't of a temperament to enjoy being examined and still get into university to study music without a single one, as they still understand theory and perform well on audition).

Try not to be upset. Use it as a way to have a nice chat with him and find out if he would like to keep at cello or whether, in his heart, he'd rather be doing something else.

Original poster
DesperatelySeekingSu · 19/03/2019 22:18

Ok for the posters who can’t read updates

I will enter him myself
I will find another cello teacher
Yes I am probably more qualified than his cello teacher

Problem solved
Thank you!

OP posts:
mellicauli · 19/03/2019 22:18

Our karate teacher did this. It means your son is a pain in the bum and isn't interested in what I have to teach him, please leave. Well it did in our case anyway.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 19/03/2019 22:18

Go for it then Su. Enter him for the exam.

Prove us all wrong.

burgundyjumper · 19/03/2019 22:18

I think maybe she just doesn't like him

Why?

DoneLikeAKipper · 19/03/2019 22:19

@DesperatelySeekingSu can you please answer my question, why not cut out the middle man and just teach him yourself?

safariboot · 19/03/2019 22:20

I think maybe she just doesn’t like him.

That is of course possible. Or DS might dislike the tutor, or both. I'd say consider another tutor, but unless you're in a big city I can't imagine there are loads of cello tutors.

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 19/03/2019 22:20

I don't see why you think you're probably more qualified than his teacher. Music snobbery is vile.

claraschu · 19/03/2019 22:20

I am also a violinist, OP, and I am wondering why you want your son to take music exams? I don't see any point to them- they seem quite destructive to me, and our kids never did them.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 19/03/2019 22:21

Do that then...!

Wolfiefan · 19/03/2019 22:25

So you’re more qualified than the cello teacher but you CBA to teach him so you’re going to pay another professional (and then come back and moan when they too say his attitude stinks?!)
Face
Palm.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 19/03/2019 22:26

Am with you there @claraschu DD is approx grade 7-8, have to say approx as she is a Suzuki student so hasn’t ever done a grade, doesn’t stop her loving it though-or auditioning for the conservatoire in a couple of months.
DS plays piano but will only okay things he likes so also no exams-he falls apart in those conditions so we agreed not to after he failed a clarinet exam by 1 mark (who ides that to a small child as an examiner?) and immediately gave up. So now he plays for pleasure-a much better way.

Amoregentlemanlikemanner · 19/03/2019 22:26

Love this thread!
Can you upload a recording of him playing OP?

Does the cello teacher know you are a demon fiddler?

Babygrey7 · 19/03/2019 22:26

Is this ABRSM?

If so you can enter him yourself, I think. Don't know if it is the same across strong instruments, but I have entered FS myself and found a piano accompanist through school

I'd be interested to know why you think she singled him out, why would a teacher do that? It is only if they are unlikely to pass, I think?

onionchucker · 19/03/2019 22:27

What qualifications does the cello teacher have?
You may well be right that you are better qualified than her.
Can I ask why you sent him to group lessons? Is it something the school is offering.
If you can find another teacher I would move him and see how he gets on with individual lessons. He could be just messing about in the group and playing any old thing when he has played well at home.
Does he have an intonation problem? A violinist qualified like you are will be able to identify intonation problems in any other instrument.

I'm a violinist btw.

gottastopeatingchocolate · 19/03/2019 22:27

Classic MN!!

eightoclock · 19/03/2019 22:27

Why are you bothered whether he does grade 1?
He can start with grade 2 if he continues with the current group and catches up.
Otherwise find another teacher.
Can't see the point of him doing the exam independently.
Are you sure you're not just a bit biased because he's your son? It really doesn't matter if he's a bit behind at age 9 - there's plenty of time to catch up.

Piggywaspushed · 19/03/2019 22:28

Your DS's age has changed by three years since your other posts on threads and your thread a week or so ago, OP ... Confused

Starlight456 · 19/03/2019 22:29

Glad we all helped you sort it all out 🤣🤣

DoneLikeAKipper · 19/03/2019 22:30

Piggywaspushed, ssshhh. The op is stressed, ok? Imagine being so musically gifted and your son (of varying age) turns out to be as talented as a ham-fisted goldfish on the cello. It’s not easy remembering your kids ages on top!

Ginger1982 · 19/03/2019 22:30

Your poor DS

Piggywaspushed · 19/03/2019 22:31

This is true.

C0untDucku1a · 19/03/2019 22:32

Popping in awaiting his result

totallyrandom · 19/03/2019 22:32

I am confused why people are giving you a hard time OP! It is GRADE 1! Not rocket science! Of course you can enter your son and he will pass with your help and maybe do really well. Find a teacher who "gets" him, maybe he is bored in the lesson. All that matters is that he enjoys playing and has a teacher that brings out the best in him. I have 2 string players (viola and violinst). My daughter aged 9 started the viola at the beginning of the term and at the end took her Grade 1 and got a high distinction (140/150) - admittedly she already played the piano and that must have helped. She practised 15-20 minutes on average a day and neither parent is very musical so can't help much. We used youtube and the ABRSM aural app to support her before the exam - she played along to you tube/tapped/sang along. Both mine play in orchestras, that helps them enjoy the instrument and the social side. They have lots of super talented friends who practise loads more than them and that helps motivate them too. Also, playing in front of others ie mini concerts has really helped my 7 year old who has just done his Grade 3. So much of it is "performance" and being comfortable with performing.

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