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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with DS cello teacher

176 replies

DesperatelySeekingSu · 19/03/2019 21:49

I’ve found out that the other children in my sons cello lesson have been entered for their grade 1 but not DS9.

They are all at the same level and started at the same time.

I contacted the cello teacher to ask why and she was very blunt and I feel insensitive. She said she decided not to enter him as she doesn’t feel he works hard enough or takes his lessons seriously!

She also said he can’t play in tune and maybe should try guitar or percussion! I believe his scales and pieces are up to scratch and feel he has been singled out.

I don’t agree or feel satisfied with this response, should I contact her employers to ask for further investigation?

OP posts:
Bookworm4 · 19/03/2019 22:02

Deary me, middle class worries 🙄😂
You know he's ready, are you a cello tutor? Of course you think that because your little pumpkin couldn't possibly not be good enough. It's only Grade 1 ffs Im sure he'll get it done soon enough.
Maybe he'd prefer guitar or rugby, must say I personally don't know of any little boys who play cello.

Crunchymum · 19/03/2019 22:02

Pay for him to have his exam independently then?

ScarletBitch · 19/03/2019 22:03

So you know more than his music tutor? Hmm

LIZS · 19/03/2019 22:03

Did you think he was ready before the others were registered or just because they are his peers? If you felt strongly did you ask about it. How long has he been playing?

DoneLikeAKipper · 19/03/2019 22:03

Maybe he sounds good to you, but some don’t have a musical ear. Do you listen to him practice? Is anyone else in the family musical or hear something different to what you do?

steff13 · 19/03/2019 22:03

Why would she dislike your son?

doodlejump1980 · 19/03/2019 22:04

It’s not just sounding good or knowing his scales though. How about sightreading? How about his aural tests? Is he playing the pieces musically? It’s a lot of money to waste if he’s not assured of a pass. No point going to her employers, she sounds like she’s got a lot to deal with if some aren’t towing their weight in lessons.

RedSkyLastNight · 19/03/2019 22:04

Do you have a musical background, OP? I don't and wouldn't have a clue whether a beginner cellist was good or not. How much practice does he do in an average week? How long has he been working on bis grade 1 pieces? If you're unhappy with the teacher, and your son enjoys playing,then why not look for a new teacher? Also bear in mind that it's perfectly fine just to play for fun, there is no necessity to worth through exams.

Malbecfan · 19/03/2019 22:04

Given the cost of music exams, I think you dodged a bullet! As a string player/teacher, I think they are much harder especially in the early grades to get the tuning right. Cello (and more so bass) are predominantly outside a child's vocal range and they can struggle to hear their tuning.

I suggest you record your child practising and listen back to it, perhaps with the teacher. Maybe then the tuning imperfections will be more apparent. You say his scales and pieces are "up to scratch". Do you have musical training or experience?

Finally, group lessons are far from ideal. If you and your DS are serious about the cello, individual lessons are the way to go. Both my kids had individual half hour lessons on bowed stringed instruments until they got to around grade 6 when they moved to 45 minutes/one hour depending on the child & teacher. Yes it cost more, but it meant that tuition went at their pace. I won't teach group instrumental lessons because they all learn differently.

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 19/03/2019 22:04

Enter him for the exam, that way uoulll know if he actually is up to it or not...

Crunched · 19/03/2019 22:04

As a Mother who was asked to remove DD1 from her piano lessons for similar reasons, I empathise... but realistically believe the teacher was correct.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 19/03/2019 22:04

Are you a qualified music teacher? Can you play the cello? If not then I rather suspect she knows more than you.

Original poster
DesperatelySeekingSu · 19/03/2019 22:05

Yes I do think I know better than his cello teacher from my qualifications and experience- good idea about entering him independently I’ll look into that 👍

OP posts:
Katebob22 · 19/03/2019 22:05

Find another teacher then.

Boom45 · 19/03/2019 22:06

Why would a professional, grown adult, music teacher deliberately not enter a pupil for a grade 1 exam because she doesn't like them? It sounds like its a group lesson, i assume once a week: not a huge amount of time to have taken such a dislike to him that she wants to sabotage his musical education even if she have a tendancy to punish the children she dislikes in that way.
She's told you her professional oppinion and even suggested alternative instruments she thinks might suit him better. It's more likely he's not progressing as quickly as other pupils isn't it?
And that doesn't necessarily mean he's not musical - I play a number of instruments still as an adult but when i took up the trumpet as a kid i struggled and my teacher suggested a change to the clarinet because he thought it would suit me better. He was right, it did and i did pretty well.

CantYouSleepLittleBear · 19/03/2019 22:07

Judging from what you've said, I'm assuming you're also a professional musician and qualified cello teacher, OP? Have you considered removing your son from the class of this inferior and ignorant woman and teaching him yourself?

Comefromaway · 19/03/2019 22:07

This has to be a reverse.

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 19/03/2019 22:07

Yes I do think I know better than his cello teacher from my qualifications and experience

OP - what are your qualifications and experience in this area?

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 19/03/2019 22:07

How often does he practice and is it the right practice? Does he like it?
My DS is also a cellist and was learning in school but found it not very productive so now he goes privately and he has simply flown having one to one-& as in there in lessons, I know what to look for /hear for-maybe that’s an option for you?

pasbeaucoupdegendarme · 19/03/2019 22:08

Classic mn!

OP: AIBU?

MN: YABU!

OP: IANBU!

I think the only appropriate acronym left is ODFOD.

Hamsternauts · 19/03/2019 22:08

It's better for them to only be entered if they are thought ready than to be entered prematurely and fail.
I can see it would be disappointing though but it does sound like she is suggesting cello isn't for him, so he could try another instrument or hobby?
Is his behaviour ok in lessons or is it just his effort she isn't happy with?

recrudescence · 19/03/2019 22:08

May all your troubles be this small.

Ginger1982 · 19/03/2019 22:09

You think you know better based on what?

Boom45 · 19/03/2019 22:09

Alternatively, if you have the skills and experience to teach him yourself - at least to get past his grade 1 then do that and find another teacher later if teaching him yourself is too time consuming or difficult (i wouldn't want to teach one of my own children anything else now they can walk and talk!)

DoneLikeAKipper · 19/03/2019 22:09

Yes I do think I know better than his cello teacher from my qualifications and experience

So you yourself are musical, or others in your family are? Do other people in your house hear him practice and think it sounds good? Honestly, because growing up my mother would have sworn I was the next Vanessa-Mae, but all anyone else (rightfully) heard was a caterwaul of horror.

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