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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with DS cello teacher

176 replies

DesperatelySeekingSu · 19/03/2019 21:49

I’ve found out that the other children in my sons cello lesson have been entered for their grade 1 but not DS9.

They are all at the same level and started at the same time.

I contacted the cello teacher to ask why and she was very blunt and I feel insensitive. She said she decided not to enter him as she doesn’t feel he works hard enough or takes his lessons seriously!

She also said he can’t play in tune and maybe should try guitar or percussion! I believe his scales and pieces are up to scratch and feel he has been singled out.

I don’t agree or feel satisfied with this response, should I contact her employers to ask for further investigation?

OP posts:
Triangled · 19/03/2019 22:09

Find another teacher then.

Absolutely!

Original poster
DesperatelySeekingSu · 19/03/2019 22:10

Zelda I have a degree in music, a teaching diploma and a LRSM in violin

OP posts:
Hamsternauts · 19/03/2019 22:10

Read the update. Yes maybe enter him independently if you are qualified to teach him yourself and feel he's ready

Original poster
DesperatelySeekingSu · 19/03/2019 22:10

Yes I agree I’ll find another teacher

OP posts:
kingfisherblue33 · 19/03/2019 22:10

😂😂😂

Oh well, op, if your qualifications and experience mean you reckon he’ll pass, then enter him!

doodlejump1980 · 19/03/2019 22:11

Yes I do think I know better than his cello teacher from my qualifications and experience- good idea about entering him independently I’ll look into that

God you sound like a nightmare parent. Do the teacher a favour and teach him yourself if you know better. Ffs.

Hamsternauts · 19/03/2019 22:11

Caterwaul of horror Grin

Palace13 · 19/03/2019 22:12

I think she's doing your boy a favour by being honest. Not every child is good at everything. There will be something else he'll excel at I'm sure.
Why should he waste his time and your money on something he's not cut out for?
Take a deep breath, we're talking about not being very good on a single musical instrument. It's not a vital life skill that he can't manage. That would be a big issue.
Take it on the chin, don't make such a big deal out of it as that will be what upsets your son. He'll care far more about your reaction than the cello teacher's.

steff13 · 19/03/2019 22:12

If you have better qualifications, can't you teach him?

kingfisherblue33 · 19/03/2019 22:12

Nice drip feed!! Why have you not been on the ball with ds then?

🤔🤔

Wolfiefan · 19/03/2019 22:12

But you have no idea how he is doing in the lessons. From your OP it sounds like he’s messing about or not taking it seriously.
There’s no sensible reason why a teacher wouldn’t enter a child who was ready for an exam.
OP just a warning. The GCSE years are going to be interesting. Grin

MaryBoBary · 19/03/2019 22:12

I just second the other opinions to enter him yourself if you feel e is capable, and find another teacher. If a second teacher has the same feedback then tor judgement about his ability may well be clouded. Or his current teacher may just dislike him.

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 19/03/2019 22:12

Nice drip feed about the qualifications, OP. That changes everything, really. Does the cello teacher know you've got an actual valid professional opinion in this area, or is she in the dark about that too and just hears you disagreeing with her?

PCohle · 19/03/2019 22:13

This is hilarious Grin

Teach him yourself OP, no one will live up to your standards.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 19/03/2019 22:14

Would you prefer that your DS was entered for an exam that he was going to fail?

A failure that might destroy his confidence and put him off continuing to play the cello?

Or would that only happen if the examiners deliberately sided with his teacher and ganged up on your son?

EvilTwins · 19/03/2019 22:14

DTD2 plays the flute. Her teacher at primary school was lovely - as long as the children were having a nice time, he was happy. She did her grade 2 and 3 exams and just about got through. Then she moved to secondary school and now has a teacher with high standards. The teacher refused to enter her for Grade 4 at the same time as the other girls in her year and it gave her the kick up the arse that she needed to realise that playing an instrument takes dedication and focus. She did her grade 4 at the end of the academic year (Yr 7) and got a higher mark than on any of her previous exams. She's now working solidly towards Grade 5 and gets on really well with the teacher because they both know where they stand.

DTD1, on the other hand, plays the piano and has always had a teacher with high standards who only enters her when she is ready. She's gone through prep test and Grades 1 - 4 now and has achieved Distinction on all of them. OP, respect the teacher - she knows what she's doing.

DoneLikeAKipper · 19/03/2019 22:14

@DesperatelySeekingSu, if you’re qualified to such a high standard, why can’t you teach him yourself?

Ionacat · 19/03/2019 22:15

If the others in the group have been entered then they will be doing the exam this term, as the exam season has already started, if not and s is looking at next term then there is still time to work together to get him ready to be entered and you need to talk to her and ask the best way forward.
I would avoid entering him independently if he is still having lessons with this teacher and they are doing the exam this term, as the group will move on. Not doing grade 1 is not a barrier to doing grade 2. A new teacher will not want a pupil entered for the exam already unless it is special circumstances e.g. teacher illness as they will want to make their own judgement.
You need to be objective here, either you trust this teacher’s opinion or you need to find a new teacher, but I would not enter without a specialist teacher. I’m a pianist but would not feel confident in helping say a violinst through grade 1 as I know nothing about technique.

onionchucker · 19/03/2019 22:15

What are your qualifications and experience?
Are you a musician yourself - cello or a different instrument?
If you really do think you know better than the cello teacher then enter him yourself.
You should look at finding another teacher because you obviously aren't happy.
If you do know better than the teacher I would assume you also know that children make much more progress on stringed instruments when they are taught individually.

Hollowvictory · 19/03/2019 22:16

Why don't you enter him for the exam then?

Original poster
DesperatelySeekingSu · 19/03/2019 22:16

Schaden - what a stupid comment of course I wouldn’t want him entered for an exam he’d fail, I don’t believe he will fail and disagree with the cello teachers feedback, that’s the problem!

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 19/03/2019 22:16

Blimey. So you are That Parent.

Maybe this is her way of getting rid of him so she doesn't have to deal with you any more...

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 19/03/2019 22:16

As the parent of a violinist and a cellist-although both string instruments they are very different to play and DDs violin teacher would not want to try and teach cello

onionchucker · 19/03/2019 22:16

x post

Marchinupandownagain · 19/03/2019 22:17

Maybe he'd prefer guitar or rugby, must say I personally don't know of any little boys who play cello

Yes, get him off that sissy cello music, real boys don't do that. God, the utterly depressing gender policing of that comment, not to mention all the desperate inverted snobbery on the thread. Heard of Pablo Casals? Mstislav Rostropovitch? Guess not, but they were both male.

OP, you have a choice. Enter him privately or don't. Your money. But consider that a teacher wants their pupils to pass not fail.