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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sending this to my neighbour?

154 replies

Andromeida59 · 19/03/2019 14:04

Hi, we have Muslim neighbours that we say hello too, take in post for etc. I feel so horrified by the attacks in Christchurch that I want to send a card to them with not only condolences but also just a message of solidarity that should they ever experience any negativity, we are with them and would help where we can.

I know they celebrate the religious festivals and have wished them Eid Mubarak before etc. but I don't know if this is over stepping the mark.

Thoughts? AIBU

OP posts:
helpconfused · 19/03/2019 14:07

What a lovely neighbor you are.
I've no idea if it would be a good thing to do or not though :/
Sorry - I'm no help.

Drum2018 · 19/03/2019 14:12

I wouldn't. It would be strange to send someone condolences on the death of people they didn't know.

purpleboy · 19/03/2019 14:12

I think it sounds very kind and thoughtful. Do you think they will view it in the same way.. if so then definitely send it, they are probably feeling quite vulnerable right now, and it's always nice to be nice.

Costacoffeeplease · 19/03/2019 14:14

I wouldn’t either, it’s a hit strange and intrusive

Original poster
Andromeida59 · 19/03/2019 14:14

I wouldn't use the word "condolence", maybe I'll just make it a thank you card for them taking in parcels and also letting them know we're here for them. Not sure Hmm.

OP posts:
ItsAHardKn0ckLife1 · 19/03/2019 14:15

It’s a nice thought but I think a little odd.

Bluntness100 · 19/03/2019 14:17

I also think you're trying to be nice, but I don't think this is a good idea really, and would refrain from doing so. You don't know how they will react and I think it's a bit insensitive.

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 19/03/2019 14:17

I personally think this is a lovely thing to do. But I might go and say it in person rather than in a card.

KC225 · 19/03/2019 14:18

No - I think its odd. You seem like a good neighbour, keep going as you are. No card.

ems137 · 19/03/2019 14:18

I think it's very odd tbh. What would you think if they sent you a similar card after the Manchester attack or 9/11?

Babyfoal · 19/03/2019 14:18

Not a card, but maybe a bunch of daffodils if you feel you want to do something.

thecatsthecats · 19/03/2019 14:19

I think the thing that is odd about it is that in your own way, you're lumping them in with all Muslims. They aren't just your lovely neighbours, they're your lovely Muslim neighbours...

I would thank them and be friendly in the same way as you would if they weren't Muslims. If you want to show respect to their customs, gifts of food are common at Eid I believe.

glitterbiscuits · 19/03/2019 14:19

Invite them for coffee. A card is a bit odd

stepup123 · 19/03/2019 14:20

Don't do it!

AfterSchoolWorry · 19/03/2019 14:21

I wouldn't. Too random.

Cafelatte2go · 19/03/2019 14:21

No, trying way too hard. If it was the local mosque I'd fully understand but this is across the world. As someone else said, it's basically showing you label them as 'Muslims' primarily rather than individuals.

thedisorganisedmum · 19/03/2019 14:21

Are you in New Zealand? A message of sympathy would kind of make sense there.

Otherwise I would find it incredibly patronising if I got a message like that!

GabriellaMontez · 19/03/2019 14:22

Really weird imo

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 19/03/2019 14:22

super odd- dont do it.

GottenGottenGotten · 19/03/2019 14:23

I was going to say something very similar to what ems137 said. I would be very confused if someone sent me a card after an attack that affected people that i happen to share a religion with, but live thousands of miles away.

Original poster
Andromeida59 · 19/03/2019 14:25

Thanks for the responses, I won't be sending a card. Points absolutely taken. I guess I feel that I just want to do something against all of the hatred that is around at this moment.
In regard to "lumping all Muslims in", I'm really not. I remember when Dunblane happened and it really hammered it home because we were at school in the gym when it happened. I couldn't quite get my hear around something so normal being turned in to something so awful, the same with them being at the mosque.

OP posts:
FlagranceDirect · 19/03/2019 14:28

Seems a bit odd to me too

Cafelatte2go · 19/03/2019 14:30

Your intentions are obviously kind but yes don't do it x

Dotty1970 · 19/03/2019 14:32

Oh dear, your intentions are good but it's a very strange thing to do and also sending it just because they are Muslim is just wrong! Omg.
It's like my neighbour sending me a sympathy card if someone/people are Jamaican (or shares the same colour skin even!) are killed!

mrsjoyfulprizeforraffiawork · 19/03/2019 14:36

I was listening to the dreaded Woman's Hour today on R4 (I'm not a great fan) and two British Muslim women were interviewed about their and their families' reaction to the NZ attack. Of course, they were terribly shocked but one of them said, since that NZ attack, it was really nice to find that (when out wearing her hijab), passers-by were making eye contact and smiling at her in a friendly manner. She said it wasn't usual and she appreciated the good feeling behind it.