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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sending this to my neighbour?

154 replies

Andromeida59 · 19/03/2019 14:04

Hi, we have Muslim neighbours that we say hello too, take in post for etc. I feel so horrified by the attacks in Christchurch that I want to send a card to them with not only condolences but also just a message of solidarity that should they ever experience any negativity, we are with them and would help where we can.

I know they celebrate the religious festivals and have wished them Eid Mubarak before etc. but I don't know if this is over stepping the mark.

Thoughts? AIBU

OP posts:
Poloshot · 20/03/2019 00:20

Very strange

jeanniebrownhair · 20/03/2019 00:29

No. Just too weird.

Beeziekn33ze · 20/03/2019 00:41

Why not? I spoke to two Muslim students at the bus stop and they were touched that I cared that they could be feeling vulnerable.

After the London bombings I spoke to a Muslim neighbour to whom I'd previously just nodded 'good morning' and we hugged. I had something idea how she might be feeling as the Muslim women to whom I taught English were horrified to see in the press that the perpetrators were British-born.

It's easier to keep to oneself but sometimes it's right to reach out and empathise.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 20/03/2019 01:21

Weird and possibly threatening.

ilovesooty · 20/03/2019 01:29

There are some horrible replies here. Glad someone else has said so.

Rottencooking · 20/03/2019 01:37

No. It has absolutely nothing to do with them.

Coyoacan · 20/03/2019 01:52

The Muslims I know are British born and would appreciate the thought behind any communication like that.

Ironymaiden · 20/03/2019 01:54

Did they acknowledge or apologize for the Paris/Berlin/Manchester/London attacks? If not, I wouldn’t. Acts of terrorism is no way representive of anyone other than the murdering scum that hurts others. I wouldn’t hold all Muslims accountable for the actions of a few, and would hope my Muslim neighbours wouldn’t hold me responsible for the actions of a mad man the other side of the world

Lovingbenidorm · 20/03/2019 02:02

Yes, your intentions are good but a little misguided.
I’m a huge Bones fan and a beautiful speech was said by a Muslim intern when asked (during a 9/11 case )
“Is this too difficult for you?”
He replied
“This was not the work of religion, it was hypocrisy, it was hate. Those horrible men who hijacked those planes hijacked my religion that that day too.
They insulted my God.
So no, this isn’t too difficult.
It’s a privilege to be able to serve this victim, to be able to show him the care and love that was so absent that day”

Eliant · 20/03/2019 02:10

My neighbours are Muslim, we get along very well. I wouldn't dream of sending them a card, and I certainly won't be inviting them in for drinks and nibbles as a pp suggested. I don't think they would appreciate either gesture.

Lovingbenidorm · 20/03/2019 02:14

You can show your solidarity and concern by being a good friend and neighbour.
One of my best friends is Muslim and I wouldn’t dream of sending her a card because of what some terrorists have done, or had done to them.
Terrrorists are terrorists regardless of race or religion.
She doesn’t identify with these monsters any more than I identify with the terrorists who took part in the atrocities in New Zealand

CustardySergeant · 20/03/2019 02:26

"I’d knock on the door with a card and flowers or Mudford. It’s a really nice thing to do."

What's Mudford?

sam221 · 20/03/2019 02:47

Cake is your solution, say your trying out some new recipes and would love a fair impartial review. Or if that is too weird, then maybe pop along to your local mosque with the cake and card of solidarity.
I am a bit of a lapsed muslim, so this all new to me too-after your post im thinking of maybe doing/sending something to the local mosque[will need to find it 1st!]

Anique105 · 20/03/2019 04:21

I really , really wouldnt. It's just offensive. You really dont know how they feel and you are just assuming they need support. It might make them feel they need to now be concerned over something they didn't even think of.
Your intentions are good but not appropriate here.

Boredgiraffes · 20/03/2019 04:27

I agree no don’t do it, instead just continue to be polite and encourage friendship

ScarletBitch · 20/03/2019 05:18

Did your neighbours send you a card when Manchester Arena blew up, or London terrorist attacks? Of course not! As nice as you are stop being silly OP.

Monty27 · 20/03/2019 05:22

Nope. It brings attention which probably won't be appreciated.

Anique105 · 20/03/2019 09:51

I really , really wouldnt. It's just offensive. You really dont know how they feel and you are just assuming they need support. It might make them feel they need to now be concerned over something they didn't even think of.
Your intentions are good but not appropriate here.

Meagain19 · 20/03/2019 10:32

And don't knock on the door with alcohol, if they are devout they won't be drinkers.

Ohnonotuagain · 20/03/2019 10:38

I think it would come across as weird and could make them feel uncomfortable.

countrygardenx · 20/03/2019 10:40

No it's weird I would feel like an alien if you did this to me.

BertrandRussell · 20/03/2019 10:45

I’m surprised that so many people think this is s bad idea. I imagine Muslim people feel extremely vulnerable at the moment, and doing something to show solidarity has to be a good idea, surely?

MerryMarigold · 20/03/2019 20:49

Bertrand, I agree. But it's the old "my Muslim neighbours didn't get me a card after the Manchester bombings" chestnut.

Stefoscope · 20/03/2019 21:11

You could make a donation to a local Mosque/Muslim charity. I think unless they've mentioned feeling vulnerable it would be slightly strange to send something.

thedisorganisedmum · 20/03/2019 21:29

that chestnut is that it's extremely offensive to put everyone in the same bag. It's one thing to send a card if a group has been targeted in your home town, or even your country at a push, but when it happened at the other side of the world, it's very weird.

Do you send a card to your Christian friends after the latest Egyptian or Nigerian massacre? They would probably be a bit puzzled. With the well known anti-muslim current around here, it's a lot worst directed to a muslim neighbour.