To think this woman was a cow?

[upsideyerelephant]

Just got back from Sainsbos and not happy.

My DS is right in the throes of the terrible twos. He's a normal toddler.

Anyway, I'd let him get out of the buggy and walk alongside for a bit. He then has meltdown over my refusal to let him climb into the freezer. Full on screaming, kicking, the lot. I pick him up and try to get him back in the buggy. At this point, I'm being kicked, bitten you name it. I'm doing my best but I was mainly focusing on stopping him from hurting himself.

Meanwhile I'm dimly aware that someone is standing beside me and has said something. I'm being screamed at by DS so didn't hear or answer.

This woman then shouts (after a wait of about three seconds)

"How am I supposed to get past, here?! Will you move!"

I then drag my still screaming DS across the aisle and she barges past, shoving my buggy into me with her trolly in the process.

She stomps off glaring at me.

I may have told her to grow up...

It was literally a three second wait. I wouldn't mind but she had a toddler in the trolley, who was of course being as good as gold.

AIBU to think she could've waited? I don't see what on earth I could've done?

I love the way people spout these ' this is what I would do why don't you' things when people come on for support. I was lucky (and I say lucky because that is what it was - I am not arrogant enough to assume I am super-parent) that mine never had tantrums in places like supermarkets. (Although DS once grabbed a water melon and ran with it like he was in the Six Nations )

But if he had tantrummed in the supermarket there is no way I could have stuffed a kicking screaming child under my arm - he was a huge toddler - most people thought he was about six when he was 2 - very tall and solidly built. I am five foot tall and used to be slightly built.

Everyone can be wise after the event and boast about what they would do - but sometimes you are in a situation where other factors come into play (such as a critical rude grunpy audience) and you get stressed.

The perfect parents of MN are incredibly lucky (my second child never had tantrums, always held my hand, was good a gold - I was very lucky she had such a laid back personality) or they are lying/conveniently forgetting the times when they didn't get it quite right, or their children behaved less than perefectly.

Woman was rude OP - don't let her snidiness throw you, toddlers are sent to try us - that is their job

@Notthecarwashagain same, best parenting technique I was ever taught. Just tell the small child exactly what you expect and they will oblige. In other news some people clearly have no kids and like making others feel inferior

My child psychologist friend was very reassuring when DD went through a phase of tantrums.

Surprise surprise, it is completely normal.

I had 4, they never did because I didn't let them!

I have four and I never let mine tantrum but the little gits went and did it anyway!

DC2 was the absolute worst. No screaming and shouting from her, oh no, all of that was beneath her majesty. Instead she would simply lie down, close her eyes, and ignore everyone. If I tried to lift her up she would do that thing toddlers do where they go completely boneless like a sack of jelly and at the same time somehow quadruple in weight so I'd be trying to pick her up and she'd be slithering out of my arms with a smug look on her face.

DC4 is a screamer though, she's well into the 2yo tantrums lately and her newest phrase is "No! I want my mummy!" so that I look like I'm kidnapping her while I hasten to the exits with a flailing child under my arm who is screaming for its mother.

PS: a knee placed on the pushchair seat between their legs and one forearm braced across their chest stops them from arching their backs while you quickly buckle them in with your other hand.

As a non-parent I tend to pull faces at tantruming toddlers. To be clear, I don't think this works if their parents do it. If a random stranger does it (provided they actually notice) it seems to freak them out so they look to their parents for reassurance and stop the tantrum. Or it may be that I just have a scary face. Either way, I'm vaguely wondering if I should rent myself out to supermarkets as an anti-tantrum device. I doubt if I'd had children myself it would have worked on them, it just seems to be some weird gift I've been given.

If the toddler is too far gone to notice, I just smile at the parent and say "to be fair, supermarkets have that effect on me sometimes".

Op ignore @thedisorganisedmum , I've seen her goading on a few threads recently. It seems to be an enjoyable activity for her.
Well done you for keeping your cool @upsideyerelephant x

Some children do tantrum more than others, they're all different and what works for one won't work for another. DD1 (10 this month) hardly ever threw tantrums in the supermarket, whereas DD2 (7 earlier this month) was a nightmare at times in the supermarket. DD1 is very shy at school whereas DD2 is very lively and has lots of friends.

Does this mean that DD1 is a better brought up child? No, she has SEN and has violent meltdowns at home; she tries to attack me sometimes. She's having therapy at the moment. But the school have never seen this side of her at all.

Both our DDs are adopted, which can present extra challenges when parenting them. The OP hasn't said there are special needs, but when you see parents struggling with kids in the supermarket, just try not to judge, as you don't know anything about their personal circumstances.

I just feel sympathy when I see parents struggling with toddlers in the supermarket and am grateful that I'm past that stage. And I can now go to the supermarket whilst my DDs are in school.

I think vilifying the poster saying her kids never tantrummed is unfair, I too have 4 and never behaved like this; a toddler kicking and biting because he was told no; that's ridiculous behaviour. Too many people here excusing it, tantrums due to be told no? Sounds like a lot of indulgent parents.

Both of my older DC had their fair share of public trantrums, including in supermarkets.

My youngest hasn’t treated me to any yet (he’ll even trot along obediently next to me in the supermarket!), but he’s not 2.5 yrs yet, so there’s still time for terrible 2’s to kick in.

And once a toddler has worked themselves up to a tantrum, telling them to stop it because they’re not allowed to have a tantrum etc does absolutely nothing to help. They’re generally too overwhelmed by their emotions by that point to listen to reason.

tantrums due to be told no? Sounds like a lot of indulgent parents

Really? Because to me - parent of four, EYFS professional - it sounds like a toddler trying to exert his will and finding out that he has no option but to toe the line. He didn't do what he was meant to so he went into the pushchair, of course he didn't want to but in he went anyway as his mother followed through on the consequences she set. All part of a larger, years long, lesson in following the rules. Toddlers are works in progress, FFS, they sometimes have to learn the rules by breaking them.

I have one child who would never dream of not beautifully doing as he was asked and another who threw whopper monster tantrums. Which child would the judgy parents like to evaluate my parenting skills on?

The hilarious thing is that the people on this thread looking down their noses probably actually believe that it's purely down to their supreme parenting skills 😂 Of course it is! Nothing whatsoever to do with different children having completely different personalities or SN or anything 🙄🤦‍♀️

Nope she was unkind.

Aisles aren't a one way system!

FWIW is have asked if you wanted any help. We've all been there and I always offer help now my ds is 14 (so tantrums less )

Grrr I hate people like this, they can see that you’re struggling so decide to make it worse. My toddler had a huge tantrum in the que at Morrison’s once and some selfish git used it as the perfect opportunity to jump the que, meaning me + my already bored + frustrated child had to wait even longer
I made several loud passive aggressive comments about thinking it was only toddlers who behaved like brats in public
She was a cow OP and I’d have told her so!

there is a woman who lives opposite me who has four meek, placid children.Their home is a fug of weed smoke and she regularly smacks them round the head. Yes, SS are involved.

so that told us then. Normal parenting is having children who tantrum, bite and kick, otherwise you are a SS issue.

We all know that entitled and lazy parents have excuses and reasons. It's funny though, you somehow manage to handle behaviour and prevent your kids from running on a busy road, jumping from a window, eating dangerous products. If you really want to manage them, you can.

Allowing your child to scream, kick and BITE is not considered normal.

It says a lot that posters start calling others a troll when they don't agree with something. The same ones who are happy with tantrums funnily enough!

thedisorganisedmum I would stop my children from running into the road, jumping out of a window etc. by physically restraining them. How would this work with screaming? Should I put my hand over their mouths?

And once a toddler has worked themselves up to a tantrum, telling them to stop it because they’re not allowed to have a tantrum etc does absolutely nothing to help. They’re generally too overwhelmed by their emotions by that point to listen to reason.

This, definitely. The only thing you can do is work out when is the best time to take your child to the supermarket. They're most likely to tantrum when they're tired or hungry. I used to go in the morning and then they would fall asleep in the car/buggy on the way back.

Going in the afternoon was always more likely to lead to a tantrum.

I think the trick is to be prepared. Don't go when they're tired or hungry- don't go at all if you can help it (online shopping is blooming marvellous!). I would never take mine out of the trolley seat at that age because that's never going to end well one way or another. I would chat constantly to them though, maybe have snacks to hand etc. Keep them entertained as much as humanly possible. We managed to avoid any supermarket tantrums too- eldest is 12 so I'm hoping she's past that stage....

a toddler kicking and biting because he was told no; that's ridiculous behaviour. Too many people here excusing it, tantrums due to be told no? Sounds like a lot of indulgent parents

Oh my goodness. He's 2...he's learning that he can't do whatever he wants. OP did NOT let him do what he wanted hence his tantrum...how on earth is that indulgent parenting? It would be indulgent parenting if OP had let him do what he wanted. Did you even read the full OP???

@thedisorganisedmum

You've still yet to tell us how you prevent tantrums?

Go on, be brave.

@theorganisedmum How do you pronounce unacceptable?

Exactly, he was tantrumming because OP wouldn't let him get into the freezer. She was enforcing a boundary. Being indulgent would be letting him get into the freezer!

according to the OP, I give them weed to smoke

that's why I love that forum, always a new one!

Allowing your child to scream, kick and BITE is not considered normal.

Where did OP allow the child to misbehave? He wanted to climb in the freezer, OP told him no, he got angry. So OP instigated consequences for him not walking nicely and for kicking off, namely putting him in his pushchair so he can't climb in the freezer and he's safely contained.

Which part of this demonstrates that the OP was allowing her child to misbehave? I would put money on you being even judgemental than you're being right now if you saw a child actually in the freezer or rolling around the floor screaming with the parent standing there doing nothing.