To think this woman was a cow?

[upsideyerelephant]

Just got back from Sainsbos and not happy.

My DS is right in the throes of the terrible twos. He's a normal toddler.

Anyway, I'd let him get out of the buggy and walk alongside for a bit. He then has meltdown over my refusal to let him climb into the freezer. Full on screaming, kicking, the lot. I pick him up and try to get him back in the buggy. At this point, I'm being kicked, bitten you name it. I'm doing my best but I was mainly focusing on stopping him from hurting himself.

Meanwhile I'm dimly aware that someone is standing beside me and has said something. I'm being screamed at by DS so didn't hear or answer.

This woman then shouts (after a wait of about three seconds)

"How am I supposed to get past, here?! Will you move!"

I then drag my still screaming DS across the aisle and she barges past, shoving my buggy into me with her trolly in the process.

She stomps off glaring at me.

I may have told her to grow up...

It was literally a three second wait. I wouldn't mind but she had a toddler in the trolley, who was of course being as good as gold.

AIBU to think she could've waited? I don't see what on earth I could've done?

I had 4, they never did because I didn't let them! It's not being smug, it's being strict enough. If you are happy with tantrums and kids expressing their personality, it's your choice, but at least own it!

Fucksake!! Yes, it absolutely is being smug - and quite ridiculous. My two didn't have tantrums - BECAUSE I WAS BLOODY LUCKY!!!

My two DDs never had an a tantrum, but they could certainly whinge and moan when they wanted. I don't see this is anything I particularly did, I was just extremely lucky that it never happened. I certainly don't judge other parents if their toddler is having a melt down. It's not like they're actually wanting their kid to behave in that manner! The woman in Sainsurys was a twat and should have gone the other way if she was in a hurry, but better still she could have stopped and offered to help or given a word of reassurance to the OP.

I think disorganised mum might have gotten confused, and her children are actually Sims.

Maybe you were standing between her and the gin.

Still no failsafe method of never having a tantrum?

Incidentally, there is a woman who lives opposite me who has four meek, placid children.

Their home is a fug of weed smoke and she regularly smacks them round the head. Yes, SS are involved.

You teach them to walk nicely in other, free environments like the park, by the river etc.

OP said "walk", not "swim". 😂

Don't worry OP, some people are just rude and impatient. If I saw someone struggling with their kid (or struggling with anything I couldn't help with) was blocking my way, I'd wait politely or turn around and go up the next aisle if it looked like they weren't going to be done any time soon. You were doing your best, no need to make more drama from the situation.

(I have a feisty 2yo who, if you put him in a trolley, will cry and scream "heeeeeeeelp!", making us look like child abductors. Aren't toddlers a joy?)

I feel sorry for thedisorganisedmum's daughters-in-law already...

Anyway, it's kind of irrelevant whether or not the OP's child was behaving that way because of poor parenting, the woman was still a cow for barging someone out of the way.

YANBU Woman was a cow.

When my DD1 was 18m she used to lose it with the automatic doors because door opening was my job.

When DD2 was 18m I had to take her out the trolley to tantrum on the floor because I was scared she was going to tumble out in her rage and hurt herself - actually just left her in the aisle and did my shopping round about her till she calmed down.

Don't remember DD3 having many tantrums out and about because she just refused to leave the house if not in the mood and I had the luxury of time to choose when to shop.

My DM thinks I never tantrummed - but I recall my DBro having at least two epic tantrums - post office etc.

My DD4.5 - she's not really had tantrums, maybe one or two but I just think she's quite placid.

My neighbour on the other hand who has 3 DC - she says both her elder DC (girl, 7 and boy 5) had few or not many tantrums yet she freely admits her DS from 2 has epic screaming melt down tantrums and there is not a thing she can do about it! She's a SAHM and told me the other day she wishes she could return to work but she left partly because work was hell!

I'm currently pregnant with DC2 and if he/she has tantrums I'll just deal with it but after NDN's experience I am certainly not counting my chickens!

My children never had tantrums either. I just told them not to.
That's how I toilet trained them at birth too. I just said "you don't just shit your nappy, baby, you do it in the toilet"
I gave them books, and said "learn to read!" and they did.
Children don't need to learn anything by life experience

I don’t think the disorganisedmum has any children let alone 4.
I do have 4 and all of mine have tantrummed when little, never biting, but yes to the kicking.There is absolutely nothing you can do to stop them. Discipline doesn’t work as they are well pass the stage of reason.

(My Dcs both tantrummed as toddlers.
DD only occasionally. DS a lot!)

YANBU. That woman was rude!

There is no fail safe way of preventing a tantrum. How you deal with it after is not the same as it never happening.

I have 2 children who have never tantrummed in their lives... I have 4 others who have. All brought up the same, same rules; same strictness.

Same as 1 of the 6 was a biter at nursery despite the efforts of us and nursery staff. Like baby elements of parenting it’s got fuck all to do with parenting style and everything to do with luck.

Describing a woman as cow - very unreasonable

Was the woman’s behaviour unreasonable - yes

The secret is to never let them loose in a supermarket. Keep them in your cart/trolley and entertain them by talking, interacting. If you let them have free range they will go feral almost immediately.

I never let mine roam in stores when he was little, so I never had store melt downs BUT one day I had this great idea to start daily trips to where they were digging/constructing the new town swimming pool.

There was heavy earth moving equipment there and all the stuff two year olds love. We stood there, at the chain link fence, for ages. When I thought we'd better move on I picked him up and he attacked me. First and last time he did it. He never bit, but there was kicking and screaming, throwing his body back as if he was being attacked by lions.

I knew the town crew doing the work and they all watched as I wrestled him back to the car. The project leader even commented to me later telling me what a little shit my son was.

We never went to watch the swimming pool being constructed again instead we'd drive slowly past the farm equipment dealerships and sometimes, when he was with his dad he'd get a toy farm tractor replicas - if he was good.

He is now 30, a farmer and has loads of tractors, diggers etc but he still drives slowly around equipment lots looking at the new tractors etc The salesman who used to sell him the toy tractors still works at one of them and now he's buying the real thing from him.

I've been in the supermarket when parents are trying to deal with tantruming toddlers, and if my teenage DD is with me I'll tell her (load enough to be heard by the parent) 'don't stare, that's just what toddlers do, and besides you were much worse!' And give the parent a smile.

No one should be made to feel bad when they're just doing their best to get daily chores done

So I'm a loss as to what you or disorganised would have done differently to me?

I would not have let it get to the point of a full on tantrum in the first place, I would have asked once to get back in the pushchair if he didn't he would go under 1 arm and i would be out of the shop. They soon learn that if they don't behave things come to an abrupt end. To be honest I am sometimes quite aghast at the behaviour of some children in the supermarket. I would never be rude like the lady was to you, but that is because I am not a rude person. Parents really don't do themselves any favours, if your son is in the throws of terrible twos, the supermarket is not the place to practice his walking nicely beside you.

I thought that the only way of guaranteeing no tantrums was to not have dc? (Although DH has his moments.....)

I always had the ideal solution - never took my toddlers to a supermarket - used to shop during the evening once my dh was home.
Made life far easier!

I don't think tantrums are to do with discipline personally. I think they are the nature of the child. My friends children are very docile, friend isn't strict they just aren't very active children.

Mine on other hand are fireballs and I'm strict (still didn't stop them throwing huge bloody wobbles over absolutely nothing)

Lol at teaching them to walk by rivers before allowing them to walk around supermarkets.

My DS wouldn’t get in a buggy from the age of 18 months. Well he’d get in, but every few steps he would literally jump out. He could get out of any that I tried, it wasn’t worth it. Wouldn’t sit in the trolley either, and too dangerous to try because of the height he could fall from.

The way I ‘stopped’ him from tantruming in supermarkets was to simply not take him, but that doesn’t make me a super mum whose kids never misbehave and worthy of being smug about. I had to engineer my life around not having to try and put the kid in a buggy which was fucking hard!

I let him tantrum in primark once and whilst he was on the floor in full swing someone asked me (all huffy) to move him so she could get past. I invited them to try themselves otherwise I was going to just leave him. They went approximately 2 seconds out of thier way and made it past.

It’s not hard to be a bit sympathetic towards parents of small tantruming children for people who are not complete arseholes.

alaric-I expected my children to behave well..And yet.....my children still had meltdowns in the supermarket!!!

Elinor and how would that work for a single parent, or for someone who was simply too bloody tired to drive to the supermarket and shop at night?

Gone and what about when they're too big for the seat? Because MN obviously would never condone children sitting in the trolley itself, disgusting behaviour, etc etc.

Sometimes people are just trying to fit in the shopping in between a load of other things they need to get done - abandoning the shop isn't always an option.

That’s stupid, alaric77. I expect mine to behave. I am very firm with them and have extremely clear standards of behaviour. That doesn’t mean that they never have tantrums. Most of the time they are extremely well behaved, but sometimes they are under the weather or tired or they get overwhelmed and they lose it. One of them yesterday sobbed as we walked through the car park because he kept insisting that the car we were walking towards wasn’t ours. (It was.) Small children can’t manage their emotions the way adults can. It doesn’t mean that you indulge the behaviour, but you can still be sympathetic towards them.

I’m so fed up with this attitude that children are just an inconvenience that no one should have to endure.